Sue Campbell - The Parental Leave Playbook

Eventually, you will become less and less disoriented. You will return to work and reach a new normal where all things will start to fit into a more predictable pattern and routine. But finding a new normal takes time. Diving into the 10 touchpoints in these chapters will give you the tools (and help you recognize the ones you already have) to navigate this exciting time as it unfolds.

There is one more role I want you to consider taking on—a leader. As you continue reading, you will see that leadership is a key theme throughout this book. I invite you to imagine that your transition to working parenthood is a leadership development and personal growth workshop or retreat that makes even the most prestigious leadership program offered to C-Suite executives pale in comparison. You have already paid for it and put it on your calendar (even if the dates aren't exactly fixed!).

I mean this quite literally. What you will learn as you become a working parent is beyond what is taught in leadership development courses around the world. I know this because I have been creating such courses for more than two decades. In the mid-1990s, I was hired as the only employee for a new executive development and leadership coaching company being started by three trailblazers of the fledgling field, Drs. David Dotlich, Peter Cairo, and Stephen Rhinesmith. These master teachers took me under their wing and generously taught me everything they knew about leadership and the humanity at the core of it. We worked to create the most innovative off-site executive development programs of the time. My mentors held what is now a widely shared view but was a unique perspective then—that ideal leadership does not come from top-down commanders; instead, a true leader is someone with keen emotional intelligence who understands themselves and is attuned to their environment. These teachers invited program participants to pay attention to their head, heart, and intuition to become whole-person leaders (see their excellent book Head, Heart, and Guts: How the World's Best Companies Develop Complete Leaders 16 to learn more).

Decades later, everything we had created for tens of thousands of executives in those workshops and retreats was nothing compared to what I found myself learning as I became a mother and a working parent. I do not mean to minimize the profound impact a leadership development course can have, if it is done well. However, becoming a working parent was the most intense and rewarding experiential learning program I have gone through. It can be the same for you. Becoming a working parent is ultimately about the process of becoming —not just a parent, and not just a working parent, but a whole person more attuned to yourself, those around you, and the world. In other words, if you are open to it, this transition offers the possibility of becoming who you were born to be and what you were born to do. You started that process of evolving when you decided to become a parent; it is up to you how far you want to take it.

You can lead your leave by deepening your self-awareness as you navigate this major life transition. The exercises and processes you will find in the touchpoints throughout this book outline what to do in pragmatic terms. They go beyond practical matters, however, in digging into how to identify what matters to you and connect with your core values to guide you toward a more fully realized version of yourself.

You'll find a leadership box at the end of each touchpoint chapter to help you recognize and apply some of the whole-person leadership skills on offer during your transition to parenthood .

Your leave will be uniquely yours and shaped by your personality, situation, and beliefs. No matter what, you will learn and grow through this process. To the extent that you prepare yourself (practically and emotionally) and engage in the transition with a willingness to learn and lead, you will come out the other side stronger, wiser, and more connected to your life—at work and at home.

1 1. Pew Research Center. (2017). Modern parenthood: Roles of moms and dads converge as they balance work and family [Report]. https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/03/14/modern-parenthood-roles-of-moms-and-dads-converge-as-they-balance-work-and-family/

2 2. S. Canilang, C. Duchan, K. Kreiss, et al. (2020). Report on the economic well-being of US households in 2019, featuring supplemental data from April 2020. Board of Governors of the Federal Reserve System. https://www.federalreserve.gov/publications/files/2019-report-economic-well-being-us-households-202005.pdf

3 3. Canilang, Duchan, Kreiss, et al., Report on the economic well-being of US households in 2019.

4 4. Pew Research Center. (2019). Despite challenges at home and work, most working moms and dads say being employed is what's best for them [Report]. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/09/12/despite-challenges-at-home-and-work-most-working-moms-and-dads-say-being-employed-is-whats-best-for-them/

5 5. Bureau of Labor Statistics. (2020). Employment characteristics of families—2019. (USDL-20–0670). United States Department of Labor. https://www.bls.gov/news.release/pdf/famee.pdf

6 6. Pew Research Center. (2013). Americans widely support paid family and medical leave, but differ over specific policies [Report]. https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2017/03/23/americans-widely-support-paid-family-and-medical-leave-but-differ-over-specific-policies/

7 7. 99designs. (2017). How mompreneurs balance business and family [Info-graphic]. https://99designs.com/blog/business/mom-entrepreneur-infographic/

8 8. Pew Research Center, Americans widely support paid family and medical leave, but differ over specific policies.

9 9. Pew Research Center, Americans widely support paid family and medical leave, but differ over specific policies.

10 10. Pew Research Center, Americans widely support paid family and medical leave, but differ over specific policies.

11 11. Pew Research Center. (2019). Despite challenges at home and work, most working moms and dads say being employed is what's best for them [Report].

12 12. Pew Research Center, Despite challenges at home and work, most working moms and dads say being employed is what's best for them.

13 13. Pew Research Center, Despite challenges at home and work, most working moms and dads say being employed is what's best for them.

14 14. E. Barba-Müller, S. Craddock, S. Carmona, et al. (2019). Brain plasticity in pregnancy and the postpartum period: Links to maternal caregiving and mental health. Archives of Women's Mental Health, 22(2), 289–299.

15 15. E. Abraham, T. Hendler, I. Shapira-Lichte, et al. (2014). Father's brain is sensitive to childcare experiences. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 111(27), 9792–9797. https://www.pnas.org/content/111/27/9792.abstract?sid=e3887327–4793–48ef-9f22–7cb7d4c82a33

16 16. D. L. Dotlich, P. C. Cairo, & S. H. Rhinesmith. (2010). Head, heart and guts: How the world's best companies develop complete leaders. Jossey-Bass.

1 Beacom, A. M. (2013). The RETAIN maternity leave transition coaching model: Applying Schlossberg's transition theory to create a new model of executive coaching. Doctoral Dissertation. Teachers College, Columbia University.

2 Behson, S. (2021). The whole-person workplace: Building better workplaces through work-life, wellness, and employee support. Authors Place Press.

3 Lerner, S. (2010). The war on moms: On life in a family-unfriendly nation. Wiley.

4 Warner, J. (2005). Perfect madness: Motherhood in the age of anxiety. Riverhead Books.