Tara Pammi - Scandalous Sins

Cam dragged a hand down his face, momentarily distorting his handsome features. ‘I know, but there’s too much at stake. And no, I’m not just referring to this deal with Nicolaides.’

‘Apart from my family, what else is at stake?’

He let out a ragged-sounding breath. ‘There’s my family for one thing. I’m not sure I want to show up to my father’s fifth wedding on Christmas Eve with a broken engagement under my belt. He’ll never let me hear the end of it. I can hear everyone saying it now. Like father, like son.’

Violet could understand his point of view. From what she knew of his father, Ross McKinnon would make the most of any opportunity to rub in Cam’s mistakes as a way to take the focus off his own behaviour. His mother, Candice, would also not let a chance like that go by, given Cam had been so critical of how both his parents had behaved over the years.

‘Right, well, it looks like we run with it then.’

At least her office Christmas party would be less of an ordeal with him there as her fiancé. For once she would be spared the sleazy flirting from male colleagues, and at least there would be no more pitying looks from some of the women who thought it fine sport to make a mockery out of her being single. It was a win-win...she hoped.

Cam picked up his keys from the writing desk where he’d left them earlier. ‘I’d better take you home. It’s late.’

Violet’s spirits slumped in disappointment. Didn’t he want to finish the kiss they’d started? ‘I don’t have to be back by any set time,’ she said. ‘The girls are sleeping over at their boyfriends’ so...’

His sober expression halted her speech. ‘Violet.’ The way he said her name with that deep note of gravity was a little disquieting to say the least. ‘We’re not going there, okay?’

There? Where was ‘there’? All she wanted was a little more kissing and...a little fooling around. Okay, lots of fooling around. Violet forced a smile.

He looked at her for a long moment, his eyes moving back and forth between each of hers in a searching manner that made her feel like someone was trickling sand down the column of her spine. ‘I said we’d kiss and that’s all.’

‘Fine. No problem. Best to be sensible about this.’ The words kept tumbling out. ‘Way, way too awkward if we go there. I’m not your type in any case. Not enough experience for one thing.’

His brows formed a bridge over his dark-as-midnight blue eyes. ‘How much experience have you had?’

Violet gave a self-deprecating grimace. ‘Well...let’s put it this way. I haven’t been around the block, I got to the corner and then got kind of lost.’

His frown deepened. ‘What do you mean?’

What are you doing? You haven’t ever told anyone about...that.

Violet pressed her lips together, wondering if she should go any further. Would it make him see her differently? Make him judge her for being a naïve little fool to get into such a situation? But something about his concerned expression made her realise he would be the last person to pass judgement on her. ‘I’d rather not talk about it...’

‘You can tell me, Violet.’ Cam’s voice was so steady, so strong, so calm. But then he had always been a good listener. Violet remembered an occasion during her teens when she’d found herself telling him about the mean girls at school who had taunted her for not wearing the right label of clothes to a party. What was it with her and parties? Cam had listened to her frustrated rant and then assured her the girls were probably jealous because she didn’t need designer wear to look gorgeous. Violet remembered blushing to the roots of her hair but feeling a strange sense of warmth every time she recalled that conversation since.

Telling him about what happened at that university party was not on the same level of having a moan about a bunch of vacuous schoolgirls at a teenage birthday bash. Telling him about the trauma of her first sexual experience would be laying herself bare. Opening old wounds that had never properly healed. But there was something about Cam that gave her new strength. Maybe it was time to get it off her chest so she could breathe without that lingering pinching feeling of shame.

‘During my first year at university, I went to a party...’ She took a short breath before continuing. ‘I was trying to fit in instead of being on the outer all the time. I had a couple of drinks—too many drinks, really...’

Violet glanced up to see him frowning so intensely his eyebrows met over his eyes. But it wasn’t a frown of disapproval or judgement, it was one of raw concern. It gave her the courage to continue. ‘Things got a little hazy and I...well, I woke up and there were three...’ She took a painful swallow. ‘At first I wasn’t sure if it was a dream—a nightmare or something. I was on a bed and there was a man, not someone I knew...’

‘Did he...rape you?’ Cam’s voice came out sounding rusty as if he had trouble getting the words through his throat.

This time Violet couldn’t quite meet his gaze but aimed it at a point just below his chin. ‘I’m not sure... I don’t remember that part. Can you call it rape if you don’t remember anything? There wasn’t just one man... I’m not sure if they were just...watching or...’

He took her by the hands and drew her close but not quite touching his body as if he was worried about making her feel uncomfortable after her confession. ‘Did you report it?’

Violet shook her head. ‘I couldn’t bear anyone knowing about it. I didn’t tell anyone, not even Mum or Rose or Lily. I felt so ashamed I’d got myself into that situation. I just locked it away and...and, well, I quit my studies. I couldn’t help feeling people were looking at me differently around the campus...you know? I just thought it best to move on and pretend it never happened.’

He drew her against him in a gentle hug, resting his head on top of hers. ‘I wish I’d been at that party because there’s no way those lowlife creeps would have got away with that.’ The deep resonance of his voice from his chest where it was pressed against hers was a strange sort of comfort. She felt safe in a way she hadn’t felt in years. If only he had been there. If only she had been able to run to him and have him hold her, protect her. He was that type of man. Honourable. Chivalrous. There was no way he would spike anyone’s drink and take advantage of a woman when she was too out of it to give proper consent. The world needed more men like Cam. Men who weren’t afraid to stand up to bullies. Men who were brave and steadfast in their values. Men who treated women as equals and not as objects to service their needs.

Violet looked up at him. ‘Thank you.’

He gently stroked her hair back from her face. ‘It wasn’t your fault, Violet. What those men did was wrong. You’re not the one who should be feeling ashamed. They committed a crime and so did anyone else at that party who witnessed it and didn’t report it.’

‘I was so worried there might be...photos...’

He winced as if someone had stabbed him in the gut. ‘Do you remember anyone taking any?’

Violet shook her head. ‘No, but there was so much I didn’t remember so I could never be sure one way or the other. It’s made the humiliation of that night go on and on. For ten years I’ve worried someone out there has photos of me...like that, and I can’t do anything about it.’

Cam’s expression was tight with rage on her behalf. There were white tips around his mouth and his jaw was locked. ‘Think of it this way. If photos were to surface they could be used as evidence in court. You could identify the perpetrators and lay charges.’

Violet hadn’t thought of it that way and it was like a weight coming off her, like taking off a heavy backpack after a long, exhausting walk. She leaned her head against his chest, breathing in the clean male scent of him. He continued to stroke her head, gentle soothing strokes that made her feel as if she was the most precious person in the world instead of someone dirty, tainted, someone to be used for sport and cast aside.