Igor Yevtishenkov - Collection of Stories

Old American: “No thanks, not this time – not quite ready yet. Tell Mr. Satan I’ll callhim backlater on. Goodbye!”

The old man hung upthe phone and turned to his cousin: “You know, last time this call didn’t work from my house in Iowa. The line was breaking upand I seemed to be hanging onfor ages, so I cut the call off. This time the connection was great with no delays – fantastic!”

Next morning, a postman delivered the phone bill. The old American opened it and was once again surprised.

Old American: “Is this right? The charges are ten times less than I had in the USA. This is way too cheap.”

His Cousin (grinning): “Yes, but in the USA it’s long-distance… from Russia it’s just a local call!”

Julie couldn’t get through to Bill all day and was very upset. She didn’t want to talk to her classmates and went home alone. Her mother was cooking an apple pie in the kitchen and was chatting with a friend of hers on the phone. When she hung up, she smiled at Julie and said, “ A penny for your thoughts, honey. You look sad. What’s happened?” Julie didn’t say anything and just went upstairs to her room. She had no thoughts, nothing but disappointment and bitter resentment.

Jim (listening to long beeps in the receiver): – Hey, Tom, pick upthe phone! Where are you, goddamn it?!

Tom (cheerily): – Hello! Hello?.. Who’s calling?

Jim: – Tom, it’s me, Jim! Can you hear me?

Tom: – Who? Jane? Sorry, you are breaking up.

Jim: – No, not Jane! Tom, it’s me, Jim! I’ve been calling you for the whole morning. You aren’t picking up the phone. You mother said this was your number.

Tom: – Ah, Jimmy. It’s you! I’m in the shopping center with Mary now. It’s crowded. Speak up, please!

Jim: – Hey, I couldn’t get through to you yesterday. A girl picked up the phone, wrong number and I pissedher offdialing ten times or so. She eventually cut me off and switched offthe phone.

Tom: – What number did you dial?

Jim: – It’s 8852476391. It’s in my diary. Is it wrong?

Tom: – Yes, it is. Mine is 8852176394. Mother mixed up4 and 1.

Jim: – Lucky me, Julie had Mary’s number.

Tom: – Great! Sorry, hold on, please! Mary is calling me asking to have a look at her. She’s trying on a new dress. I’ll be back in a flash!

Jim: – Don’t hang up on me! I’m waiting…

Tom: – OK, I’m back. Sorry to have kept you waiting. OK, what’s up?

Jim: – There is a problem with our holiday. I can’t get through to Jane. She had to phone aroundto find a cheap hotel. I left a message on her answering machine but she didn’t get back to me.

Tom: – Did you call her office?

Jim: – The operator in the office put me through to her but I got cut off. Can you believe it? We are leaving early tomorrow morning and I don’t know whether she’s booked a hotel or not. The operator later said Jane had called in to say she was taking a day off.

Tom: – OK, calm down! Don’t worry, we’ll come up withsomething. I have a friend in Luton. I’ll call him and ask to putus upfor a day until we find outwhat’s going on. Keep in touch! See you and Julie tomorrow at the railway station! Don’t be late.

Ben tried his best to meet his parents’ expectations – he studied well and never slacked off. They paid for his college and helped him enter one of the Ivy League universities. To do that they had to borrow money. Ben graduated and soon realised he had no wish to trade stocks and shares. So he suffered a change of heart and left for Nepal to become a Buddhist monk. Their second son, Tom, was not as devoted to education as his elder brother, he often skived off at school and loved to show off. He used to tell his parents he wouldn’t like to follow his brother’s footsteps and asked them to let him make his own choice. By the age of 16 he hadn’t any plans, unfortunately and his parents realised that things started disappearing from their house. When they found out it was Tom who had been stealing them to sell them on, it was too late. Their younger son turned out to be a drug-addict and he could not live without them. They wasted a lot of money to take him into a drug rehabilitation center. It didn’t help. He ran away, broke into their house and stole his parents’ credit cards. The next morning they didn’t have a penny in their accounts. It was time to pay up the next instalment of the loan they had taken out long ago to help their elder son. So they were forced to sell their cars and some furniture for a song to pay it off. Eventually, their good intentions cost an arm and a leg.

Hi Rob,

How are you coping financially this term? Could you lend me some money to bailme out, please? I failed to pay my fees last week; I’d gone througha huge amount of money for games. I couldn’t imagine I’d run out of it so quickly. Last year my parents coughed up1k without a problem. But this time no chance. I didn’t goof offfor the whole term, I had A grades and now I am just lacking the money to go on. If you could help me, I guess I’d work offthe debt during the holidays. A friend of mine helped me get a job in her parents’ café. But it’ll take some time to earn money. So I hope you’ll help me to get by for a while until I get a more stable income.

Love,

Jessie

I can’t believe it’s my mobile phone bill. I enabled a stream video subscription last week and it gobbled upalmost all the money I had earned in the café. Besides, I ran upso many other bills that I had to break intomy account, which I had been savingfor the holidays for the whole year.

Monica

The trip to South Africa was fabulous! I’m just back and I found out it setme back$5,000US and cleanedme outcompletely. To tell you the truth, I found myself in a pretty awkward predicament. So I was just wondering if you could lend me a couple of hundred dollars just to get alonguntil my next pay cheque? It’ll be next week and I’ll settle upwith you then.

Robert

I came intosome money recently. Thank God, I got rid of commuting to work every day! My great granny died in Paris and left me a tidy sumin Euros. Also I got my annual bonus last month, so the money’s been rolling in. I’m seriously considering buying a flat and rentingit out. I don’t want to put money asidelike the old fossils were doing their whole life, going to the bank and paying regular sums into their account each month – no, nothing like that! If you have any idea how to reinvestthat easy money into profitable shares, let me know! I promise, you won’t need to cash upin your store every week and penny pinchthen.