Квентин Тарантино: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood: The First Novel By Quentin Tarantino

Jim Stacy groans, “Ugh … Fourteen -fuckin’- Fists of McCluskey. Heartbreak. Kaz-fuckin’-Garas. Fuck that guy —sorry, probably a friend of yours,” he says to Rick. “But still— fuck him anyway .”

He explains to Curt, Cliff, and Warren Vanders how he almost got the Kaz Garas part in McCluskey . “It got down to three. Garas, Clint Ritchie, and me. But Garas had already starred in a movie for Henry Hathaway at the time. So Hathaway calls up the brass at Columbia to pitch for his boy, and that was all she wrote for me and Ritchie,” Stacy says with a sigh.

Warren Vanders asks, “What was the Hathaway picture Garas did?”

“Some African piece of shit with Stewart Granger,” Stacy says.

Rick says, “I did an African piece of shit with Stewart Granger.” Then adds, “Biggest prick I ever worked with.”

“Speaking of fuckin’ pricks,” Stacy interjects, “Henry Hathaway, that’s a fuckin’ prick!” Then, adding quickly, “I mean, he’s a good director, he makes good pictures. But he’s a fuckin’ yeller ! And when he gets yellin’ an’ cussin’, he makes Sherman look like he marched through Georgia pickin’ posies.

“My wife did his last movie. Sweet girl, gentle as a little bird. He yelled at her all goddamn day, every day. Film’s over, the poor thing practically has combat shock . Let me bump into that prick in a bar one of these days,” Stacy says as he swigs his drink.

“Who’s your wife?” Rick asks.

“Kim Darby,” Stacy says.

“Holy shit,” says Rick. “You’re married to Kim Darby? You’re talkin’ about True Grit ?”

“Yeah, I met her on the Gunsmoke I did last year,” Stacy explains. “We’re married two months tops, she lands the lead in True Grit. ”

“Fuck me swingin’, you’re married to a star,” Rick says excitedly.

“Did you get a chance to read for that Glen Campbell part in True Grit ?” Curt asks Jim.

“Nooooooo,” Jim says dramatically. “Once Hathaway learned Kim was married, and not just married but married to some young, handsome swinging dick, I couldn’t even visit the set. He didn’t want my ass nowhere around.”

They all laugh.

“I don’t think he read anybody,” Jim speculates. “They just gave it to Glen Campbell.”

Rick slaps the piano in frustration. “What the fuck’s the Duke’s problem? He’s got great cowboy roles for young guys and he keeps casting these faggot singers can’t act. Ricky Nelson. Frankie Avalon. Glen Campbell. Fuckin’ Fabian. Dean Martin.”

Jim chimes in, “Well, Dean Martin’s a little different than the rest of those guys.”

“He’s a goddamn fuckin’ singer like the rest of ’em,” Rick emphasizes.

“Yeah,” Jim acknowledges, “but he can act.”

“Yeah,” Rick says, “he can act like a fuckin’ wop !”

They all laugh at that. Rick continues, “Don’t get me started ’bout Frankie fuckin’ Avalon dying at the fuckin’ Alamo.”

More laughter. Warren Vanders adds, looking at Rick but pointing at Jim, “You know who he was married to, don’tcha?”

Rick and Cliff shake their heads no.

“Connie Stevens,” Warren tells them.

Rick involuntarily jumps up in the air. “You were married to fucking Connie Stevens ?”

“I was married to and fucking Connie Stevens.”

Rick shakes his head sadly. “You greedy bastard. I had such a crush on her.”

“You and all of America, pal,” Jim adds.

“I kept pushin’ to get her on a Bounty Law , but ABC wouldn’t let her do NBC shows, so it never worked out. But if it hadda,” Rick adds, “that coulda just as easily been me walkin’ down that aisle.”

Stacy ain’t so sure about that, but he lets the statement stand unremarked on. He’s used to men’s jealousy over his track record with women. So he brings it back to his regrets over McCluskey: “Yeah, well, you got McCluskey, I got Stevens. But I don’t have Stevens no more, but you’ll always have McCluskey .” Stacy bitches, “I coulda been part of a cool team in a tough-ass movie, fuckin’ up Nazis. Instead, I ended up gettin’ my ass kicked by that squirt Michael Anderson Jr. on The Monroes .”

The men laugh at the Michael Anderson Jr. remark.

“But still, who am I to bellyache,” Stacy says. “Yeah, I coulda been fourth guy from the left in The Fourteen Fists of McCluskey , but you”—pointing his brandy Alexander at Rick—“coulda been the fuckin’ Cooler King .”

Aw, not this fucking McQueen horseshit again , Rick thinks.

Cliff winces, knowing how much Rick hates this story. Rick tries to wave the story away, telling Stacy, “C’mon, man, we already went through that shit.”

Warren Vanders asks Stacy what he’s talking about.

Jim takes his brandy Alexander and points it at Rick again and performs for the group of men. “This fuckin’ prick … came this close ”—holding up two fingers on the other hand an inch apart—“to getting the McQueen role in The Great Escape .”

Both Curt and Warren Vanders give big reactions to that revelation.

Rick holds up his own two fingers an inch apart and says, “I didn’t come this close .” Then Rick spreads both arms as wide as they go and says, “ I came this close .”

The other men laugh but contradict what they mistake as humble pie. “That close is fucking huge in my book,” says Warren Vanders.

Curt Zastoupil shrugs. “Oh, he almost got McQueen’s signature role. No big deal.”

Stacy points at Curt. “ EX-ACT-LY. ” Then he turns to Rick and waves his finger at the group of men. “Tell ’em about it.”

Fuck me , Rick thinks, I’m not going to tell this same fuckin’ story twice in one goddamn day, especially to the same fucking guy.

“Seriously,” Rick says to the group, “there ain’t nothing to tell. It’s just Sportsmen’s Lodge gossip.”

So since Rick’s being demure, Jim Stacy jumps in and tells it himself. “Apparently, McQueen almost didn’t do it. So the director draws up a list. Four names. Top of the list?” Pointing at Rick: “ This fuckin’ guy !”

“He’s making up that top-of-the-list part,” Rick clarifies.

Warren Vanders asks, “Who were the other three?”

Jim answers for Rick, “The other three—get a load of this—the three Georges.”

“Which three Georges?” Curt asks.

“Peppard, Maharis, and Chakiris,” Jim tells them.

Both Curt and Warren wince, with Curt adding, “Shit, between them three faggots you woulda totally gotten it!”

“What did I tell ya?” Jim says to Rick, then to Curt, “That’s what I said.”

Then Maynard yells from behind the bar, “Curt, I hope you enjoyed your little break. Now entertain the other thirty people in the room!”

Jim, Rick, Cliff, and Warren leave the piano area, and Curt sits back down on his bench and gets to work.

These eyes cry every night for you

These arms long to hold you again

The other men belly back up to the bar, where Maynard serves them another round (that’s round three for Rick and Jim and tap beer number two for Cliff). Cliff pays for the round. Warren Vanders pays his tab, says goodbye to the boys, and leaves while he still can drive.

On nights like these, Cliff doesn’t usually say much. It’s not like he’s biting his tongue, he interjects from time to time, but he knows these nights aren’t about him. It’s about two male actor colleagues sniffing around each other to build both an artistic and working relationship. This is their night.