Sue Campbell - The Parental Leave Playbook

In Phase 2,you are on leave to welcome your child! Here you will focus on diving deep into being a new parent and the role expansion that requires. You will spend time bonding with your new child and family. This is a momentous time. You should have clear boundaries with work and as much support as possible from your friends, family, and community. I will help you to develop a communication plan with work (how/when to be in touch), prepare to advocate for yourself and your child with your support system and health care team, and when it is time, think about what arrangements you will put in place as your leave ends and you return to work.

In Phase 3,you will focus on returning to work and adjusting to your new normal as a working parent. For many, this is the trickiest part of parental leave, bringing up new and unexpected role conflicts. Echoing the preparations you made as you moved into leave, I will walk you through ways to acknowledge this big transition and adjust to your new roles. We will also work on ensuring you have access to ongoing career development opportunities so you can continue to build your career in the ways you want to.

We will wrap up the playbook by naming some of the additional human experiences and circumstances that can make the transition more challenging, such as perinatal mood disorders, single parenthood, and the way oppression and bias compound the difficulties for marginalized and underrepresented individuals, especially those in Black, Indigenous, Asian, Latinx, and other communities of color, as well as for LGBTQ+ parents. We will also look at how to carve out a better future as a working parent and help others do the same by your example.

Appendix 2will link you to concrete tools and resources to plan and manage your leave, including a leave plan template, checklists, reflection prompts, a perinatal mental health screening tool, books I recommend, and more to help round out your understanding and preparedness.

I am so excited to put this book into your hands. You deserve to enjoy both your family and your career. With the right tools and support, you can do just that. This playbook, based on extensive research and experience with hundreds of parents and managers in organizations around the world, will help you see what's coming so you can navigate this major life and career transition competently and confidently—while having fun along the way!

1 1. M. J. Budig. (2014). The fatherhood bonus and the motherhood penalty: Parenthood and the gender gap in pay. Third Way. https://www.thirdway.org/report/the-fatherhood-bonus-and-the-motherhood-penalty-parenthood-and-the-gender-gap-in-pay

2 2. J. B. Bear & P. Glick. (2017). Breadwinner bonus and caregiver penalty in workplace rewards for men and women. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 8(7), 780–788.

TAKE A MOMENT and imagine your ideal parental leave experience. What would it be like to have ample time at home with your new child and receive your full paycheck the whole time? How would it feel if your manager, HR representatives, and work colleagues were thoroughly trained and given all the resources they might need to guide you? What if there was clarity in how to best hand off your work and to whom, what paperwork you needed and when, and how much time you could take off?

Imagine your team throwing you a celebratory send-off that gave you just the right amount of attention, in ways that remind you that they know and care for you as you embark on parental leave to welcome your new child. And what if it didn't stop there? What if when your child arrives, your team sends you a basket full of useful new essentials, and some of those really cute stylish items you had been eyeing but weren't going to splurge on. There is even a matching t-shirt and onesie set with your work logo, and the back of yours reads Promoted to Parent!

During your leave, they know just how and when to check in and what news you want to be kept in the loop on so that you can let go of the mental load of work to completely immerse yourself in getting to know your child. When it is time to turn your attention back to work, they reach out to check if any of your return plans need to be adjusted and ask what they can do to make your first week (and beyond) go smoothly.

When you walk through those doors your first day back, you are able to breeze past any security because you have been proactively reactivated in the system. Your manager and colleagues have made a special effort to greet you with big smiles, and everyone wants to see more pictures of your new cutie pie. Your desk and IT access are set up flawlessly. A bouquet or a small plant welcomes you. When you sink into your chair you are able to soak in how much you were missed and how much your team values you. Even if you haven't been completely confident in yourself since you've been away, they are.

Notice how you felt imagining that future. Were your reactions unexpected? Did you feel hopefulness, pessimism, or something else? Did this feel like a possible future for you? Did you laugh at the idea? How did your body feel while you were visualizing this future? Were you tense or relaxed?

Now imagine if every new working parent was supported this way and was able to build their new family on a foundation consciously crafted without stress or shame, whether they were going back to work in an office, a restaurant, construction, their own business, or any kind of workplace. Think how strong our society would be.

This rosy future does not need to be hypothetical. Let's claim it as yours. Just as expecting parents take birthing classes to understand and handle the challenges of labor, I will help you understand the basics of the parental leave transition so you can better prepare yourself, practically and emotionally, for your transition into life as a working parent .

In this book we are going to lead you into your exciting new role and help you integrate it with your career plans and ambitions. With the right tools and support, I have seen (and helped) countless people do it well. Following the principles I'll outline in the following chapters, you will be able to maximize the upsides of your transition, sidestep pitfalls, and guide yourself and those around you through the rocky patches. You will have an easier time handing off your work, enjoy better communication with your boss and coworkers, gain more support at home, turn more thoughtful attention to the bonding experience of your family, and enjoy a smoother transition and adjustment back to work.

You will also be well positioned to use what you have learned to educate and inspire those around you on how to approach parental leave, paving the way for parents who come after you to have an even better experience. When working parents are given the support they need to thrive, we improve society and our companies at every level. Making sure you get that support lays the foundation for that progress.

Before we continue, let's get clear on some definitions.

Inclusivity is vital to our workplaces and our society. In this book I am using the broadest definition of family and parenting in order to support all parents, across all races, religions, gender identities, and sexual orientations. I'm speaking to you no matter what method you have chosen to form a family, be it birth, adoption, surrogacy, fostering, or another creative way. Notice that the language and imagery customarily used for parental leave issues are still problematically heteronormative and skew toward assuming a traditional birth as the path to parenthood. (Even the terms mom and dad do not always adequately label trans or nonbinary parents.) My goal is to always be inclusive, but there are places where the language (and even my awareness) has not yet caught up with the evolution of family structure. Using inclusive language is a simple way to show we care for each other. Let's work together to help influence this culture shift, and let's also give each other grace and understanding when we aren't yet able to get it exactly right. If you are becoming a parent, this book is for you .