Theresa Paolo - (Never) Again

The elevator was the hardest. He kept trying to talk, and with no radio to turn up and no way of putting distance between us, I had to be creative. I started babbling.

“Did you know those mirrors are cameras?” I pointed to the mirror above us. “I wonder what they catch people doing in here. I can only imagine. I’m sure they pick their noses, their wedgies and God only knows what else.”

“People making out,” Zach said and I felt the conversation shifting back to the scene in the hotel.

I needed to think fast. Babbling was no longer cutting it. We still had two floors to go. A lot could happen in two floors.

I bent down to tie my shoe so he wouldn’t look me in the eye or move closer. When I stood up, I should have known he would be right there, invading my personal space. He rested his hand under my chin, but I refused to look him in the eye. The last time I did, it was a total disaster.

“Lizzie.”

The elevator stopped, the doors opened, and for once life wasn’t working against me. A group of people stood waiting to get on. I jumped away from Zach and basically ran out of the elevator.

The people created a barrier and gave me enough time to put a few feet of distance between us. Once we got to Josh’s room, Zach couldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t dare say anything in front of Josh. I hoped.

Josh’s curtain came into view and I picked up the pace. Zach’s hand closed around mine, but before he could pull me towards him I stepped around the curtain.

“Josh,” I said loud enough so Zach would hear me and know it was too late. My hand dropped to my side as Zach let it go.

“Hey guys,” Josh said, and I was grateful he was coherent. “What are you still doing here?”

“What do you mean what are we still doing here?” I asked annoyed he would even ask such a stupid question.

“I thought you would have gone home by now,” Josh said.

“Like you would if the situation was reversed?” Zach said the same words I was thinking.

Josh nodded. “Good point.”

“So, how they treating you here? Still harassing the nurses?” Zach asked.

“You know it.”

“Mom and Dad will be here this afternoon. They got a flight out,” I said, bypassing the playful banter and getting right down to the important stuff.

“I know. They called me.”

“How’d they call you?” I asked.

“They called the hospital and asked to talk to me. I have a phone right there.” He pointed behind him to the phone sitting on a table. “Mom was crying, of course.”

“Of course,” I said with a smile. Mom had always been emotional. Maybe that’s where I got it from.

I sat on the edge of Josh’s bed, across the room from the chair Zach was sitting in. I avoided eye contact.

“I’m going to get a drink. You guys want anything?” Zach asked.

“Nope, I’m good,” I turned my head quickly away from him after I answered.

“They’ll be bringing me some shitty lunch soon,” Josh said. “Don’t want to ruin my appetite.”

“I’ll be right back then.” I watched Zach disappear behind the curtain, then turned back to Josh.

“So how are you feeling?”

“Why don’t you stop trying to hide behind inane conversation and tell me what the hell is going on between you two,” Josh said.

He’d taken me by surprise. How did he know there was anything going on between Zach and me? “I’m not,” I said.

“Bullshit. Number one, your lip just twitched.”

Stupid lip.

“And number two, the tension between you two right now is so freaking heavy, I feel like I’m suffocating. So out with it, or I’m going to ask Zach in front of you.” My brother drove a hard bargain, but he knew how to get me to talk.

“You want the truth?” I asked.

“That’s a good start.”

“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. The past twenty-four hours have been hell, but he’s been there every second, and I want to hate him for the past, but he makes it so damn hard and . . .” My voice cracked and my words faltered as the pain of rejection settled back in.

“It’s okay,” Josh said.

“Is it? Because I’m not sure it is. And should I even be thinking about anything that has to do with me and him when you’re here in a hospital bed?” Tears leaked out and I let them. I wanted to stay brave for Josh but I realized I didn’t have to. Even if he was the one who had been shot, he was still my stronger, older brother and I was still his weaker, younger sister.

“It’s okay. You know, I believe that everything happens for a reason.”

“So you think there’s a reason for you getting shot?” I asked, thinking it was absurd.

“I do, and maybe it has to do with me or maybe it has to do with you and Zach. Who knows? Only time will tell,” he said, and if he didn’t have so many wires hooked to him and if he wasn’t still slightly drugged, I could tell he would have shrugged.

“I really hope you didn’t get shot for me and Zach.”

“That would kind of suck, but I’d be happy to take one for the team if it means you two working out whatever has been between you since he moved away.”

Zach returned just as Josh finished speaking, and I felt the tension between us lessening. I stopped trying to avoid eye contact and conversation—it was pointless.

“So Zach, you didn’t try to make a move on my sister in that hotel room did you? Because even with a bullet hole in me I could still kick your ass.” I almost smacked Josh upside the head but I resisted. Josh liked to push buttons, and after all he’d been through, I’d let him, at least for now.

“Nope. Couldn’t if I wanted to. She has a boyfriend after all.” Zach looked directly at me as he spoke. As if he was trying to communicate with me telepathically.

“Josh, sweetie! We’re here!” Mom’s voice was shrill as she rushed into the room, taking my brother into her arms as if he was still her baby boy. “I’m never going on vacation ever again. I will never leave you again. Or you Liz,” she said as she engulfed me in her embrace.

“How you feeling, son?” Dad asked after Mom had recovered herself slightly.

“Like I was shot,” Josh responded.

When Mom’s arms released me, I was taken back into an embrace by Dad.

There was a lot of hugging and a lot of crying.

I turned to find a calming face in the chaos, but I couldn’t find Zach.

He was gone.

“I’ll be right back,” I said, then bolted for the exit.

I searched the waiting room, the vending machine area, and the cafeteria.

As I pushed forward through the revolving door, I thought of what Zach had said in response to Josh’s question: “Couldn’t if I wanted to. She has a boyfriend after all.”

He didn’t not want to kiss me. He didn’t want to kiss another guy’s girlfriend. It had nothing to do with me. How stupid could I be?

I needed to find him. We needed to talk.

The parking lot came into view and I made myself move faster. I remembered Zach parking on the left side of the building in section G. So I moved quickly until the large white G on the pole was above me. But when I got there the Jeep was gone.

Zach was gone.

Zach was gone. I thought about calling him, but I didn’t have my cell phone or his number. I could have asked Josh , but the truth was that as much as I wanted to talk to him, I had no idea what I would say.

He had been right again. I had a boyfriend. How could I forget? I wasn’t that type of girl. Okay, maybe I was a tiny bit, since I did kiss Zach in the parking lot the night of the party, but I was pretending that never happened.

Instead of calling Zach, I borrowed my dad’s cell and called Joe. I was sure he’d be worried about me. The shooting was all over the news. He had to have called me a million times to make sure Josh was okay.