Cooper Jilly - Emily

‘I don’t want Finn looking at your tits,’ he said.

He turned up every day after that. Neither of us mentioned Marina. I was surprised how nice he could be — not mocking, not bored, but I found his visits a terrible strain. If Finn knew about them, he didn’t say anything.

One day, a week later, a heavily pregnant girl was rushed into the room next door to have her baby. She was very young and frightened, and her husband looked even younger and more scared. But their tenderness for one another made me once again realize what I had lost.

When Finn came in later in his overcoat, just off on his rounds, he found me in tears.

He understood at once. ‘Is it the girl next door?’ he asked.

I nodded miserably. ‘It’s just triggered off memories,’ I said.

‘Don’t be unhappy,’ he said, putting his arms around me. ‘There’s years ahead for you to have babies.’

The door opened. I jumped and looked around. Rory stood in the doorway looking distinctly menacing. Going absolutely scarlet, I leapt away from Finn; then thought, why the hell should I after the way Rory’s treated me?

‘I thought you weren’t coming until later,’ I stammered.

‘So I notice,’ he snapped. ‘Shall I leave you to it?’

‘Don’t be stupid,’ I said. ‘Finn’s just off on his rounds.’

‘I’m quite happy to stay here if you think you’ll need protection,’ Finn said.

Rory set his teeth and strolled in the middle of the room. A muscle was pounding in his cheek.

Before he could speak, I quickly said, ‘I’m able to take care of myself, thanks.’

Rory glared furiously at Finn until he was out of the room. ‘If you don’t want me to smash the hell out of him, you’d better not start necking with him any more. OK?’

‘Quite OK,’ I said. ‘But quite honestly, you’re being fatuous. Only jealousy could merit such rage, and as you self-confessedly don’t love me, why the hell should you be jealous?’

‘I believe in protecting my own property,’ said Rory.

‘Anyway, he wasn’t necking with me,’ I said. ‘He was comforting me. I was miserable about losing the baby.’

Rory came towards me, holding out his arms. ‘It’s me who ought to comfort you,’ he said gently.

I shrank away from him, terrified. I started to cry.

‘Oh, for Christ’s sake,’ he snapped.

‘I’m not up to rows,’ I bleated.

He prowled up and down the room. ‘What a horrible place this is,’ he said. ‘It’s time you came home.’

‘I can’t!’ I yelped. ‘I’ve been very ill. Finn says I’m not strong enough to go home yet!’

Later that evening I tried to read Buster’s pornographic novel while the little girl had her baby next door. I held my ears to blot out her screams, and the voice of her husband trying to reassure her. Finally, I heard the lusty yelling of the new-born baby.

Later, going out to the loo, I saw the husband outside the room, tears pouring down his face.

‘Is she all right?’ I asked.

He nodded. ‘She’s wonderful, and the baby’s fine. A wee boy. We’re going to call him Finn after Dr Maclean.’

‘How would you like some whisky?’ I said.

‘I wouldna say no to a drop.’

I took him back to my room and got out the Lucozade bottle. An hour later we were sitting on my bed as tight as two ticks, laughing immoderately over passages in Buster’s novel. It was Nurse McKellen who discovered us. She was absolutely appalled.

I escaped to the loo, giggling feebly. I felt very peculiar. ‘At least I’ve got some colour in my cheeks,’ I said, looking at my flushed, wild-eyed face in the mirror.

Outside, I found Finn. I looked down the passage. There was no-one there.

‘Hello, darling,’ I whispered.

‘What have you been up to?’ he said. ‘Nurse McKellen’s spreading terrifying tales of drunken orgies.’

I giggled and collapsed against him.

‘You have been drinking,’ he said.

‘On the emptiest stomach in the Western Isles,’ I said, ‘and it’s gone right down to my toes. I’ve been celebrating the birth of little Finn the second, and reading porn. So I feel fantastically sexy.’

Finn tried to look disapproving, and then laughed. I wound my arms round his neck and kissed him. After a minute’s hesitation, he kissed me back, long and hard, until the blood was drumming in my head and I thought I was going to faint.

‘Wow, do I feel sexy,’ I murmured.

‘How the hell do you think I feel?’ he said.

A telephone shrilled in the next room.

‘I’d better answer that,’ he said. ‘I’ll deal with you later.’

‘I’ve got you under my sk-in, I’ve got you de-heep in the heart of me,’ I sang as I swayed down the passage, slap into Rory standing in the shadows. He must have seen everything.

‘Oh, God,’ I said, going briskly into reverse. He caught my arm and held on tightly.

‘You bloody phoney,’ he hissed. ‘You bloody little phoney. All that Dame aux Camelias act. Not feeling well enough to get out of bed, you said. Depends on whose bed, doesn’t it? Doctor Maclean won’t let you leave. I bet he won’t. You’re having a ball together, aren’t you — aren’t you !’ he yelled.

I looked around for a convenient second-floor window to jump out of.

‘You don’t understand,’ I muttered.

‘Oh, I do, baby, I understand only too well.’

The whole thing was getting too much for me. With a sigh I forced myself to look at him. I’d never seen him so cold with rage.

‘You’re coming home tonight, before you get up to any more tricks,’ he said.

That moment Finn came out of the side door. I thought they’d have a right old set-to, but I was wrong. Finn had other things on his mind now.

‘A petrol ship’s blown up outside the harbour,’ he said. ‘They’re bringing the survivors back in the life-boats. Most of them are likely to have second-or third-degree burns.’

‘So you’ll be needing all the beds you can get,’ said Rory.

‘Yes, we will,’ said Dr Barrett, coming down the hall.

‘I’ll take Emily home then,’ said Rory.

‘That’s an excellent idea,’ said Dr Barrett warmly — the scheming cow.

Finn looked as though he was about to protest, then thought better of it. ‘If you can take her to the castle,’ he said, ‘where there’s someone to look after her. See that she rests as much as possible.’

‘Of course,’ said Rory. ‘Do you need any help?’

‘I’ll ring you if we do, but most of the poor bastards will have had it.’

‘The ambulance is leaving, Finn,’ said Jackie Barrett, going towards the stairs.

‘Just coming,’ said Finn. He looked at me as though he wanted to say something, but I could feel him sliding away, both mentally and physically.

‘I’ll ring tomorrow and see how you’re getting on,’ he said. Then he was gone.

I felt overwhelmed with desolation and fear.

‘And now, Emily dear,’ said Rory softly, ‘I think it’s time you came home.’

We didn’t speak on the way back from the hospital, but as the castle loomed into view, Rory shot straight past it.

‘Finn said you were to take me to the castle,’ I bleated.

‘You’re coming home,’ snapped Rory, ‘where I can keep an eye on you.’

‘You can’t force me to stay with you.’

‘I can — even if I have to strap you to the bed.’

‘Go directly to jail,’ I chanted. ‘Do not pass go, do not collect £200.’

I steeled myself for chaos when we got home. But the house looked marvellous. Someone had obviously been having a massive blitz. Rory steered me into the studio. The canvases had all been stacked neatly into one corner, a huge log fire blazed, and the smell of wood smoke mingled exotically with the scent of a big bowl of blue hyacinths on the window-sill.