Theresa Paolo - (Never) Again

“I’m sorry,” I said again, because I didn’t mean for Zach to be hung up on me. I didn’t want to admit the nagging feeling of happiness that he hadn’t noticed her lingering in the back of my mind.

“Don’t be. I know my Zach is out there. I just have to find him. Besides, I refuse to be sloppy seconds. I’m better than that. And so are you, Liz,” she said, looking up at me.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, completely confused by her statement.

“Let’s just say, Joe isn’t who you think he is.”

“Excuse me?”

I knew he wasn’t perfect. But who was?

“Look. Liz, I like you. I always have, regardless of Zach, and I don’t want to see you get hurt, but if you stay with Joe . . . you will.”

I looked at her, unaware of what she was trying to tell me. It wasn’t making sense. There were gaps in all of her statements, and I didn’t have the pieces to put the puzzle together.

“If you want more answers, go to Charlie. I’m sure she can tell you what I can’t.”

Then she walked away. Just like that. Just walked away. How do you drop a bomb like that and walk away? And what could Charlie possibly tell me about my boyfriend that I didn’t already know?

Charlie was part of the band though. She was at all the gigs. She would be the one witnessing the girls throwing themselves at Joe. Maybe he had groupies. Oh God. Was he cheating on me with a groupie?

My stomach clenched as if the wind had been knocked out of me. Hadn’t I gone through enough already? Did I really need to have this thrown at me too?

I shook the thoughts from my mind and went to class. Zach never showed. The professor talked, but I didn’t hear a word he said.

The rest of the morning I went through the motions like a puppet in a show.

All my classes bled together. My mind kept drifting to the clusterfuck that was my life.

By the time classes were over for the day, I couldn’t go home. I needed to find Charlie and figure out what the hell Tanya was talking about.

I headed for the tattoo parlor where she worked.

“Hey Charlie,” I said as I approached the desk. The place was empty. Guess four p.m. on a Monday wasn’t prime time to get a tattoo. Though, as I got closer to the counter, I heard the buzz of a work in progress.

“Oh. Hi. Hey, Liz. What’s going on?” She tugged at her ear, then fidgeted with her hands before putting them in the pocket of her hoodie. Her eyes looked everywhere but at me.

“That’s what I wanted to ask you,” I said.

“Oh, really? Ha.”

Why was she laughing?

“Is there something you want to tell me about Joe?” I asked, and braced myself. But no matter how much I prepared, I never expected the confession that came next.

“I’m so sorry, Liz. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” Tears filled her eyes. She looked away.

“Excuse me?” I asked, trying to get her to focus.

“He kept telling me you guys were on the rocks, that he was going to break up with you.”

WHAT? She was still talking, but I was still trying to wrap my mind around her words. The ground spun and the lights were suddenly blinding. I leaned my body against a wall covered in tattoo art to prop myself up.

“So I thought it was okay, but then he never did. And I like him so much. I might even love him.” She pushed her bright red highlights off her face.

It took everything I had not to punch her. Though, could I really get that angry at her? Joe was charming, but for the first time I realized he was charming in a sleazy way. Not a Zach way.

Everything stopped spinning. The lights dimmed. And my mind suddenly became clear.

“You can have him,” I said and walked out the door.

I felt liberated. Exhilarated.

Josh was right. Joe was an ass. All this time I had been with him, and he had been messing around with Charlie’s mind. The poor girl thought she loved him.

I was done. If he thought it was okay to flirt with another girl to the point that he had her convinced that his girlfriend didn’t matter, he wasn’t worth my time.

And as much as I wanted to pull a Zach and disappear instead of dealing with the mess I was in. I had no choice. I needed to find Joe.

Trax was crowded. Purge was set to play, and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why people purposely put themselves through the torture.

At the door I saw signs for five dollar beer buckets. That made more sense. People weren’t there to see Purge. They were there to get drunk, and cheaply.

I pushed through the crowd and spotted Sadie and Matt, arms wrapped around each other. About time. I didn’t want to interrupt them—they looked so happy, lost in their own world. I went to sneak around them, but Matt noticed me.

“Rough day, Liz?” Matt asked as I approached. He genuinely looked concerned. He was one of the good ones. Maybe that’s why he and Zach were friends.

“You could say that.” I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a puff of air, then filled them in on everything that transpired throughout the day.

“He’s a jerk, Liz. I’m just glad you’re finally realizing that,” Sadie said.

“I would never play mind games with a girl, especially if I was with another one. That’s just wrong,” Matt said, and I couldn’t help laughing. He had “innocent ” written all over his face. If I looked hard enough I was sure I’d find the word in his freckles. Of course he would never do anything like that. He didn’t have it in him.

But it made me wonder. Was I just as bad?

“Um . . . Liz,” Sadie pointed behind me, but before I could turn around, Joe’s arm wrapped around my shoulders.

“I missed you, babe.” Joe kissed me on the cheek.

He’d never called me. Not even once to see how I was doing or how my brother was.

All he cared about was himself. And I was sick and tired of feeding his ever-growing ego. I was done and I wasn’t afraid for the whole bar to know.

Just as he was about to take me in his arms, I shoved at his chest.

“What the hell, babe?”

“First off—hi. How are you? My brother’s not dead. Thanks for asking. Oh, and by the way, I talked to Charlie.” Forget about the fact he didn’t call me. I didn’t need that explanation. I already knew it was because he was too self-absorbed to care about anybody other than himself.

He fumbled with his hands. “Oh. You did?”

“Yeah, I did.” I let my voice rise with each word.

“Look,” he said, almost in a whisper. “Maybe we should talk about this later.”

“No, I don’t think so. Now is fine for me.”

“It was just that one time. I was drunk. It didn’t even mean anything to me,” he said, sticking his hands in his pockets.

I gaped at him, too stunned to form words. He’d slept with her. He’d freakin’ slept with her! I was such a fool.

“Honest, it didn’t. I love you, babe. You know that.”

I held my hand up to stop the bullshit coming out of his mouth. He’d taken advantage of me. Used me as a doormat. And I had let him. But not anymore.

“No, Joe. You don’t love me. My brother could have died. And not only did you not call me once, but you fucked somebody else. I can’t believe I was almost dumb enough to lose my virginity to you.” I shook my head and bit my lip as the disbelief rushed through me. “You don’t do that to the person you love.”

“But—”

“No buts. We’re over.”

“But babe—”

“Don’t—” I held my finger inches from his nose, “call me ‘babe’!” I lowered my hand back to my side. “Goodbye, Joe,” I said and began to walk away. Then I stopped, turned around, noticed every pair of eyes in the crowded bar staring at me and said, “Oh, and another thing. Your band sucks!”