A to Z Classics - Complete Works Of Oscar Wilde (Best Navigation) (A to Z Classics)

merriman

I have put Mr. Ernest’s things in the room next to yours, sir. I suppose that is all right?

jack

What?

merriman

Mr. Ernest’s luggage, sir. I have unpacked it and put it in the room next to your own.

jack

His luggage?

merriman

Yes, sir. Three portmanteaus, a dressing-case, two hat-boxes, and a large luncheon-basket.

algernon

I am afraid I can’t stay more than a week this time.

·81· jack

Merriman, order the dog-cart at once. Mr. Ernest has been suddenly called back to town.

merriman

Yes, sir. [ Goes back into the house .]

algernon

What a fearful liar you are, Jack. I have not been called back to town at all.

jack

Yes, you have.

algernon

I haven’t heard anyone call me.

jack

Your duty as a gentleman calls you back.

algernon

My duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree.

jack

I can quite understand that.

algernon

Well, Cecily is a darling.

·82· jack

You are not to talk of Miss Cardew like that. I don’t like it.

algernon

Well, I don’t like your clothes. You look perfectly ridiculous in them. Why on earth don’t you go up and change? It is perfectly childish to be in deep mourning for a man who is actually staying for a whole week with you in your house as a guest. I call it grotesque.

jack

You are certainly not staying with me for a whole week as a guest or anything else. You have got to leave … by the four-five train.

algernon

I certainly won’t leave you so long as you are in mourning. It would be most unfriendly. If I were in mourning you would stay with me, I suppose. I should think it very unkind if you didn’t.

jack

Well, will you go if I change my clothes?

algernon

Yes, if you are not too long. I never saw anybody take so long to dress, and with such little result.

·83· jack

Well, at any rate, that is better than being always over-dressed as you are.

algernon

If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.

jack

Your vanity is ridiculous, your conduct an outrage, and your presence in my garden utterly absurd. However, you have got to catch the four-five, and I hope you will have a pleasant journey back to town. This Bunburying, as you call it, has not been a great success for you.

[ Goes into the house .]

algernon

I think it has been a great success. I’m in love with Cecily, and that is everything.

[ Enter Cecily at the back of the garden. She picks up the can and begins to water the flowers .]

But I must see her before I go, and make arrangements for another Bunbury. Ah, there she is.

cecily

Oh, I merely came back to water the roses. I thought you were with Uncle Jack.

·84· algernon

He’s gone to order the dog-cart for me.

cecily

Oh, is he going to take you for a nice drive?

algernon

He’s going to send me away.

cecily

Then have we got to part?

algernon

I am afraid so. It’s a very painful parting.

cecily

It is always painful to part from people whom one has known for a very brief space of time. The absence of old friends one can endure with equanimity. But even a momentary separation from anyone to whom one has just been introduced is almost unbearable.

algernon

Thank you.

[ Enter Merriman .]

merriman

The dog-cart is at the door, sir. [ Algernon looks appealingly at Cecily .]

·85· cecily

It can wait, Merriman … for … five minutes.

merriman

Yes, Miss. [ Exit Merriman .]

algernon

I hope, Cecily, I shall not offend you if I state quite frankly and openly that you seem to me to be in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection.

cecily

I think your frankness does you great credit, Ernest. If you will allow me I will copy your remarks into my diary. [ Goes over to table and begins writing in diary .]

algernon

Do you really keep a diary? I’d give anything to look at it. May I?

cecily

Oh no. [ Puts her hand over it .] You see, it is simply a very young girl’s record of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for publication. When it appears in volume form I hope you will order a copy. But pray, Ernest, don’t stop. I delight in taking down from dictation. I have reached “absolute perfection.” You can go on. I am quite ready for more.

·86· algernon

[ Somewhat taken aback .] Ahem! Ahem!

cecily

Oh, don’t cough, Ernest. When one is dictating one should speak fluently and not cough. Besides, I don’t know how to spell a cough. [ Writes as Algernon speaks .]

algernon

[ Speaking very rapidly .] Cecily, ever since I first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty, I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly.

cecily

I don’t think that you should tell me that you love me wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly. Hopelessly doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it?

algernon

Cecily!

[ Enter Merriman .]

merriman

The dog-cart is waiting, sir.

·87· algernon

Tell it to come round next week, at the same hour.

merriman

[ Looks at Cecily, who makes no sign .] Yes, sir.

[ Merriman retires .]

cecily

Uncle Jack would be very much annoyed if he knew you were staying on till next week, at the same hour.

algernon

Oh, I don’t care about Jack. I don’t care for anybody in the whole world but you. I love you, Cecily. You will marry me, won’t you?

cecily

You silly boy! Of course. Why, we have been engaged for the last three months.

algernon

For the last three months?

cecily

Yes, it will be exactly three months on Thursday.

algernon

But how did we become engaged?

·88· cecily

Well, ever since dear Uncle Jack first confessed to us that he had a younger brother who was very wicked and bad, you of course have formed the chief topic of conversation between myself and Miss Prism. And of course a man who is much talked about is always very attractive. One feels there must be something in him after all. I daresay it was foolish of me, but I fell in love with you, Ernest.

algernon

Darling! And when was the engagement actually settled?

cecily

On the 14th of February last. Worn out by your entire ignorance of my existence, I determined to end the matter one way or the other, and after a long struggle with myself I accepted you under this dear old tree here. The next day I bought this little ring in your name, and this is the little bangle with the true lovers’ knot I promised you always to wear.

algernon

Did I give you this? It’s very pretty, isn’t it?

cecily

Yes, you’ve wonderfully good taste, Ernest. It’s the excuse I’ve always given for your leading such ·89· a bad life. And this is the box in which I keep all your dear letters. [ Kneels at table, opens box, and produces letters tied up with blue ribbon .]

algernon

My letters! But my own sweet Cecily, I have never written you any letters.

cecily

You need hardly remind me of that, Ernest. I remember only too well that I was forced to write your letters for you. I wrote always three times a week, and sometimes oftener.

algernon

Oh, do let me read them, Cecily?

cecily

Oh, I couldn’t possibly. They would make you far too conceited. [ Replaces box .] The three you wrote me after I had broken off the engagement are so beautiful, and so badly spelled, that even now I can hardly read them without crying a little.