Квентин Тарантино - Once Upon a Time in Hollywood - The First Novel By Quentin Tarantino

Before Jim can answer, Rick says, “Of course not.

“If there was a list, at the time, George Peppard would have been right at the top of it,” Rick insists. “I mean, there’s not even a question about that. And if McQueen turned them down, they would have just turned around and offered it to Peppard. And since the role that Peppard did was the role in The Victors that McQueen turned down , if offered The Great Escape , Peppard would’ve not been an idiot and said yes immediately. And that , Mr. Stacy, would have been that ,” Rick concludes.

Makes sense , Jim thinks as he smiles at Rick’s delivery. But little does James Stacy know, Rick ain’t finished yet.

“But …” Rick starts up again, “ for sake of argument , let’s say before he can play the role, Peppard drives his Aston Martin off of Mulholland— No, wait a minute, that’s too cliché. Peppard gets eaten by a shark, surfing in Malibu. So thus he’s unavailable.”

Rick sums up the situation for Stacy again, making sure he’s keeping up with the train of thought. “So McQueen does the dumbest thing he’s ever done in his whole life, and Peppard gets eaten by a shark.

“Now do I get it?” the actor asks the other actor.

Jim nods his head up and down.

But Rick moves his head side to side. Then, explaining to James Stacy as if he were a five-year-old child: “No, I don’t get it. George Maharis gets it.”

Jim Stacy starts to argue, but Rick holds his hand up to stop him before he starts. “Now, why do I say that? I’ll tell you.”

Rick proceeds to explain, “Look, because of that TV show of his, in ’62 he was pretty popular. Not only that, two years later, Sturges cast Maharis in the lead in a thriller called The Satan Bug —which suggests he’s partial to Maharis. I mean, he didn’t cast me in the fuckin’ Satan Bug .

“So,” Rick continues, “if Steve McQueen does the dumbest thing he’s ever done in his entire life, and George Peppard gets eaten by a shark, then … George Maharis is Hilts, the Cooler King.”

Rick lifts up his cocktail, sips some sour booze through his straw, toasting Maharis. “But, for sake of argument, let’s say, before principal photography, Maharis gets caught having sex with a man in a public toilet.”

Jim Stacy bursts out laughing.

Rick continues, “So now Maharis is out, and Sturges goes back to the list. So, do I get it now?”

“Over George Chakiris, fuck yeah!” insists Stacy.

Rick shakes his head from side to side and tells Jim, “No no no no no, Jim, of course they offer it to George Chakiris.”

Stacy makes a face that indicates he disagrees, and Rick proceeds to demonstrate his point by raising his hand and counting off the reasons on his fingers:

Finger number one, “One, there is that inexplicable Oscar he’s got.”

Stacy nods his head, acknowledging, Yes, that’s a thing .

Finger number two, “Two, The Great Escape was produced by the Mirisch Brothers for the Mirisch Company.”

Finger number three, “George Chakiris has a deal with the Mirisch Company. He made the 633 Squadron with ’em. He made Diamond Head with ’em. He made that goofy Aztec movie with ’em. So not only do they like him —he’s under fucking contract with ’em!”

Seeing the logic in Rick’s hypothesis, Jim Stacy nods his head yes.

Dalton sums up, “So George Chakiris gets it, and that’s that.”

Stacy nods his head in agreement and starts to say something, when Rick stops him with an upward-pointing index finger. “But … let’s just say—for sake of argument —McQueen does the dumbest thing he’s ever done in his life, Peppard gets eaten by a shark in Malibu, Maharis gets caught fuckin’ a man in a public toilet … and it turns out the man Maharis was fuckin’ … was Chakiris !”

That makes Stacy do a spit take with his cocktail.

“So bye-bye, Bernardo,” Rick says with a big hand gesture. Then, hunching his shoulders, he asks Jim Stacy, “Do I get it now?”

Jim puts down his cocktail. “Of course you get it, you’re the last guy on the fuckin’ list!”

“That’s just my point, Jim,” Rick explains. “When the fuck do they hire the last guy on the fucking list? When you get to the last guy on the fuckin’ list, you throw out the fuckin’ list and start a new fuckin’ list !”

Shit , Stacy thinks, that is what they do.

“So now it’s not the three fuckin’ Georges, it’s the two fuckin’ Bobs. Redford and Culp. And now they decide to make the guy British, and all of a sudden Michael Caine’s got the fuckin’ part. Or,” Rick concludes, “they decide to say fuck it and pay Paul Newman what he’s asking for. Or Tony Curtis’s people call up and offer them a good deal on Tony. Regardless, I never stood a fuckin’ chance.”

Then Rick catches Cliff’s eye and indicates it’s time to bounce by placing his empty glass on the bar with a theatrical demonstration of finality.

“And with that, Mr. Lancer, I bid you adieu. I got a shit-fuck ton of lines to learn tonight, and I better learn ’em or get my eggs scrambled tomorrow by that snotty little dynamo.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

Nebraska Jim

After bidding Jim Stacy and the regulars at the Drinker’s Hall of Fame adieu , Cliff drops Rick off at his house around ten-thirty that night. Enough time for Rick to study his lines for tomorrow’s work and hit the hay around midnight or twelve-thirty. As soon as Rick walks through the door, as per usual for every actor in the world, he checks in with his answering service to see if he’s received any important messages. And, sure enough, there is one from the agent Marvin Schwarz.

Wow, that’s fast , Rick thinks.

So he quickly dials the number the agent left, and Marvin picks up the phone on the third ring.

Marvin Schwarz answers the phone, “Marvin Schwarz.”

“Hello, Mr. Schwarz,” Rick says into the receiver, “it’s Rick Dalton.”

“Rick my boy,” the agent gregariously answers, “so glad you called. I’ve got two words for you: Nebraska Jim—Sergio Corbucci .”

“ Nebraska what? Sergio who?” Rick asks.

“Sergio Corbucci,” Marvin repeats.

“And who’s that?”

“The second-best director of spaghetti westerns in the whole wide world,” Marvin informs him. “He’s doing a new western. It’s called Nebraska Jim . And, because of me , he’s considering you .”

“Nebraska Jim . Am I Nebraska Jim?”

“Yes, you are.”

“So he’s offering it to me?”

“No, he’s not.”

“So I don’t have it?”

“What you have is a dinner. He just met three young actors. Thanks to me, he’s now meeting four. You, Thursday after next, Sergio and his wife, Nori, at his favorite Japanese restaurant in Los Angeles.”

“Who’s the other three?” Rick inquires.

Marvin rattles them off: “Robert Fuller, Gary Lockwood, Ricky Nelson, and Ty Hardin.”

“That’s four,” Rick points out.

“Oh, that’s right,” Marvin realizes. “Sorry about that, you’re five.”

“Ricky Nelson?” Rick incredulously asks. “He’s considering fucking Ricky Nelson?”

“Ah, honey boy,” Marvin reminds him, “Ricky Nelson was one of the stars of Rio Bravo. That’s a helluva better movie than any one you ever made.”

“Look, Mr. Sch-Sch-Schwarz,” Rick stutters, “that’s terrific. But can I talk straight with you?”