Jennifer Crusie - Manhunting

“Chicken?” Kate said, but Jessie moved on down the list.

“Now, number three, he’s going to have to give in on. I mean, you either confront or manipulate. Personally, I favor confrontation.”

“I know,” Kate said. “That is abundantly clear to everyone who knows you.”

“So, go down there and confront him. Tell him you love him and you’re insisting on marriage.”

“And when he says, ‘I think I remember you, vaguely,’ I can just crawl under the nearest rock.”

“Stop it,” Jessie said. “You know damn well he remembers you more than vaguely. Now, number four.”

“I’m still not happy about numbers one, two, and three,” Kate said, but Jessie said, “Number four we’ve already decided you’re giving in on. If he doesn’t want a career, he doesn’t have to have one. Number five is really number seven so we’ll put that off. Number six-”

“I don’t remember the numbers anymore,” Kate said. “What was number five?”

“Number six is a career for you down there. That we can do if we just work on it,” Jessie said. “Look, you keep telling me how overworked this Will character is. And the place must be full of little craft shops and stuff like that run by people whose idea of bookkeeping is a legal pad under the register.”

“Jessie, none of those things is a full-time job,” Kate said.

“Not one of them, maybe,” Jessie said. “But maybe all of them are.”

“What?”

Jessie shrugged. “Do them all. Once people start to hear about you, they’ll come in from other places, too. All of that stuff together would keep you busy enough doing freelance consulting.” She sipped some coffee. “I also think you ought to buy into Nancy ’s bar. You need to have something to fix, and that could take years.”

“ Nancy doesn’t want to sell,” Kate said.

“She doesn’t want to sell all of it,” Jessie said. “You could talk her into half, expanding with the money you’d put in. You could convince her.”

“That wouldn’t be right,” Kate said. “It’s her bar. It wouldn’t be right for me to try-”

“It’s good for the bar. It’s good for Nancy. And it’s good for Toby’s Corners,” Jessie said flatly. “Stop being such a wimp. Do it.”

“Carl Avery of Woolf Technologies, line three,” Kate’s secretary said, and Kate groaned and picked up the line.

“Kate! Darling, how are you?”

“What do you want, Carl?” Kate said. “I’ve been talking to morons all morning. I have no patience left.”

“Well, then, I’ll get right to the point,” Carl said cheerily. “This dividend you wanted us to pay? Bad idea, Katie girl. Very bad. I’ll just pencil that out, what say?”

“Over my dead body,” Kate said, taking her pen back from Jessie. “Your stockholders are due a dividend. Pay it.”

“Kate.” Carl chuckled. “Kate, Kate, Kate.”

“Carl,” Kate said, tapping her pen hard against her desk, “pay it or I’ll put you on my SEC Christmas-gift list.”

“Kate,” he said with much less enthusiasm, “this is not good business. That’s what we pay your firm for- good business advice.”

“Carl,” Kate said, “what you want to do is morally repugnant and marginally illegal. This is good business advice.”

“I’ll talk to your father,” Carl said abruptly.

“Good idea,” Kate said. “Maybe he’ll send me to bed without my supper. Who do you think you’re kidding?”

But Carl had already hung up.

“I’m telling you,” Jessie said, “Toby’s Corners is full of Debbies. And no Vandenburgs except on the golf course. And no- Who was the moron on the phone?”

“Carl Avery,” Kate said. “A long-standing client and potential felon.”

“Well, there are no Carl Averys in Toby’s Corners, either.” Jessie finished her fritter and licked the sugar off her fingers. “You could help little businesses and make Nancy ’s bar famous-”

“Maybe Nancy doesn’t want a famous bar,” Kate said.

“Well, she’s going to get one. Which brings us to number seven,” Jessie said. “Marriage and commitment.”

“Ouch. That is the big one,” Kate said, wincing. “Are you sure we solved one through six?”

“Shut up,” Jessie said. “You’re going to have to propose.”

“No,” Kate said.

“Yes,” Jessie said. “If you want something in life, you have to go after it If Jake is allergic to marriage, you’re just going to have to make the first move.”

“He’ll say no,” Kate said. “You don’t know Jake.”

“No, but I know you,” Jessie said. “And no man in his right mind would say no to you.”

“Jake’s not in his right mind.”

“He loves you.”

“Maybe,” she said, and Jessie groaned.

“Look,” she said. “This is your choice. Are you going to choose to be happy with Jake and Nancy and Penny down south, or miserable with Vandenburg, Avery, and Whatsis up here?”

“Well, if I stay up here I have you, too,” Kate pointed out.

“No, you don’t,” Jessie said. “If you walk away from this, I’m never speaking to you again.”

“Let me see that list again,” Kate said, and Jessie handed it to her. Kate brushed the fritter sugar off it and studied it. It was a lousy list, but it was doable. “All right,” she said. “I’ll do it.”

Jessie shoved the phone toward her so fast it almost skidded off the desk. “Call Nancy. Buy into that bar.”

“Now?”

“Of course, now,” Jessie said. “Let the company pay for the call. Do it.”

Kate froze, staring at the phone. “Just like that. Change my whole life, just like that.”

“Yeah, just like that. What the hell.” Jessie looked at Kate closely. “You look strange. Are you okay?”

“I’m terrified,” Kate said. “I don’t think this-”

“Don’t be dumb,” Jessie said. “This will be a piece of cake. Trust me. Call Nancy.” Jessie picked up Kate’s fritter and waved it at the phone before she bit into it. “I’m telling you, call Nancy.”

Kate thought for a moment, picked up the phone, and began to dial. She bit her lip while the phone rang, and then said brightly, “ Nancy?”

“Kate? At last,” Nancy said. “I’ve been calling and calling.”

“You have?” Kate said. “My secretary didn’t-”

“We didn’t have your business number. I’ve been calling you at home for the past two days. You have at least five messages on your machine. Don’t you ever go home?”

“Well, lately only to sleep,” Kate said. “What’s wrong? Is Jake okay?”

“No,” Nancy said. “You’re not answering your phone. He thinks you’re either dead or with another man, and he’s not sure which he’d hate more. Will and I have been pushing the ‘other man’ theory.”

“Why?” Kate said, confused.

“Motivation,” Nancy said. “He’s miserable without you, but he won’t do anything about it, so we’re hoping jealousy will goose him into action. If he shows up at your front door screaming, ‘Where is he?’ you can thank us.”

Kate started to laugh. “He misses me?” she said. “He really does?”

“Well, he won’t admit it, but believe me, ‘misses you’ is an understatement. We’re thinking of having him committed. He even insulted Mrs. Dickerson. He’s really miserable. I think you’d better come back and save him.”

“Well, actually, that’s what I called about,” Kate said. “Not saving Jake, but coming back. I’d like to-” she took a deep bream “-I’d like to buy into the bar. But not manage it,” she added hastily. “Not get in your way. I wouldn’t…”

“Go ahead, get in my way,” Nancy said. “I think it’s a great idea. I’ve been going over that master plan you made. I like it. Move back here and we’ll do it.”