Steve Harvey - Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

And you know something? All of this made perfect sense to me. I was being challenged to show everybody at the plant that I was serious, and ready and able to work hard for both the salary and the right to have them pay my medical and dental expenses and as a man, I needed and wanted to prove that I was up for the challenge and worthy of the reward. I agreed 100 percent with what the Ford Motor Company was saying to me, and so I signed on the dotted line. I wanted to be a part of the Ford family.

The.rst day I got paid, the supervisor came through and said, Here's your check, appreciate you coming. The check was cool, but I wasn't making an appointment at the doctor's of.ce anytime soon. If I got a toothache hell, if both of my front teeth were loose and about to fall clean out of my mouth there wouldn't be any dentist appointments for ninety days, because Ford had already said I had to prove myself to the people who signed the checks in order to get the extras the perks.

It was a really simple equation: work hard, prove yourself, get the bene.ts.

And guess what? It's the same way with jobs in the government, places like the post of.ce, the DMV and even in some corporations. You have got to prove yourself to get the good stuff, the extras, the bene.ts.

So if Ford and the government won't give a man bene.ts until he's been on the job and proven himself, why, ladies, are you passing out bene.ts to men before they've proven themselves worthy? Come on now, you know what the bene.ts are. I'm not talking about being nice to him, or cooking for him, or going out to dinner with him, or helping him pick out an out.t, or bringing him around your mother. Those are things that happen during the course of a budding relationship you do special things for each other because you care. By bene.ts, in case you haven't.gured it out, I'm talking about sex. And if you're giving your bene.ts to a guy who's only been on the job for a week or two, you're making a grave mistake.

You don't know this man not much about him, anyway.

He doesn't know you.

He hasn't proven himself.

And he could walk off the job at any time.

And you'll have no one but yourself to blame.

Think about it: the.rst guy you slept with quicker than ninety days where is he? I'm willing to bet that you're probably not with him. True, there are some people out there somewhere who had sex early in the relationship and are still together to this very day, but that's rare. More likely than not, a guy who gets bene.ts early in a relationship, without having to put in work or prove himself, leaves and moves on to a committed relationship with a woman who puts him through some type of probationary period to.nd out more about him. I'm sure that woman laid out the rules the requirements early on, and let her intended know that he could either rise up to those requirements, or just move on.

A directive like that signals to a man that you are not a plaything someone to be used and discarded. It tells him that what you have your bene.ts are special, and that you need time to get to know him and his ways to decide if he deserves them. The man who is willing to put in the time and meet the requirements is the one you want to stick around, because that guy is making a conscious decision that he, too, has no interest in playing games and will do what it takes to not only stay on the job, but also get promoted and be the proud bene.ciary of your bene.ts. And you, in the meantime, win the ultimate prize of maintaining your dignity and self-esteem, and earning the respect of the man who recognized that you were worth the wait.

Of course, you've got to use your ninety days wisely; a probationary period means nothing if you're not putting this guy through the paces. During that ninety-day period, you should be checking him out does he come when he says he's going to come; does he call when he's going to be late; does he like and care about your friends and, if you have them, your children; does he express his joy at being in your presence? Most important, is this really a man with whom you can see yourself in a committed relationship? Or do you see signs that make your God-given intuition kick in? You know how it goes: you haven't been invited over to his house, you only have the cell phone number, he won't answer his phone when you're in the room or he takes hushed calls in the corner where you can't hear what's being said he tells you he's dating other women, or, somehow, you just know he is. These are tendencies you can't possibly see in a man you've dated for less than ninety days because guess what? The guy who is dating you just to get the bene.ts up front is going to be on his best behavior in the beginning, speci.cally so he can make you think he's worthy. But just as sure as time is going to come and go, he'll eventually show his true nature.

Give it at least ninety days, and you can smoke all of that out of him, so that you can be sure that this guy is the right man for you. After all, it's your right to want what you want and to actually get it. Put yourself.rst: ask the.ve questions (as mentioned in the previous chapter), withhold the bene.ts, and demand the respect. If you have a high level of respect for yourself, you're automatically going to command that respect from a man. Make him qualify for the bene.ts, and I guarantee you'll have a better man on your hands and in your bed. And once you're satis.ed he's worthy of the bene.ts, you can pass it out like sandwiches at a picnic.

Hold on, I know what you're thinking: you're thinking that if he doesn't get sex from you, he'll go and get it somewhere else, and you will have lost out on that one chance to get him to be your man or he'll think you're playing games if you make him wait, and he'll move on to the next woman who's willing to take him into her bed.

Wrong.

In fact, one of those mind tricks we've been playing on women since the beginning of time is to convince you all that waiting doesn't matter, that giving it up early and quick is the way to go. Listen to me: if we could convince you that you should strip naked and get to it within the.rst.ve minutes of our.rst meeting, we would. This is not a secret: men love and want sex, and will try (within reason) to get it by any means necessary.

But guess what? He. Can. Wait. Yes, of course you run the risk of scaring him off, but isn't the guy who sleeps with you without any obligation to you, or consideration of your wants, needs, and emotional well-being, the one you want to go away? Isn't reserving something that special for a man who earns it more of a bene.t to you? You have the power to make him wait to prove to you that he deserves your love and affection. The Power. Just think of it this way: when it comes to having sex with a woman, we men don't decide a thing. We don't determine when we're going to sleep with you that decision is yours. The decision of when we get to kiss you is yours. When we let go of each other's hug and embrace? That decision is yours. We put our hands somewhere on your body other than your shoulder and you decide if we can keep touching that place or if we gotta let it go. Our job is to convince you to give it to us to allow us to touch it, let us have it. But the decision on whether we actually get to have it is Y. O. U. R. S.

Don't give up that power. Keep it. You only give up that power when the man has earned it, and he is going to respect it and do something with it.

That's the truth.

Women have crumbled empires with that power. Cleopatra helped destroy Rome. Read your Bible: we're still in a jam right now because of Eve. Women have always had that kind of power, and you do, too including making the man you're dating wait for the bene.ts. Oh, I'm not saying you can't pay the man; payment comes along the way during that ninety-day probationary period. You can hug, kiss, talk on the phone, go for a walk in the park, have an ice cream cone together, go out for dinner. Your time is a form of payment. When we're out to dinner with you, you can't imagine how we feel when we're looking forward to meeting you and you show up with your lip gloss shining, your eyes seductively made up, and your hair whether it's blown out, in a weave, or natural is lovely, and your body gleaming. I cannot tell you the ful.llment we have in knowing that we've secured your time. And to be seen in public with you is a bonus; it's all the af.rmation we need. The payment is incredible.