Iris Johansen - Blue Velvet

"You've known me for only a few days," Beau said hoarsely. "I was your first lover. You can't be sure you love me. Six months from now there may be someone else."

"My first lover, my last lover, my only lover." Her eyes were glowing softly. "Sometimes it must happen like that. First the loving and then the learning. Perhaps it's better that way. Just think of everything we have to look forward to experiencing together." She took a step closer and her hands reached up to cradle his cheeks in her palms. "Say it, Beau."

"No, it's not fair." His face was harsh with strain. "I won't use that kind of bribery on you, Kate."

"Bribery?" she repeated, startled.

"Love can be used as bribery." His lips twisted bitterly. "Believe me, I know. I can't tell you how many times I've had sundry uncles, aunts, and cousins dangle that carrot in front of my nose. 'We love you, Beau. Tell the nice judge you want to stay with us,' or, 'We love you but we do need all that lovely money so we can be comfortable, don't we?' Some people seem to think that saying those words gives them the right to demand almost anything in return." He shrugged wearily. "Hell, sometimes it nearly worked. I wanted to belong somewhere so badly that I came pretty close to believing one or two of them." His eyes were grave. "I won't use those tactics on you, Kate. You don't owe me anything."

She felt a rush of joy. He did love her! Now only the last shadows of the past were left to be cleared away and to do that she had to make him say the words. "You're not Uncle George, Beau, and I'm certainly not a little boy desperately wanting a family. I'm a woman who loves you." She frowned. "Or maybe you think I'm trying to use that same kind of pressure on you."

"No, of course not," he denied quickly. "I know you wouldn't ever-" He broke off as he met her quiet smile of satisfaction. "It's not the same thing."

"Isn't it? I think it is. Something very wonderful and special has happened to us and the past has nothing to do with it. I'm not letting my background interfere and neither should you, Beau. I don't want you to be chivalrous or even be what you deem as 'fair' to me. All I want is for you to love me. The rest will take care of itself." Her hands slipped from the planes of his cheeks to his shoulders to give him a gentle shake. "Please say it, Beau."

"I'm not chivalrous, damn it," he said harshly. "If I was chivalrous do you think I'd have married you? I knew our marriage wouldn't have too much influence on the immigration red tape we'd have to go through. I didn't even do it to force you to accept my help as I told you. I was just so damn afraid of losing you I had to tie you to me any way I could. I was freeing you with one hand and binding you with ropes of steel with the other. I wanted an excuse to hang around and watch over you, be with you." His lips tightened. "I think you would have found that any potential male threat to my cause would have mysteriously disappeared. I wouldn't have been able to help myself." He laughed mirthlessly. "Some Galahad!"

"Well, I'm glad to see you're not completely noble," she said, her eyes twinkling. "I'll be much more comfortable with the Beau I've come to know in the last few days. Can't you fall just a little further from the pedestal?" she coaxed softly. "Come on, bribe me a little. Say you love me."

"Kate, you're tearing me apart." His voice was shaking. "I'm trying to do what's best for you."

"You're a very stubborn man." She sighed. "You're what's best for me." She suddenly fell to her knees in the sand, the silky white gown billowing gracefully about her. She reached for his hand and tugged it imperiously. "Come down here."

He obediently fell to his knees facing her, his expression wary. "You're not thinking of seducing me again?"

"It's not a bad idea," she said with a cheeky grin. "But I don't want you quibbling later about undue influence. There'll be another time and place for that." She took his other hand in hers. "Now it's time for vows."

"Vows?" His expression became even more wary.

"My vows." She smiled lovingly at him. "You caught me off guard during the ceremony on deck, but I'm ready now. I think they'll be as valid said here with just the two of us as if we had all those witnesses."

"Kate-"

"Shhh, it's my turn." Her hands tightened on his as she gazed directly into his eyes. "You say you've found honesty and generosity in me. I hope it's true, for I've found both of those qualities in you. I've also found humor and kindness, courage and understanding. You warm me like the sun, and when I'm with you I want to stretch out my arms and my heart and the spirit within that they call the soul." Her voice was soft but vibrantly alive. "For the rest of my life I'll give you what you want and need from me. I'll protect and guard, grow with you and beside you, hold your hand in comfort and your body in passion." She paused. "And I will love you until the day I die, Beau Lantry."

The soft breeze was lifting the curls at her temple and she was gazing at him with those clear loving eyes that didn't know how to lie. He could feel something deep inside him melt and ebb away and knew whatever it was, it would never return. He didn't know how they came together, but suddenly she was in his arms. "Oh, Lord, I do love you, Kate." His voice was a broken murmur and the cheek he pressed to hers was damp with tears. "I do. I do!"

"I know you do." Her tone was almost a maternal croon. "And it will be better now, you'll see." She kissed him gently, her hand stroking the hair back from his face. "I don't want you to be strong for me, just with me. If you want to give me all those things, I won't argue with you. I'll accept them gladly, but you've got to accept my gifts as well. For the rest of our lives we'll be giving each other all we have to give. It will be beautiful, Beau."

"Yes, beautiful." His voice was still husky but he didn't try to hide it. "You're very sure, Kate? You wouldn't want to try it my way for a few months?" His lips twisted. "I don't think there's any way I could let you have complete freedom now but I'd try to stay in the background as much as possible."

"And make us both miserable?" She shook her head. "No way. I intend to enjoy my honeymoon."

"I'll see that you do." His arms tightened and he buried his lips in the curls at her temple. "I want to give you so much pleasure, Kate. I want to give you everything, be everything to you. I'd like to be your father and your brother, your friend and your lover." He tilted her chin to look into her eyes. "It seems that my entire life has been like that little carousel of yours, one long dizzy ride with the brass ring just out of reach. Now it's here, shining bright and true and it's mine."

The sun was almost down now and the rosy haze had turned to a mellow gold that touched everything with a clear radiance. Beau's eyes were golden now, too, and shining with the love he'd just admitted. It was too much. She buried her face in his shoulder once again. She tried to steady her voice into lightness. "So what now? Do we set sail on the Searcher and try to find Atlantis?"

His hand was gently stroking her hair. "I've been searching for Atlantis all my life, I think," he said quietly. "It's all a part of the carousel syndrome. No, I think we'll go to Briarcliff and visit Dany and Anthony. Then we'll go searching for something much more valuable."

"And what is that?"

"Purpose," he said slowly. "I'm beginning to think it may be the ultimate treasure." His lips brushed her temple. "After my Kate, of course."

"Of course," she said teasingly. "That does sound a terribly ponderous goal for a playboy with the instincts of a privateer. Daniel warned me that life around you might be a trifle boring from now on."