Steve Harvey - Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Now, this one you'll have to ask after a few dates, because he's going to need time to get to know you. But his answer will be critical because it will reveal to you what his plans for you are. If you've been out on a couple of dates and you've had lots of conversation, you know something about him, but what's more important, you want to know what he is thinking about you. You have a right to know. Oh, trust me, he thought something about you when he.rst walked up to you, and you need to know what it is. He was attracted to something he liked your hair, your eyes, your legs, your out.t. He didn't walk over there just to be walking. Beyond the initial attraction, however, men pretty much know if you're the kind of woman they're going to sleep with and keep it moving, or if they're going to stick around and see if they want more. This, you will be able to tell by his answers.

Listen to his answer closely. I assure you this is how it will go, because every man will answer this question the same exact way: I think you're great, I think you'd make a great mom, you're fun, kind, you're really beautiful, you turn me on, you're energetic, outgoing, a hard worker, very smart. I think you're the kind of woman I could see myself with, all of that generic stuff we know you want to hear. Still, this isn't the answer you should be looking for. You want speci.cs. You want to know that he's really thought about you beyond the surface. So do the follow-ups. Oh, you think I'm kind? What about me makes you think I'm kind? Then sit back and listen. If he can't give you a concrete example of how you've shown your kindness, he's not really thinking about you beyond the surface. But if he says, You remember that time when it was my mom's birthday and you called me and reminded me to pick up a card for her? That was really nice. If he tells you he thinks you're a great mom, make him tell you what it is about you that makes you a great mom. And so forth with whatever characteristic he attributes to you. The level of his speci.cs will give you yet another clue into this man's intentions for your relationship. If he can give you speci.cs, it means he's been listening and adding it up he's determining if he's going to keep you, if he can see himself in a committed relationship with you. And that could mean that you're at least on the same relationship page.

Now this is not to be confused with what do you think about me think and feel are two wholly different things. And if a man cannot tell you how he feels about you after a month of dating, it's because he doesn't feel anything for you he just wants something. Ask a man how he feels about you, and he's going to get confused and nervous: I told you before I think you're… he begins. You cut him right off and say, No, no, I want to know how you feel about me. He might shift in his chair, scratch his head, light a cigar anything to get out of giving you an answer or thinking of what he thinks you want him to say. But you'll have to get him to answer it.

Don't get upset if he doesn't answer right away: he's got to go into that part of himself that he doesn't like to go to, and that's the emotional part. Men do not do emotion well, at all, and expressing it doesn't come easy. He can answer questions about God and the kids and his mother, but with this question, you're asking him to look into his soul, and our DNA isn't made up for the heartfelt outpouring to just anybody. But this doesn't mean you should let up. What you're looking for in his answer is something like this: When I don't see you, I miss talking to you, I always wonder what you're doing and whenever you come around, I just feel better you're the type of woman I've been trying to.nd. In other words, his answer has to make you feel wonderful. He may not be in love with you just yet, but he's crazy about you and he's probably thinking he wants to explore a long-term commitment with you, because when he starts to profess and put you in a position where he can provide for and protect you, he's seeing a future with you in it. And this is exactly where you want to be with this guy.

The I think you're cool answer isn't going to cut it here, ladies. And if, after you've asked the question and probed deeper, you realize his feelings for you don't run very deep that he's just not there then you need to not be there, too. Pump the brakes until you start hearing and feeling from him the things that you think are important to hear and feel from a man with whom you're willing to forge a relationship.

We men are fully aware that we have to answer these questions, and any real man is going to answer them. You may not necessarily like the answers, but he's going to answer them. If he refuses, then don't bother with him. Don't think that you're going to work it out later that you'll wait him out until he gets more comfortable with you because that would be nothing more than blind hope. Before you know it, you'll be.nding out the hard way that this isn't the guy for you, and you'll be starting all the conversations with your girlfriends like this: You know, I slept with him and he's not about anything, I don't even know if he likes kids… Don't let this happen. Empower yourself it's your right to know all of these answers up front; per my ninety-day rule, which you'll discover in the next chapter, you need to ask these questions within the.rst few months of a courtship. If you're already in a relationship with someone, these questions are still valid if you don't know the answers. You can ask them for clari.cation. Or you may need to ask them with the hope that they'll solidify what you may already know either that you need to get out of your relationship or that you are headed in the right direction. His answers may help you cut your losses, before you invest too many more years in a relationship that isn't going the way you want it to go. Or they may make you say, Wow, I'm glad I'm with this man. Know, too, that though we'll answer the questions because we like talking about ourselves, our answers just may make us consider the woman who's asking the questions in a different light. We de.nitely want to know where our women stand on these issues, too, but we're not going to bring it up especially if our intentions for you aren't pure. But in your conversations around these issues, your man just might learn something about you, too, something that makes him know he's got a pretty solid woman on his side. Say, for instance, he tells you that he wants to be an engineer and he's going to night school to get his degree, and you tell him that you have a few friends who are engineers and you can offer to introduce him to them so that they can give some helpful advice as he works toward his new career. When you offer that helping hand, he starts to think, Wow, this woman is interested in my goals and ambitions. She's offering to help me out. Maybe she might be the one to get me to the next level. And he might just envision including you in those next level plans.

See, you're getting information from him and plugging yourself into all these slots do I see myself in his short-term plans, his long-term plans, as a part of his family, having babies with him, helping him continue a solid relationship with his mom, being a role-model dad for our kids, the whole picture? But it's a two-way street: know that this guy you're quizzing is listening to these intelligent, inquisitive questions, and calculating whether you're a woman who is his keeper or just a sports.sh.

Nineteen seventy-seven it was a good year. I was living in Cleveland, I had a two-bedroom apartment, brand spanking new. I hadn't quite gotten the car I wanted, but I was working on it. And I had a job at the Ford motor plant. They had a high hourly wage there, and overtime more money than a man of my stature could dream of making. But more important, Ford had bene.ts. Thing is, you had to be on the job for a while to get them. Oh, you could get a paycheck, but you could not get the bene.ts; and as far as any of the full-time regulars on the line were concerned, you were not in until you had the bene.ts. Ford's policy was that you had to work at least ninety days before they'd cover your health insurance; this was the plant management saying to me, we will provide you bene.ts after you have proven to me you are worthy work hard, show up on time, follow your supervisor's orders, and get along with your co-workers for ninety days, and then you can get dental and medical coverage. You can get your eyes checked, no problem. Your hernia could bust and we will take care of you. We will take care of your kids' teeth and eyes, and if you've got a woman, she can get glasses and crowns on her teeth if she needs them, and any more babies you have with your lady after this, we're going to take care of them, too. Your whole family will be covered. We are going to provide you with a bene.t package.