Steve Harvey - Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Hugging? Payment.

Kissing? Payment.

You getting dressed up? Payment.

Going out with us? Payment.

Exchanging explicit e-mails? Payment.

But if he wants to sleep with you make babies and have a family? Those are bene.ts.

So he's got ninety days on the job to prove himself worthy ninety days in which you can.gure this man out. You're an investigator can't nobody.nd stuff out like a woman. Y'all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street. You know how to.nd stuff out about a man he may not have even known about himself. So get to it. Create some scenarios so you can.gure out just who this guy is, and whether he's good enough for your bene.ts. Here are a few things you might want to.nd out.

Maybe your car broke down, or the water heater is about to give its last breath, or your kids are acting up and you can't get a handle on them. You're exhausted and the stress is showing on your face he can hear it in your voice. If he asks you, What's the matter? that's a good start. He's been around you long enough to know when you're not your normal self. That's progress. But now, if you answer him with, My car broke down and I don't have the money to.x it right now so I'm just a little worried about how I'm going to get to work tomorrow, and he says, Okay, well, call me when you.gure it out, you can scratch him off the bene.ts list. Be clear: you're not asking him for money to get the car.xed. You're just trying to see if he's going to probe deeper, and.nd out if there's anything he can do to help, whether it's to give you some advice on how to.x the problem, or step in to help you.x it. Did he offer to get up an hour earlier so he could drive you to work while your car is in the shop? Or give you the number to a guy who can.x your car for a deep discount? Did he offer to get up under the hood and take a look himself? Or tell you about his friend who owns a car shop and might be willing to do a favor for him and you?

Real men extend themselves to women they care about. If you have a problem and your man does not extend himself he doesn't try to make it better this is not a good candidate for bene.ts.

Now that other man, the one who'll scoot on the ground on his back with the toolbox, and come back out hours later with car grease all over his shirt and hands and face from trying to.x your raggedy car? That's the one who might deserve a cold beer and later on, some bene.ts.

Let's say an ex of yours is starting to call again, and it's making you uncomfortable because the breakup was particularly nasty and you just don't want to go down that road with him again. You tell the new guy you're bothered by this and are not sure how to make the ex just go away. A bene.ts-worthy man will immediately launch into.x-it mode he will see what he can do to (a) stop the guy from calling, and (b) get you to feel safe again. He might tell you something like, Next time he calls, let me talk to him. That's a little extreme, but there are some men who will get on the line and let the last ex know to mind his place. Or your new man may give you suggestions for how to deal with the unwanted phone calls; he might tell you to block his number or put a special ring on the phone so you know who it is when the phone rings, maybe even give you a few words to say to this guy to make him stop calling. This is a pressure situation; it doesn't require an action, but a reaction. If the new guy says something like, I just can't get into all of this, then he's not a good candidate for bene.ts. You're going to be in pressure situations in your relationship time and time again, and you should know up front, right now, if this guy is ready to handle it. If he goes into protect or.x-it mode, then he envisions you as his woman. And he just might be worth the bene.ts.

Say you lose a loved one someone really close to you. A man who has plans for you will immediately offer some form of comfort and help so that you can take the time to grieve. He might ask you if he can take your kids out for a couple of hours so you can have some time to yourself, or he might ask you if he can go with you to the funeral home to be with you while you see about the funeral arrangements, and so that he can express his condolences to your family. Note, ladies, he's probably not going to want to sit there and let you retrace your childhood and reminisce about the.rst time your deceased loved one pushed you on the swing; that's not about to happen it's not what men do. But a real man will respond with some kind of solution he will do what he can to help you stop crying, because no man wants to see his woman crying. If this man is not comforting if he's not coming up with some solutions to help you feel better, then he needs to be.red. He has no rights to the bene.ts.

A man who is worthy of the bene.ts will be there for you no matter what bad circumstance comes along. If you lose your job or fall behind on some payments because you had a huge and unexpected.nancial situation to deal with, he'll recognize your need for help and rise to the occasion, whether it's giving you a little extra cash to make the minimum payment on your bills, stopping by with a few bags of groceries, or.lling your gas tank.

Let's just get right to the crux of this whole chapter: when a man asks for sex, and he is told no, his reaction to that no will tell you everything you need to know about him. If the phone calls cease or become infrequent, the.owers stop coming, the dating slows down, please understand that this man was just in it for the sex. If he says something stupid, such as, I don't need to wait for sex I can get it from anybody, you tell him right back, Please do. This cuts the riffraff away right away. But if your saying no doesn't deter him, and he continues to try to get to know you better and prove to you that he's worthy of your bene.ts, then he's really, truly interested in you. Don't get me wrong: he's still interested in the sex. But he's also interested in knowing how you feel and what time frame you're working on. Then the relationship becomes about what you want what your needs are. And that's what you're after, right?

It's that simple.

Now, I realize that ninety days sounds like a lot of time and you kinda need to be real creative to keep his attention on you and your new relationship. So I came up with a list of things you can do with your man to help you and him stay focused on the relationship.

Go on dates that help you.nd out each other's interests: if he's into photography, hit up a photography exhibit at the local museum; if you're into cooking, take a cooking class together.

Host a barbecue at your house and invite him to meet your friends and family; a good guy should be comfortable meeting the people you love.

Go to church together; know that he's interested.

Sign up for a sexy Latin dance class so you can learn some new moves it'll show you if he's into trying new things, and you can tell if the man has, um, rhythm.

Find out each other's favorite artists and attend a concert together.

Release your inner kid and spend an evening playing games at an arcade.

Have a few.rsts together go horseback riding together, or hit up a batting cage, or fall all over each other at the ice skating rink.

Volunteer together help out at a local soup kitchen or read books to kids at a local foster home; you can tell a lot about a man who's willing to help others.

Rent a convertible and get lost cruising in your city; you'll have plenty of time to talk on a long drive.

Find a quiet place where you can watch the sunset together.

Play a board game.

Go for a long walk under a starlit sky.

Send each other naughty e-mails, so he can be sure that when he does get it, it's going to be good. (And you can make sure he's literate while you're at it.)