Steve Harvey - Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

But if you ask him what his short-term goals are, and he tells you something crazy, like I'm in street pharmaceuticals, and right now I have one block but my goal in the next few years is to have ten blocks on the west side from Henry Street to Brown Street, well, then you know right then and there that you can go on ahead and keep it moving. The same applies to the man who states his short-term goals, but clearly has no plan to implement them. For instance, if he says his dream is to be a producer, but he's not doing anything in the.eld to actually become one he's not interning or working for a.lm company, he's not writing or reading any scripts, he's not making any connections in the industry that might open some doors for him, he hasn't worked for four months and has no prospects of a job in the.eld he says he's interested in then you know this man doesn't have a plan. And if he doesn't have a plan, he's not going to achieve his short-term goal or it's really not a goal, he's just talking out of his behind. Either way, you may not want to sign up for his plan. Just stick to your own. Sure, there's a chance that he might get it together and make it in the industry, but why do you have to sign up for that? If he's got this whole pie-in-the-sky dream,.gure out if he's lying there looking at the stars, or if he's got a jet pack strapped to his back and he's about to take off to go grab that dream.

Trust me on this: a man who really has a vision for where he wants to see himself in ten years has looked into his future and seriously considered what it'll take for him to get there. It means he has foresight, and he's plotting out the steps to his future. If he says something silly like I'm just trying to make it day by day, run. If his long-term plan is the same as his short-term plan, get out. Immediately. Because his answer tells you that he hasn't thought his life through, or he doesn't see you in it and so he has no reason to divulge the details to you. All he's got for you is game. If he doesn't have a plan, why do you want him to stick around, anyway?

The man you should consider spending a little time on is the one who has a plan a well-thought-out plan that you can see yourself in. Because please believe me when I tell you and like I told you in an earlier chapter a man always has a plan. I know I did when I.rst started working as a comedian. I knew before I even told my.rst joke in front of an audience that within the next.ve years, my goal was to become a headliner and make at least $2,500 a week. With my eye on that prize, I was soon making $2,500 a week, and happy about it, too. Still, I wanted to become a headliner, and I upped the ante: now I wanted to make $5,000 to $7,500 per week. It took me about eight years, but I managed to meet my.nancial goal and I was happy about that, too.

And then I met Sinbad.

Now at the time, Sinbad was working at a comedy club in Birmingham, where he'd become so large, he was making $50,000 to $70,000 a week at this one particular club. Every. Seven. Days. And I knew I wanted a piece of that action. His success made me realize that there was something to this comedy thing that I needed to set in place a long-term plan that would afford me the kind of life I could see was possible for a comedian. I wanted to get on television to provide a lifestyle for my family that would make them proud. I envisioned my life this way, and then created a plan for how I was going to get it. Now, I knew it wasn't going to be easy that it would take time, because there were very few comedy clubs where you could make that kind of money, and you had to have the right connections and a great team to help get you there. But the point is, I had a long-term plan, with steps on how I was going to get there. Eventually, I reached those goals and then some.

Once you hear your potential mate's answer to questions number one and number two, you'll have a.rm understanding of the kind of man you're dealing with. Do not tie your life together with a human being who does not have a plan, because you'll.nd out that if he's not going anywhere, sooner or later, you'll be stuck, too.

Now this one is a multiple-part question that sizes up how a man feels about a gamut of relationships from how he feels about his parents and kids to his connection with God. Each answer will reveal a lot more about him whether he's serious about commitment, the kind of household in which he was raised, what kind of father and husband he might be, whether he knows the Lord, all of that. And the only way you'll.nd out the answers to these questions is to ask. Do it before you kiss this man, maybe even before you agree to go on a date with him this is a great phone conversation, for sure. And don't be shy or nervous about asking these questions, either, because what are you supposed to be doing with this man if not talking to him? If he has a problem talking about this right here, then something's wrong. Run.

First,.nd out how he feels about family. What are his views on it? Does he want a family? How does he feel about children? If you have a child, tell your man about him or her it's his business to know, but more important, it's your business to.nd out if he sees himself being a father. If he doesn't want kids and you do, then you can stop all of this right now. (Please know that if a man says he doesn't want kids, he's probably not going to change his mind, regardless of the intensity of his feelings for you.) Moreover, if he doesn't like kids and you already have them, where, exactly, is this relationship going?

Next, ask him about his relationship with his mother. It's the.rst relationship a man has with a woman, and if he has a good track record with her, then chances are he knows how to treat a woman with respect and has some kind of idea of how to profess, provide, and protect not only a woman but a potential family, too. I don't know a boy living whose mother isn't beloved. We learn to protect her and provide for her; we learn about the basic core of love for a woman from her. Indeed, if a man is at odds with his mother, it's a safe bet that he's going to be at odds with you. If you hear any part of Man, me and my mother? We just don't get along… in his answer, erase his number and texts from your phone and keep it moving.

After you.nd out how he feels about his mother, ask him about his father. If he had a great relationship with his dad, then he was probably raised with a core set of values that he'll bring to your potential home together. Now, I understand that a whole host of men grew up without fathers in their households, but chances are that the man you're interested in had a male role model in his life who showed him the ropes of manhood, or perhaps the absence of his own father taught him a few things about what he doesn't want to do when he becomes a father. At any rate, ask questions about his relationship with his father, and his answers are bound to reveal the kind of father he just might turn out to be.

You're also going to have to ask him about his relationship with God. Let me be direct: if you meet a man who doesn't have a relationship with God, he doesn't go to church and has no intention of ever going, and he has no belief system he can point to as a guiding force in his life, then it's a problem. After all, what moral barometer does he answer to if not to God? What's going to make him even consider being loyal to you? What's going to make him do right by you and the kids? What's going to make him feel whole? I'm not saying that you shouldn't date a man who doesn't go to church, or who has a different belief system than you. But if his core beliefs don't match up with yours, you're likely to have a problem.

These next two questions should be asked after you've been talking and dating for a while. Ideally, ask them before you have parted with the cookie (y'all know what I mean). If you have already had a sexual encounter with the man, you can ask these questions anyway. The answers may hurt a little bit more, but at least you'll know.