Gilda Salinas - Ananke

“And I can’t stop loving you, baby / You know you’re my lady / I cannot be, I cannot sleep, / If you’re not here with me.”

The buzzer in the plant drowns out all the noise, and her routine begins.

Her workplace is aseptic and quiet. A long assembly line extends before her as she grabs every component the operators need to adjust in the motherboard. A lamp hanging above them illuminates the work area, and a supervisor observes everyone’s times and movements from a window. Mel, like other girls, listens to a radio she carries in her white robe.

The music doesn’t mix with her thoughts, and her hands are completely disconnected from her, as they continue working with precision. Despite her efforts, her husband’s presence makes her restless. Sometimes she still finds him attractive, and in the night, when memories come back, she wants him just as much as the first time they kissed.

Maybe her mother-in-law was right, alcohol changes people. “Can’t you see he’s drunk? And you won’t stop giving him hell, Mélida.”

What if he actually wants to change? How could he not love his son? They are identical .

One package of parts does not correspond with motherboard b734. She puts it away, and let’s her supervisor know about it. She makes a note on her schedule, and puts the package in the devolution bag at the back. She takes another package and makes sure the numbers match. The words in one of the love songs creep into her ear: “I’m just a sleepless dreamer, / a wandering soul / one that pays for his mistakes.”

‘Well, what’s the worse thing that could happen if I meet him?’

She tried to look her best. She had used the MP3 player— an old gift from Chilo—with all their favorite songs the entire week. Sometimes she murmured the songs to herself, other times she bellowed them. On that morning outside the assembly plant, everything seemed like before, there was excitement in his eyes, the desire to kiss her. Why not believe he had changed and they’d be back together? She could picture everything: their lives in the routine of a nice warm meal after he came back from the street market, the warmth and the aroma of their bodies at night, Sunday mass with their baby boy in her arms, the sun that makes her eyes squint, and a big family meal after that. However, going back to him also required some concessions.

She was about ready to go when something came to her mind. I should take Antonio. I’m sure he wants to see him. Any father would love to hold his son, especially when they look so much alike . She got him dressed. Armandina was curious.

“Where are you going, child?”

“Oh, just to the avenue, mom. You want me to bring anything?”

Armandina noticed how dressed up she was, and the way she dodged her gaze.

“Why are you changing the boy’s clothes if he’s already clean?” She stared at them in silence, and speculated about her actions. Mel didn’t face her. “You say you’re going to the avenue? With whom? Why are you taking the boy?”

“Oh, I just want my friends to meet him, we agreed to—”

“Don’t you lie to me, Mel, tell me where you’re going.”

She began to kiss and cuddle her son to avoid replying, she told him how handsome he would look in those new pants. Armandina went to the kitchen. She needed to think, or pray.

Soon after, the girl was on her way to the door with the boy in her arms. Armandina stopped them. “If you go see that man despite everything he’s done, that’s your problem, but you’re not taking my grandson.”

“Why is everyone yelling?” Juan shouted from his room.

Armandina thought about her next words before challenging Mel. “I’m the one taking care of him. My house, my rules. Give him to me.”

Mélida stepped back. Antonio was her son. She was free to do whatever she wanted with him. “See? I knew sooner or later you’d try to control me. That’s why I ended up moving with Chilo.”

“Vieja! What’s going on with the kid?”

“Don’t worry about it, Juan, I’m coming,” she replied to her husband. She blocked the door. Mel had to make a quick choice. She didn’t want to upset her father, and it was already late. What if Chilo didn’t wait for her? She faced the ground to hide her anger. Defeated, she put her son on the floor. Her mother moved out of the way but tried to warn her one last time about what she was about to do, and that was all. She saw her flee and slam the door. The kid gave clumsy steps after her. His tiny hand touched the metal surface of the door, and wept. Armandina hugged him and took him to his bedroom while he sobbed.

As soon as Mel saw Marcelino’s shape, something didn’t feel right, but she kept on walking toward him, and his smile covered any suspicions. “I thought you weren’t coming and I felt awful, mi flaca,” he said and brought her skinny body into his arms.

She dodged a kiss but stayed still against his chest. He smelled nice, like soap. In that moment, she enjoyed the feeling of submission. He didn’t stop smiling, his hands caressed her, and he risked another kiss on the neck while she held on to whatever sanity she had left.

“Wait, Chilo. You said you had bought clothes for our son. Where are they? Did you trick me?” At that moment, that was the least of her concerns, but she had to ask.

Marcelino loosened his grip. His hands glided down to her ass, and he got closer so she could feel his erection. He pressed his entire body against hers. “You see how horny I am? All for you, baby,” he said to her ear. A tingle ran through her body. “I brought the van from work, mi flaca. There’s the bag with my boy’s clothes. Wanna join me?”

This has to be a dream , Mel thought. Before she knew, they were in the back of a gray Ford van with tinted windows. They couldn’t manage to get fully naked. Kisses, reckless fondling, getting in position, making a path through their clothes, and then she felt his semen between her legs. “What? Is that everything, Chilo?”

“Oh, don’t worry, flaca. There’s more.”

He stepped aside and the back door of the van opened. A man entered while Mel tried to stand up, but he got on top of her. He pulled his zip down and took out his prick. He put on a condom and leered at her. She panicked, she tried to close her legs and run away, but Marcelino held her down. She used her hands and knees to keep the man from penetrating her. She begged for mercy but they said one vulgarity after another, and any insult she threw was met with a smack anywhere in her body. They made sure not to damage her, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t get violent and dirty.