Лорд Дансейни - Plays for Earth and Air

THE SPIRIT: As you please.

PELBY: Then I’ll ask the mouse. Neighbour, we have lived for a long while side by side. Will you not speak for us now, if our crumbs were good? There would have been no wainscotes but for man.

MOUSE: The traps of steel! The beautiful cheese that none could resist, and the cruel traps of steel. I do not speak for man.

PELBY: Then you, madam. I address the spirit of the cat, and with some confidence. I have only to remind you; I feel sure I need only mention; deep rugs, soft carpets, cushions of silk and down, sofas, and above all our fires. Where would any of these be but for man? Where would comfort be? Where warmth? Did we not make all that is soft and dry? And for what purpose? For ourselves, I admit. But for ourselves alone? Never. Your people came among our people by invitation, and were content to come. They had perfect freedom to go, but they did not go. I come to this overwhelming point in my argument; you accepted us then, I ask you to accept us now. ( To the SPIRIT.) Really, I think I’ve put that conclusively.

CAT: You asked the mouse first.

PELBY: Yes, I just asked her.

CAT: You asked her before me .

PELBY: Well, she caught my eye first.

CAT: She caught your eye before I did.

PELBY: She just happened to.

CAT: She happened to! And before me !

PELBY: Well, madam, I’m very sorry. But you’ll speak for man. Won’t you?

CAT: Never.

PELBY: We’ve done a lot for you. Won’t you help us now?

CAT: Never. I have been treated as less than mice.

PELBY: But you wouldn’t like, just because of my careless oversight, to see the human race destroyed.

CAT: Gladly!

PELBY: Some spirits are very touchy. ( To the SPIRIT that brought him .) Don’t do anything yet. Give me time. There are several that I can easily convince; but give me time.

THE SPIRIT: You shall have time.

PELBY: Thank you. There were a few points I wanted to think out. I wished to address the householders—H’m—Yes—Well, then. Ladies and Gentlemen, a householder myself, I address myself particularly to those who, like myself, dwelt in houses. I appeal particularly to the horse, the cow and the pig. No–one that has lived under a good slate roof can readily contemplate a life spent entirely in the open, in cold weather, year after year. And yet, if it were not for man, what shelter would you have ever had? And I wish to include the poultry in my appeal, and the bee, and several others. I know in my own house, when winter is coming and storms are beginning to blow up, perhaps about nightfall, how glad I am to be in a good solid house. I know stables that are built more solidly than some of our own houses, and cow–houses built quite as solidly. Nobody that has known the comfort and security of a house can disregard the link that, however much we respect the others, unites all householders in a special class of their own. It is to this class that I now appeal to speak up for one of its own members. ( To the SPIRIT.) You’ll find that will persuade them. ( Silence. ) Well, where are they all? Where is the horse?

THE SPIRIT: That.

PELBY: What, that silly fellow that’s always surprised when anyone moves?

THE SPIRIT: He.

PELBY: Well, sir; you are counted as our oldest friend. Will you help us now for the sake of what we call auld lang syne?

HORSE: ( Titters. )

PELBY: Well, of all the fools.

DOG: He’s a fool; he’s a fool. Shall I run after him? Shall I run after him?

PELBY: No, no, no. He is my respected friend.

DOG: He’s a fool. I often run after him, and he goes half way round the planets.

PELBY: No, no, no.

DOG: And he tried to kick me with both feet at once, over there beyond Saturn. He’s a fool.

PELBY: Now, don’t disparage my friend. You will speak for us, sir?

HORSE: ( Titters. )

DOG: He’s a fool. He’s a fool. He’s a fool.

PELBY ( to DOG): Be quiet. ( To the SPIRIT). And where is the cow?

THE SPIRIT: There.

PELBY: There? She’s been staring at me all the time. Well, she’s certainly heard all my points. Then, madam, you will perhaps speak for us. The question is what use is man to others besides himself. The answer is, I think, that he builds cow–houses…. She’s staring at me still.

DOG: Let me chase her. Let me chase her. Let me chase her.

PELBY: No, no. Most certainly not.

DOG: She’ll run away and stop staring.

PELBY: Most certainly not.

DOG: She will.

PELBY: To heel!

DOG: Oh, I beg your pardon, sir. I beg your pardon, Master.

PELBY: Stay there!

DOG: Most certainly, sir.

PELBY: Well, if you won’t speak for us, madam … No, she’s still staring. Then I must ask, er, excuse me, but which is the spirit of the pig?

THE SPIRIT: He.

PELBY: Him? You don’t mean the gentleman with the fierce moustaches? That smart–looking fellow?

THE SPIRIT: That is he.

PELBY: I shouldn’t have thought it. Well, sir, I appeal to you once more as a householder. I live in a house myself, and I know what it is, when a North wind is blowing, to have the shelter of good walls.

PIG: I love the North wind.

PELBY: But in winter there’s often snow in it.

PIG: I love the snow. I love storms. I love to protect myself in the oak–woods against the might of the winter. I need no houses.

PELBY: We did what we could to make you comfortable. Of course if you don’t like comfort …

PIG: We have no need of it, and no need of man.

PELBY: I see. Then you will not speak for us.

DOG: May I, Master?

PELBY: Certainly not.

DOG: Certainly not, sir. I shall stay here quite still; just as you have commanded me.

PELBY: And be quiet.

DOG: Most certainly, sir.

THE SPIRIT: No other speaks for you.

PELBY: I beg your pardon; that’s not so at all. I’ve scarcely explained anything yet. They’ll understand as soon as I make it clear to them. I’ve not done with the householders yet. We householders usually stick together. We look at things in rather a different way from what people do who roam the sky by night past half a dozen planets. There’s the bee for instance, I haven’t spoken to him yet. Where is the bee? What, there? The gentleman in the gold trousers. Well, sir, we not only made houses for you, but you sometimes used to live in the roofs of ours. I think you liked our gardens, and I fancy you had no enmity for us, as we had none for you. Am I right, sir?

BEE: We liked your houses. But somebody took our treasure. ( The BEE speaks in a musical poetical voice .)

THE BEAR: It wasn’t me.

BEE: I don’t know who it was. I was too busy to guard it. But I speak for no one, for fear he took the treasure.

PELBY: You will not speak for us?

BEE: I speak for no one. The treasure! The inestimable treasure.

PELBY: Oh well. Then the poultry. Will the spirit of the poultry speak for us?

HEN: I am she.

PELBY: Oh, er, how–do–you–do? I think you liked the houses that we built for you?

HEN: We liked better the deeps of the jungle.

PELBY: Oh.

THE SPIRIT: Have you any more to ask, before the end?

PELBY: I can’t think of any more just at the moment. That’s only because I have a bad memory. You aren’t going to condemn the whole human race merely because of that.

THE SPIRIT: Only if they are of no use.

PELBY: Of course they’re of use. Well, look here. I told you we linked up distant cities with our ships. And you said that was only for man. Now that’s where you’re wrong; and I’ll give you a case in point. And there’s a gentleman over there who will bear me out, though he is sitting all hunched up, pretending he isn’t there. I know perfectly well who he is. Now, you say ships are only for men. But a ship went to Australia once with a few rabbits on board. And what happened? The rabbits multiplied and lived in a country entirely free from enemies. They could never have got there but for man, and could never have thrived so well anywhere else. ( He turns to the spirit of the RABBIT.) You sir, yes you, will bear me out.