Lisa Jackson - Confessions

Nadine’s heart nearly stopped. She was caught. There was no way around it.

“Want to tell me where you’ve been?” Donna asked, white smoke drifting from her mouth and nostrils as she clicked the lighter shut.

“At the lake.”

“With?”

“I went by myself,” Nadine said, sidestepping the lie.

“What did you do there?”

“Took a ride in Ben’s boat.”

“Hmm.” Another long, lung-burning drag on the cigarette. The tip glowed red, the only light in the room. The smell of burning tobacco mixed with rainwater. “Where?”

Shrugging, Nadine replied, “I just drove it around.”

“Alone?”

Obviously her mother didn’t believe her. “I...I overheard you and Dad. The fight. I...I had to get out.” Nadine tossed her sodden hair over her shoulders.

“So you walked nearly two miles in the middle of a thunderstorm and then spent the next three hours cruising around Whitefire Lake in the dark. Is that what you expect me to believe?”

“Yes.”

Sighing, her mother rested her forehead in her hand. “Of all my children, Nadine, you’ve given me the least amount of grief. Kevin...well, he’s got his problems. When he couldn’t play basketball anymore, he quit school and checked out—thought his life was over and took a job at that damned mill. As for Ben...we all know what a hothead he is. He thinks all problems can be solved with his fists or...in the case of girls, by opening his fly.” At Nadine’s swift intake of breath, she added, “I hate to admit it, but Ben’s girl-crazy. As for you... Oh, Nadine...” Her voice trailed off and she drew long on her cigarette again.

Nadine felt miserable. She’d never intended to disappoint her mother.

“So, now, tell me. My guess is that you were meeting a boy. Was it Sam?”

Nadine shook her head wretchedly.

“Then who?”

“I...I can’t say.”

“Why not? Won’t I approve?” When she didn’t answer, Donna made a quick waving motion in the air. “Well, no, I suppose I won’t. Meeting any boy this late at night is begging for trouble, Nadine.” She sat on the edge of Nadine’s bed, and the old mattress creaked. “I...I guess I should have told you this a long time ago. Maybe you’ve already figured it out, but Kevin wasn’t premature. I got pregnant and had to marry your father.” She worked the fingers of her free hand through her hair. “Oh, don’t get me wrong, I probably would’ve married George anyway. But faced with having a baby, well, I just didn’t have any options. So there was no way out. I was stuck.” Blinking hard, she added, “I just don’t want the same thing to happen to you.”

“It won’t,” Nadine said, though her tongue tripped a bit when she realized how close she’d come to losing her virginity this very night. If Hayden had pushed her, seduced her, she wouldn’t have argued the point. Contrarily, she wanted to make love to him.

“So who’s the boy?”

“Mom, please, don’t ask.”

Stubbing her cigarette angrily in a dish on the bureau, Donna set her jaw. “Are you going to see him again?”

“I...I don’t know.”

“I’ll make it easy for you. Don’t see him again—ever.” Her mother stood and advanced on Nadine. “I’ll find out, you know. This is one helluva small town and someone will figure out who you’ve been sneaking around with. The truth will come out, Nadine, so don’t protect him. He’s probably not worth it.”

Nadine’s mind spun with thoughts of Ben.... No, he would never rat on her, but Patty Osgood would and so would Mary Beth Carter. A lot of people had seen her climb into Hayden’s speedboat at the lake. Her mother was right. It wouldn’t be long. But she wouldn’t be the person to name him. No. Instead she’d warn him that her mother was on the warpath.

“Well?”

“I can’t, Mom.”

Her mother’s lips drew into a disgusted line. “Well, whoever he is, I hope he’s as noble as you are.” She walked to the door, but stopped, her hands resting on the knob. “It goes without saying that you’re grounded. For the next two weeks. And if I ever catch you sneaking out of this room again, I’ll put a lock on the door and bar the windows.”

“Mom—”

“Don’t argue with me, Nadine. And believe this,” she said, turning, her face a study in determination. “I’ll do anything, anything I can to prevent you from making the same mistake I did.”

She slipped through the door and slammed it, her warning echoing through the room.

* * *

“THE BASTARD!” DONNA threw her dish towel into the sink and tears began to run from her eyes. Her husband tried to comfort her, to place his big hands upon her shoulders, but she shrugged him off. “How could you, George? How could you believe Garreth Monroe?”

Nadine reached for the screen door, but let her hand drop as she heard the tail end of the argument. Ben was running up the back steps, Bonanza leaping and barking at his heels. Nadine’s finger flew to her mouth. “Shh!” she ordered, but it was too late, her parents both turned and saw them huddled on the porch.

Nadine wanted to drop through the dusty floorboards, but Ben, oblivious to the argument still simmering in the kitchen, yanked open the door.

“You may as well both come in,” their father said, and Nadine noticed that his normally ruddy complexion was ashen. He gnawed on his lower lip and his hands fidgeted along the dirty red-and-black elastic of his suspenders. Sawdust was sprinkled in his hair and his broad shoulders looked as if they were weighted by invisible bricks. “As this concerns everyone in the family, we’d better talk it out. Sit down.” He kicked a chair away from the dining room table and, without a word, Nadine and Ben slumped into the worn wooden seats. “I’ll tell Kevin when he gets home.

“You all know that I’ve been promisin’ everyone in this family a whole lot of money. Education for you kids, a new house and car for your mother...everything.” His jaw wobbled slightly, and he paused to clear his throat. No one in the room dared breathe. “Well, it’s not gonna happen. The money I gave Mr. Monroe to invest is gone.”

“Gone?” Ben cried. “Gone where?”

George shrugged. “The investment didn’t pan out.”

“What do you mean, ‘didn’t pan out’?” Ben demanded, and Nadine’s stomach squeezed so hard, it hurt. “Where did it go? To old man Monroe’s pockets? To pay for one of his mistresses? To send his son to a private school?” Ben’s face was flushed, his eyes flashing fire.

“Now, hold on. I knew the investment was risky,” their father admitted, and Donna made a small whimpering sound. She leaned against the sink for support. “That’s the only way to make money—big money. The bigger the payoff, the riskier the investment.”

“What investment?”

“Oil wells.”

“Oh, God,” Donna whispered.

“You mean dry wells?” Ben demanded.

Nadine felt sorry for her father as he nodded curtly and said, “It appears that way.”

“But who says so? Monroe?”

“I saw the geological survey,” their father replied. “There’s nothin’ there but an empty hole.”

“Oh, it’s not empty,” Donna said bitterly. “It’s filled with every dollar we ever saved! It’s filled with the house we used to own, and it’s filled with our dreams, George, our damned, beautiful, foolish dreams!” Tears were tracking freely down her face, and Nadine wanted to run anywhere to get away from the awful truth and the doom she saw in her mother’s eyes.

“How could you trust a Monroe?” Ben demanded. “Everyone in town knows old Garreth’s as greedy and crooked as his brother-in-law. He was in on it, too, wasn’t he? I’ll bet it was Thomas Fitzpatrick’s idea. Monroe doesn’t have the brains to pull off a scam like this!”