Sue Campbell - The Parental Leave Playbook

Although dads often face different issues than moms, it is important to highlight their transition. Dads often feel extreme pressure to “provide” for their families, which can lead to overwork and a lack of self-care with serious health impacts. Dads and other non-birthing parents are not immune to perinatal mental health challenges, either. Research shows that 1 in 10 fathers experience depression and anxiety after their child is born. 15 Often, they do not seek help until they are in crisis. Partners of a birthing parent often internalize any emotional or physical difficulties that their partner or child may encounter as a reflection on them and something that they need (and want) to fix. They can be left feeling inadequate and unsure of how to step into their critical role. 16 When we look at outcomes in cases when dad gets paid leave and cultural support for time at home, we see how much it helps. For example, a study on a 2012 Swedish law that granted fathers more access to parental leave found that their partners' need for prescription anti-anxiety medications decreased by 26%. 17 When dads take paternity leave they are more confident as parents, have better relationships with their partners, and are less likely to be separated or divorced for as many as six years later. 18

When new parents have adequate time, space, and support during the transition to parenthood, it makes for healthier relationships in all spheres. At work, when communication is open and honest and leave planning is thoughtful and transparent, the relationship between the new parent and their manager (and often their team and HR) is strengthened. Team communication and trust as a whole improve when the handoff of duties is clear and well communicated and everyone understands their temporary role. Successful transitions can be used as a model for other teams in the organization and can become standard best practice. At home, parents can bond with their new child and—if there are two parents—with each other, to form equitable caregiving divisions that will prevent future strife and allow them to return to work with confidence that their home is a safe haven to refuel and restore.

Averaged across all races, women still make only 82 cents for every dollar men make. 19 Of S&P 500 companies, only 6% have women CEOs. 20 One of the biggest reasons that women have not yet achieved equity in the workplace is our cultural assumptions about who should be responsible for caregiving at home. Women are de facto caregivers and face bias, whether conscious or unconscious, that they are not as dedicated to their careers because of their current or possible future caregiving responsibilities. When men are empowered to be equal caregivers, not just through policy but through cultural messages, women will finally achieve full equity in the workplace and men will at home. I encourage all employers to offer gender-neutral parental leave and find ways to encourage all employees to take their full leave benefit. It may take time, but the more examples we have of men taking extended leaves to care for their children or other family members, the less we will punish women in terms of pay and opportunity for doing the same thing.

Although we have made great (and long overdue) strides in this country to recognize and include all types of families, we have a long way to go. And though cisgender, heterosexual couples who have biological children represent the majority of family formations, it does no good to pretend that method of creating a family is somehow preferred or superior. Children, parents, and society as a whole will benefit when we recognize the value of all types of family compositions. No one benefits when certain parents or children feel marginalized. A future that welcomes all families is bright with the rich insights diversity brings.

If what you read in this chapter resonates with your own anxiety, I get it. I invite you to take a deep breath. You've got this. Reading this book means you are already ahead of the game. By learning the techniques in this playbook, you will have the tools and resilience you need to handle whatever comes your way. We cannot control the world or what life throws at us, but we can improve how we respond by deepening our emotional intelligence and practical skill set. Parenthood is the perfect opportunity to work on what you can control: your own knowledge, planning, communication, and attitude toward one of life's greatest adventures.

1 1. E. Scalia & W. W. Beach. (2020). National compensation survey: Employee benefits in the United States, March 2020. Bureau of Labor Statistics, United States Department of Labor. https://www.bls.gov/ncs/ebs/benefits/2020/employee-benefits-in-the-united-states-march-2020.pdf

2 2. S. Brown, J. Herr, R. Roy, et al. (2020). Employee and worksite perspectives of the Family and Medical Leave Act: Executive summary for results from the 2018 surveys. United States Department of Labor. https://www.dol.gov/sites/dolgov/files/OASP/evaluation/pdf/WHD_FMLA2018SurveyResults_ExecutiveSummary_Aug2020.pdf

3 3. Economic Policy Institute. (2020). The cost of child care in [insert state]. https://www.epi.org/child-care-costs-in-the-united-states/

4 4. C. Ewing-Nelson & J. Tucker. (2021). A year into the pandemic, women are still short nearly 5.1 million jobs [Fact Sheet]. National Women's Law Center. https://nwlc.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Feb-Jobs-Day-v2.pdf

5 5. B. C. Tefft. (2016). Acute sleep deprivation and risk of motor vehicle crash involvement [Technical Report]. AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety. https://aaafoundation.org/acute-sleep-deprivation-risk-motor-vehicle-crash-involvement/

6 6. Office of Advocacy. (2016). United States small business profile. US Small Business Administration. https://www.sba.gov/sites/default/files/advocacy/United_States.pdf

7 7. D. G. Allen. (2008). Retaining talent: A guide to analyzing and managing employee turnover. Society for Human Resource Management. https://www.shrm.org/hr-today/trends-and-forecasting/special-reports-and-expert-views/Documents/Retaining-Talent.pdf

8 8. Joint Economic Committee. (n.d.). The economic benefits of paid leave [Fact Sheet]. United States Congress. https://www.jec.senate.gov/public/_cache/files/646d2340-dcd4–4614-ada9-be5b1c3f445c/jec-fact-sheet—-economic-benefits-of-paid-leave.pdf

9 9. D. Patton, J. Costich, & N. Lidströmer. (2017). Paid parental leave policies and infant mortality rates in OECD countries: Policy implications for the United States. World Medical and Health Policy, 9(1), 6–23. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/wmh3.214

10 10. OECD. (2021). Infant mortality rates [Indicator]. https://data.oecd.org/healthstat/infant-mortality-rates.htm

11 11. Centers for Disease Control Prevention. (2020). Pregnancy mortality surveillance system. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/maternal-mortality/pregnancy-mortality-surveillance-system.htm#:~:text=Since%20the%20Pregnancy%20Mortality%20Surveillance,100%2C000%20live%20births%20in%202017

12 12. The World Bank. (2019). Maternal mortality ratio (modeled estimate, per 100,000 live births)—European Union [Indicator]. https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SH.STA.MMRT?locations=EU

13 13. The World Bank (2019). Maternal mortality ratio (modeled estimate, per 100,000 live births)—Canada [Indicator]. https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SH.STA.MMRT?locations=CA