Laura L. Smith - Anxiety For Dummies

In order to take baby steps, it’s a good idea to write down your overall, endpoint goal. For example, perhaps you eventually hope to be able to give an hour-long speech in front of a crowd without being overcome with fear, or maybe you want to be able to master your fear of heights by taking a tramway to the top of a mountain.

Sit down and chart out your ultimate goal, and then chart a goal that isn’t quite so lofty to serve as a stepping stone — an intermediate goal. Then chart out the action that would be required of you to meet that goal. If your intermediate goal feels doable, you can start with it. If not, break it down further into smaller goals, even baby steps. It doesn’t matter how small you make your first step. Anything that moves you just a little in the right direction can get you going and increase your confidence with one step at a time. Here’s how Alaina put this plan into action.

Alaina has a social phobia. She can’t stand the idea of attending social functions. She feels that the moment that she walks into a group, all eyes focus on her, which sends her anxiety through the roof. She desperately wants to change. But the idea of attending large parties or company functions overwhelms her with terror. Look at Table 4-3to see how Alaina broke the task down into baby steps. TABLE 4-3Alaina’s Baby Steps to SuccessGoalsStep-by-Step Breakdown of ActionsUltimate goalGoing to a large party, staying the entire time, and talking with numerous people without fear.Intermediate goalGoing to a small party, staying a little while, and talking to a couple people although feeling a little scared.Small goalGoing to a work-related social hour, staying 30 minutes, and talking to at least one person in spite of some anxiety.First baby stepTexting a friend, asking her to go to lunch, and talking about her struggles, in spite of anxiety.

Alaina found that starting with texting a friend for advice over lunch helped get her moving. She repeated going to lunch and seeking advice with a few more of her friends. From there, she took the next step and went to a work social event for 30 minutes. She enjoyed herself so much that she continued going to events. After getting closer to friends and work colleagues, she found attending a large party easy.

Most people find that breaking tasks down into many small steps helps, especially for formidable goals. Make the steps easy at first, getting a bit harder with each success.

Many psychologists have conducted extensive research on how people make important changes, such as quitting smoking, losing weight, and overcoming emotional difficulties. They found that change isn’t a straightforward process. It includes a number of stages:

Precontemplation: In this stage, people haven’t even given a thought to doing anything about their problem. They may deny having any difficulty at all. They’re unconcerned about possible negative effects anxiety may exert on their health or day-to-day ability to function well.

Contemplation: Here, people begin to think about tackling their problem. They have a glimmer of an idea that anxiety is getting in the way of their own happiness. But in this stage, it feels a little out of their reach to do anything about it.

Preparation: In the preparation stage, people develop a plan for change. They gather their resources and make resolutions. They may read books like this one, talk to friends about their problems, and possibly check out getting a referral to a mental health professional.

Action: The real work begins, and the plan goes into action. Whether it’s through support groups, individual therapy, or self-help, those in the action phase begin doing something active about their anxiety. They remain in this stage until goals are mostly met.

Maintenance: Now is the time to hold one’s ground. People must hang tough to prevent sliding back. During this phase, one wants to develop a plan for dealing with both expected and unexpected problematic events.

Termination: The change has become habit, so much so that relapse is less likely, and further work isn’t particularly necessary. Not exactly everyone reaches the full stage of termination. Most people continue to struggle from time to time. That’s normal and rather expected.

These stages look like a straight line from precontemplation to termination, but what these psychologists found is that people bounce around the stages in various ways. They may go from contemplation to action without having made adequate preparation. Others may reach the maintenance stage and give up on their efforts, slipping back to the precontemplation stage.

Many successful changers bounce back and forth in these stages a number of times before finally achieving their goals. So, don’t get discouraged if that happens to you. Keep your goal in mind, and restart your efforts if you slip. Yep. Try, try, and try again.

Sometimes anxiety feels like it will never go away. Believing that you have no control over it and that stress invades your every waking moment is easy. This section helps you to realize that anxiety actually has an ebb and flow. We show you how taking a few minutes to write down your feelings each day may discharge a little of your anxiety and possibly improve your health. We also help you understand that progress, like anxiety, ebbs and flows.

One of the best early steps that you can take to manage anxiety is to simply follow it every day in a couple of different ways. Why would you want to do that? After all, you already know full well that you’re anxious. Watching your worries is a good idea because it starts the process of change. You discover important patterns, triggers, and insights into your anxiety.

Observing anxiety fulfills several useful functions. First, monitoring forces you to be aware of your emotions. Avoiding and running away from troubling emotions only causes them to escalate. Second, you’ll see that your anxiety goes up and down throughout the day — which isn’t quite as upsetting as thinking it rules every moment of your life. And, you’re likely to discover that recording your ratings can help you take charge and feel more in control of what’s going on inside of you. Finally, keeping track helps you see how you’re progressing in your efforts to quell your distress.

Track your anxiety on your phone or in a notebook for a few weeks. Notice patterns or differences in intensity. Fill out your chart at the same time each day. On a scale of one to ten, ten being total panic and one being complete calm, rate the level of anxiety you experience around the same time in the morning, then again in the afternoon, and later in the evening. Virginia’s story shows you how tracking anxiety can be helpful.

Virginia complains to her friends that she’s the most nervous person on the planet and that she’s close to a nervous breakdown. Recently, her father had heart surgery, and her husband lost his job. Virginia feels completely out of control and says that her anxiety never stops. When her counselor suggests that she start tracking her anxiety, she tells him, “You’ve got to be kidding. I don’t need to do that. I can tell you right now that I’m anxious all the time. There’s no letup.” He urges her to go ahead and try anyway. Table 4-4shows what Virginia comes up with in her first week of tracking. TABLE 4-4Virginia’s Day-by-Day Anxiety LevelsDayMorningAfternoonEveningDaily AverageSunday4686Monday6797.3Tuesday5665.7Wednesday4575.3Thursday3886.3Friday5997.7Saturday3554.3Average4.36.67.46.1