Dion Fortune - Psychic Self-Defense

I had received serious injury from someone who, at considerable cost to myself, I had disinterestedly helped, and I was sorely tempted to retaliate. Lying on my bed resting one afternoon, I was brooding over my resentment, and while so brooding, drifted towards the borders of sleep. There came to my mind the thought of casting off all restraints and going berserk. The ancient Nordic myths rose before me, and I thought of Fenris, the Wolf-horror of the North. Immediately I felt a curious drawing-out sensation from my solar plexus, and there materialised beside me on the bed a large wolf. It was a well-materialised ectoplasmic form. Like Z., it was grey and colourless, and like him, it had weight. I could distinctly feel its back pressing against me as it lay beside me on the bed as a large dog might.

I knew nothing about the art of making elementals at that time, but had accidentally stumbled upon the right method -the brooding highly charged with emotion, the invocation of the appropriate natural force, and the condition between sleeping and waking in which the etheric double readily extrudes.

I was horrified at what I had done, and knew I was in a tight corner and that everything depended upon my keeping my head. I had had enough experience of practical occultism to know that the thing I had called into visible manifestation could be controlled by my will provided I did not panic; but that if I lost my nerve and it got the upper hand, I had a Frankenstein monster to cope with.

I stirred slightly, and the creature evidently objected to being disturbed, for it turned its long snout towards me over its shoulder, and snarled, showing its teeth. I had now "got the wind up" properly; but I knew that everything depended on my getting the upper hand and keeping it, and that the best thing I could do was to fight it out now, because the longer the Thing remained in existence, the stronger it would get, and the more difficult to disintegrate. So I drove my elbow into its hairy ectoplasmic ribs and said to it out loud:

"If you can't behave yourself, you will have to go on the floor," and pushed it off the bed.

Down it went, meek as a lamb, and changed from wolf to dog, to my great relief. Then the northern corner of the room appeared to fade away, and the creature went out through the gap.

I was far from happy, however, for I had a feeling that this was not the end of it, and my feeling was confirmed when next morning another member of my household reported that her sleep had been disturbed by dreams of wolves, and she had awakened in the night to see the eyes of a wild animal shining in the darkness in the corner of her room.

Now thoroughly alarmed, I went off to seek advice from one whom I have always looked upon as my teacher, and I was told that I had made this Thing out of my own substance by revengeful thoughts, and that it was really a part of myself extruded, and that I must at all costs recall it and reabsorb it into myself, at the same time forgoing my desire to "settle accounts" with the person who had injured me. Curiously enough, just at this time there came an opportunity most effectually to "settle" with my antagonist.

Fortunately for all concerned, I had enough sense left to see that I was at the dividing of the ways, and if I were not careful would take the first step on to the Left-hand Path. If I availed myself of the opportunity to give practical expression to my resentment, the wolf-form would be born into an independent existence, and there would be the devil to pay, literally as well as metaphorically. I received the distinct impression, and impressions are important things in psychic matters, for they often represent subconscious knowledge and experience, that once the wolf-impulse had found expression in action, the wolf-form would sever the psychic navel-cord that connected it with my solar plexus, and it would be no longer possible for me to absorb it.

The prospect was not a pleasant one. I had to forgo my dearly-loved revenge and allow harm to be done to me without defending myself, and I also had to summon and absorb a wolf-form which, to my psychic consciousness at any rate, looked unpleasantly tangible. Nor was it a situation in which I could either ask for assistance nor expect much sympathy. However, it had to be faced, and I knew that with every hour of the Thing's existence it would be harder to deal with, so I made the resolution to let the opportunity for revenge slip through my fingers, and at first dusk summoned the Creature. It came in through the northern corner of the room again (subsequently I learnt that the north was considered among the ancients as the evil quarter), and presented itself upon the hearthrug in quite a mild and domesticated mood. I obtained an excellent materialisation in the half-light, and could have sworn that a big Alsatian was standing there looking at me. It was tangible, even to the dog-like odour.

From it to me stretched a shadowy line of ectoplasm, one end was attached to my solar plexus, and the other disappeared in the shaggy fur of its belly, but I could not see the actual point of attachment. I began by an effort of the will and imagination to draw the life out of it along this silver cord, as if sucking lemonade up a straw. The wolf- form began to fade, the cord thickened and grew more substantial. A violent emotional upheaval started in myself; I felt the most furious impulses to go berserk and rend and tear anything and anybody that came to hand, like the Malay running amok. I conquered this impulse with an effort, and the upheaval subsided. The wolf-form had now faded into a shapeless grey mist. This too absorbed along the silver cord. The tension relaxed and I found myself bathed in perspiration. That, as far as I know, was the end of the incident.

I had had a sharp lesson, and a highly instructive one. It may not be convincing to other people, owing to the lack of corroborative evidence, but it was exceedingly evidential to me, and I put it on record for what it is worth to those who, having personal knowledge of these things, can see its significance.

It is a curious point that, during the brief twenty-four hours of the Thing's life, the opportunity for an effectual vengeance presented itself.

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