Jennifer Crusie: The Unfortunate Miss Fortunes

He closed his eyes in exasperation, and for a moment she could look at him without him seeing her. He really was quite astonishing, even if he still seemed to shimmer a bit about the edges. She didn’t like men in suits, but it was still the best-looking suit she’d ever seen. Or maybe the best-looking man…

He opened his eyes. ‘You’ve never heard of me.’

She shook her head. She could dive out the window, she supposed. If she’d only had Dee’s ability she’d be something entirely different at this point – with luck she’d have turned herself into a man-eating tiger and disposed of him.

There had to be something she could do. Like turn the floor into Jell-O, but then she’d be trapped, as well. And she’d be just as likely to turn the worn wooden flooring into a sea of rats.

‘Sit down.’ Elric picked up another bunny as it hopped across the floor.

She didn’t move, staring at his hands as he stroked the furry creature. Elegant, dangerous hands.

‘I want you to go away,’ she said.

I’m sure you do.’ He set another fork on the table, then began to scoop up the other three that lay scattered on the floor. ‘But you’ll sit anyway. We need to talk.’

‘If you don’t leave I’ll call the police.’

‘You’re not calling anyone. You don’t want people knowing your secrets any more than I do.’

He had a point.

‘Then I’ll turn you into a rabbit.’

Oh, my God, it was the wrong thing to say. He laughed, and it was like a rainbow of color flashing through the room. A woman could be fool enough to fall in love with a laugh like that.

And then he put his hands on her, and she was lost. It was nothing more than the touch of his strong fingers on her shoulders, pushing her down into the kitchen chair, the same long fingers that had been so gentle with the baby rabbits, but it felt as if those shimmering colors shot through her body, and she sat down, hard, staring up at him.

He looked startled himself, as if he’d felt those strange colors, too. But then, of course he would – they emanated from him. He reached for a chair, then changed his mind, choosing one farther away from her, and sat. ‘Don’t look so nervous, Elizabeth Alicia,’ he said, his voice gentle on the Spanish pronunciation of her middle name. I’m simply here to stop you. You’re messing with things you don’t understand, and those things could explode in your face. Literally. Apart from the fact that you’re drawing unwanted attention, you could wind up dead. Alchemy is a tricky business, and you don’t seem to have the first clue as to how to go about it.’

‘Lizzie,’ she corrected him. And how do you know my name? Know so much about us?’

‘Everyone knows about the three of you, everyone with our kind of power. I’ve come to stop you before you do something irreversible.’

She was halfway to the door before she remembered it was locked, and any man who could turn her bunnies back into forks had to be capable of stopping her escape with little more than a blink. She felt completely foolish in turning around, but she didn’t have much choice. He was waiting for her.

‘I’m not going to hurt you, Lizzie. But you’re too dangerous to be left on your own. You need to make peace with your family. Someone your age should be in much greater control of her gift. You need guidance, teaching, things you gave up when your sister took you and disappeared. It’s a wonder you haven’t been caught – your half-assed attempts at alchemy upset the tenor of the cosmos.’

‘The tenor of the cosmos can take care of itself,’ Lizzie said. ‘We’re not going anywhere near our family or anyone else. We do fine by ourselves, thank you very much, and we don’t need anyone interfering.’

‘You screw up by yourselves. Haven’t you practiced your craft, learned its possibilities?’

‘No. We don’t want to do anything that could bring us unwanted attention, either from the people in town or People Like You.’

‘You can’t just ignore your powers. They misfire if you don’t work at them.’

‘We don’t want them.’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘All right. Then give them up. I can make arrangements.’

‘Not yet.’

She was really beginning to annoy him. ‘Whatever the problem is, I can fix it.’

‘You can’t fix everything,’ Lizzie said gloomily. ‘God knows I’ve tried.’

‘Maybe you can’t fix everything, Elizabeth Alicia,’ he said, ‘but you don’t even know me. Your sisters’ mistakes are only minor inconveniences – they might draw unfortunate attention but they don’t disturb the flow. You, on the other hand, are messing up big time, and I have no intention of leaving until you agree to stop what you’re doing.’

‘Then prepare to be here for a while,’ she said.

‘I’m on a mission, and I don’t give up easily. Once it’s accomplished I don’t intend to do magic ever again. Until that point there’s nothing you can do to stop me.’

‘You’d be surprised. Why are you planning to give up your powers?’

‘They’ve never brought me anything but trouble. I want to be normal.’

He let his eyes drift over her a brief, pregnant moment. This was a good thing – it was what he wanted. So why was he reluctant? ‘And just what is that noble mission?’ he said. ‘I can’t for the life of me figure it out. Every time you get upset, things change shape, and your workshop is a nuclear meltdown waiting to happen.’

‘My workshop is locked!’

‘Locks don’t have any effect on me,’ he said in a mild voice. ‘Tell me what you’re trying to do, and maybe I can help.’

She looked straight into those dark, mesmerizing eyes. ‘I’m trying to turn straw into gold.’

‘Change straw into gold? You’re kidding,’ Elric said to Lizzie in a flat voice, though he knew she wasn’t. Oh, Christ, he thought, staring at her. He couldn’t quite believe how someone so angelic looking could be causing this much trouble. Her guileless blue eyes didn’t begin to hint at the intelligence behind them, and with her tousled blond curls and slender body she looked like an impish teenager, not the woman he knew her to be. And what was it with her shoes? She was wearing Road Runner high-tops – how could he be attracted to a woman wearing Road Runner high-tops? Because he was.

‘We need money,’ Lizzie said. ‘That’s all Dee can think about, and if she didn’t have to worry about it, she’d stop trying to force Mare to go to college, and Mare would stop arguing, and if we needed to pick up and leave we could…’ Her voice trailed off, as if she’d realized she’d said too much.

‘And that’s what you think you need to do as soon as you can warn your sisters,’ he supplied for her. ‘But I’m not going to let that happen. You don’t need money, you need to stop what you’re doing.’

‘I need you to go away and leave us alone,’ she said, her voice stronger. She shifted, and he was afraid she was going to try to run for it. He could stop her, of course, without moving. But he was still shaken from their earlier contact, and he couldn’t figure out what had happened. Maybe all that random psychic energy that she and her sisters couldn’t control had managed to get between them and set off sparks. Maybe.

‘Too bad. Whatever made you think straw was a good base for gold?’

‘It’s traditional in alchemy,’ she said stiffly.

‘It’s traditional in fairy tales. Rumpelstiltskin, spinning straw into gold. In alchemy you turn base metals into gold. Like lead.’

She blushed. He liked his women sleek and sophisticated, dark-haired and whippet-thin. So what was he doing, fascinated by a pretty little girl who blushed? Besides, he was here for a reason, and getting distracted wasn’t part of his plans.