Pieter Hintjens - The Psychopath Code - Cracking the Predators That Stalk Us

Despite this, Mallory evolved in a predator-prey relationship. Later I’ll explain how this relationship has been good, even essential, for our species. First, I will provide a set of tools for breaking yourself or another person free. If you are in a relationship with a psychopath, you must have this goal. It can seem impossible. Yet there are ways out.

We start by asking the essential question, "am I confronting a psychopath?" and I will answer this in the next chapter.

Mark is in love. It’s not like him. Yet he is full of romantic energy. It washes over him and washes him away, like sea waves. He’s been seeing Florence for a few months, and they are perfect together. They clicked at once, love at first sight. Eyes meeting across the room, she strides towards him. She pokes him with a finger. "So you’re that Mark guy they tell me about." "What do they say?" he asks, flustered. "Nothing good," she says, turns, and walks away. That night, she’s in his hotel room and the next days he cannot stop thinking about her.

Apart from their age difference, and the fact he’s married, it’s perfect. Well, she’s also married, with a young child. Details, nothing can stop destiny. He’s a stubborn and confident man, works on intuition, afraid of no-one’s opinion. That’s how he made his money. That’s why Florence loves him, for his power and strength.

He tells his wife, who stares at him in shock. "How old?" she asks. She cannot believe this conversation is real. "How long have you been seeing her?" All the obvious questions. "I don’t want a divorce," he says, "just my freedom." He’d discussed this with Florence. He’s a responsible man. Abandoning his wife and kids would be shameful. The correct choice is separation.

His wife doesn’t argue, and doesn’t get angry. She has no tools to deal with this. The younger woman stealing her husband, it is such a caricature, so fatal. She wants to disappear. Money, she panics, how will she live? It’s all his money, she has nothing, except part of the house. If he cuts her off, she’ll have to beg. A life spent at home, raising the kids and cleaning. She feels powerless, mute.

Florence and Mark travel, and make their plans. They will live together, she has already chosen a house. "I don’t want your money," she tells him, and he insists. They fight over it, their first real argument, and finally she accepts. "Don’t think you can buy me," she warns. "I know men like you." He assures her, he’s different, and she relaxes again.

His friends tell him he’s looking happy, for the first time in so many years. He feels he is bouncing with energy, euphoric, and confident. Florence’s power flows through him. Only his sister scrutinizes him. She says, "you’ve lost weight, brother." He admits he isn’t sleeping enough. Problems at work, he explains.

And yes, there are problems at work. The endless corporate politics have turned against him. Florence is his rock. She helps him understand what’s going on. She warns him against trusting people who hate him and want to destroy him.

His accountant emails him, warning him he’s been spending too much money. Well, of course, the houses and the travel, it’s adding up. Everything in double now. He gets a personal loan from the bank. He buys Florence a new car. She’s angry with him for wasting their money, and they fight. Later she forgives him. The car’s OK, she says, and she takes it away for a drive.

It has been a year, and he’s changed. His ex-wife sued for divorce and won a good settlement. The house went back on the market. It sold with a loss. He didn’t care. Just money. They are fighting every day. She flips all the time. One minute, exuberant joy. The next, dark brooding anger. He can’t control her and he can’t predict her. He’s drinking too much, and not taking care of himself.

One day his boss calls him in. "Mark," he says, "I’m letting you go. Your department is not working. You’re in charge and I’m holding you responsible. We’re shutting it down. Your people will go to Bill. Please take your personal belongings. You’ll get a month of severance." Two men from security escort him out, to his office, and then out of the building.

He picks up the phone and calls his ex-wife. He needs someone to tell him it will be OK. Anyone. The calm voice says "the number you have dialed is no longer in service." He stares at the dirty wall of the small room. He reaches for the bottle of vodka. The bedroom door opens, and it’s Florence, suitcases in hands. "I’m leaving you, it’s over," she says, "don’t call me and don’t text me. You’ve done enough damage already."

I’ve explained how Mallory hides, hunts, attacks, feeds, and buries her corpses. Your next question is likely to be: "how can I tell if someone is a psychopath?" Once you realize psychopaths walk among us, things change. You start to wonder how many shape-shifting predators you know, or knew. You start to look at the people you meet, and ask, "you too?" The question may become an obsession. Yet it is the wrong question.

Or rather, it is only half the question. It is almost impossible to tell if a given person is a psychopath or not, without time to see how they interact with others. You need more than good observational skills. You need more than the awareness I described in The Feeding . You must actually get entangled, then analyze them as they attack you. If they attack you. And if you even realize that is what is happening. This is not an experiment I would recommend.

So a better question is, "how can I tell if a psychopath is active in my circles?" This is a valid question, and a necessary one. It is a question with solid answers. Psychopathy is like a disease that causes long-term mental damage in the entangled. This damage is Mallory’s impact crater. You can see that impact crater if you search for it. Look at yourself, other individuals, families, businesses, and other organizations.

It takes time and study. You look for pain, damage, trauma, and burnout. You look for depression and anxiety. You look for problems at school and work. For alcohol and drug abuse. Self-harm, and suicide attempts. If you see these, without other causes, chances are you’re seeing Mallory’s work.

Once you see an impact crater, then you can ask the question "who is Mallory?" Now you can pull out your checklists and narrow down the list of suspects. Start with the crime, then follow the trail. Someone is making a profit from that pain. When you have eliminated all other suspects, the last person left is Mallory.

So this chapter is about hunting Mallory. Yes, we are going on a safari. We will track, and maybe trap, the most dangerous animal of them all.

A hunter must know the terrain. I’ve already explained how Mallory hunts. Apart from meetings between strangers, there are three main contexts where Mallory hunts. Each has their dynamics defined by the depth and duration of relationships. These are: the project group, the workplace, and the family.

The project group is an informal social group with some goal. Project groups exist in culture, non-profit, arts, technology. A classic project group has a small set of organizers, and a larger set of members. The organizers set the rules and manage the group. Members join and leave at will, driven by their own schedule. Members may pay a fee, and their work is not compensated. Members who stay longer may become organizers. The group has clear goals, and regular meetings.