Karl Kraus - The Last Days of Mankind

VOICE OF A CABBY Get outta my way, ya dorty scum!

SECOND REPORTER Know what I’ve observed? I’ve observed people gathering in groups so as to be part of the action.

FIRST REPORTER Yes, and then—?

SECOND REPORTER A student made a speech, about everyone having to do his duty, and someone stepped out from a group and said “High time!”

FIRST REPORTER Not bad. I can only confirm that a great solemnity has enveloped the city, and such solemnity, tempered by a sense of exaltation and consciousness of this historical moment in world history, can be read in every face, in those of men who have already been called up, in those of men still left behind—

VOICE FROM CROWD Kiss my arse!

FIRST REPORTER —and in the faces of men entrusted with high office. Idle comfort and thoughtless hedonism are a thing of the past; the rallying cry is now sanguine sobriety and proud dignity. The physiognomy of our city has been transformed at a stroke.

PASSERBY ( to his wife ) Who cares! — You can go to the Josephstadt if you want, I’m going to the Theater an der Wien.

NEWSPAPER VENDOR Austrian advance! All positions captured!

WIFE I’m sick of seeing Husarenblut .

FIRST REPORTER No trace anywhere of anxiety or dejection, no one on edge or sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought. But equally, no blithe underestimation of the event or foolish thoughtless chauvinism.

CROWD Hurrah, a German! Serbia — we’ll murder ’er!

FIRST REPORTER Just look at that, the enthusiasm of the south guided and governed by German gravity. That’s what I see in the financial centre. For the Jewish quarter you might want to focus more on feverish excitement.

SECOND REPORTER Not my line, I’m all for elevated moods myself. Here and there, I’ll say, you can see some white-haired old fellow fondly recalling the distant days of his youth, or some elderly motherly figure, stooped and trembling as she waves farewell and bestows her blessing. There’s a woman clearly worried about her son or her husband. Turn around, and you can see them waving — they really are waving.

(A troop of boys in military peaked caps and with wooden sabres passes by, singing: “Who will choose the soldier’s trade — Prince Eugene made a bridge, a bridge he made—”)

FIRST REPORTER Make a note: a pretty genre picture. In any case we must aim to say as much about the common people as we can: the boss wrote only today that it is the source from which spiritual refreshment springs.

GROUP ( singing )

Those Serbs and Russian shits,

We’ll hack them all to bits!

Hurrah! Down with ’em! Hey, look at them two Jews!

SECOND REPORTER I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel like observing any more genre scenes. Let the boss come and refresh his spirits at the source, if he dares. I’d rather be far from—

FIRST REPORTER Far from being high-handed or fainthearted, this phrase we’ve coined for the prevailing atmosphere in Vienna — ( both leave quickly .)

A commotion occurs. A young man has stolen an elderly woman’s handbag. The crowd sides against the woman .

FEMALE VOICE Well, my dear, now we’re at war, it’s not like peacetime, everyone has to contribute a little something, this is Vienna!

POLDI FESCH ( to his companion ) Yesterday I was out partying with the Sascha Film people, today — ( exeunt .)

(Enter two devoted readers of the Reichspost .)

FIRST DEVOTEE OF THE REICHSPOST Wars are processes that reform people’s character and purify them, they’re seedbeds of virtue and inspiration for heroes. Now guns speak — straight from the shoulder!

SECOND DEVOTEE OF THE REICHSPOST At last! At last!

FIRST DEVOTEE Wars are a blessing, not only on account of the ideals for which they are fought, but also for the purification they bestow on the people who wage them in the name of the highest good. Times of peace are dangerous times. All too easily people become soft and shallow.

SECOND DEVOTEE After all, the individual needs a bit of a scrap to shake him up.

FIRST DEVOTEE Possessions, peace of mind, pleasure — they all count for nothing when the country’s honour is at stake. So may the war in which our country has been caught up—

SECOND DEVOTEE —so may the war, which seeks to punish an outrage and to guarantee order and peace of mind, be wholeheartedly embraced and blessed.

FIRST DEVOTEE Let us sweep all before us with an iron fist!

SECOND DEVOTEE In Prague, in Brno, in Budweis — everywhere they are rejoicing at the Emperor’s decisions.

FIRST DEVOTEE In Sarajevo they sang “God Preserve the Emperor.”

SECOND DEVOTEE Loyal Italy stands side by side with Austria.

FIRST DEVOTEE Prince Alfred Windischgrätz has volunteered for military service.

SECOND DEVOTEE His Majesty has been straining every nerve and sinew all day long.

FIRST DEVOTEE On the 27 July, between 12 and 1 pm, the financial arrangements for the war were finalized at the Post Office Savings Bank.

SECOND DEVOTEE The supply of provisions to Vienna for the duration of the war was settled by the Mayor in collaboration with the Prime Minister and the Minister of Agriculture.

FIRST DEVOTEE Did you see what they said in the paper? No price rises because of the war.

SECOND DEVOTEE That makes sense.

FIRST DEVOTEE In unswerving loyalty—

SECOND DEVOTEE —we pay homage to our venerable and beloved Emperor.

FIRST DEVOTEE Mayor Weiskirchner said: My beloved Viennese, we are all living through an age of grandeur.

SECOND DEVOTEE Well, it’s no small matter.

FIRST DEVOTEE We also remember and honour our ally in shining armour, he said.

SECOND DEVOTEE His loyal people have already laid their homage on the steps of the imperial throne.

FIRST DEVOTEE At the Emperor’s summer residence in Bad Ischl.

SECOND DEVOTEE You’ll see, the war will conjure up a renaissance of Austrian thought and action, just you wait. A clean sweep!

FIRST DEVOTEE High time the inner life had a new stimulus. Rat-a-tat-tat — and that’s that!

SECOND DEVOTEE We need to be cleansed by a storm of steel, that’s what we need! A storm of steel!

FIRST DEVOTEE Have you been mobilized yet?

SECOND DEVOTEE No way! Exempt! And you?

FIRST DEVOTEE Unfit.

SECOND DEVOTEE A sigh of relief runs through the whole population. This war — ( exeunt .)

(Soldiers marching past can be heard singing “In der Heimat, in der Heimat da gibt’s ein Wiedersehn” [equivalent of “Keep the home fires burning/Till the boys come home”].)

REGULAR SUBSCRIBER TO THE NEUE FREIE PRESSE ( in conversation with its oldest subscriber ) Interesting what today’s editorial says — that the Serbian court and all the rest of them are having to get out of Belgrade. ( He reads out .) “This evening it was not Vienna which was isolated and provided no safe refuge for court, government and troops. It was Belgrade.”

OLDEST SUBSCRIBER Golden words! That sort of thing is good to hear, and one feels just a trace of glee.

REGULAR SUBSCRIBER Although one might object that Vienna is currently further away from the Serbs than Belgrade is from the Austrians, since Belgrade lies directly opposite Zemun, while Vienna does not lie directly opposite Belgrade, and that they have already started firing from Zemun on Belgrade, while they cannot, thank God, fire from Belgrade on Vienna.

OLDEST SUBSCRIBER I can follow your train of thought, but where does it lead? However you look at the situation, you have to conclude that what he says in the editorial is true. Namely, that in Vienna the court and everything else can stay where it is, but not in Belgrade. Or isn’t that true? You strike me as something of a sceptic.