Jillian Dodd: Adore Me

This book is for

Melissa and Mireya, the original KC Addicts.

This book series is a continuous series in that there is no recap of what happened earlier.

This book starts the day the last one finished.

If you haven’t read the first four books, you probably won’t know what’s going on.

When we last saw Keatyn, she was getting ready to leave for Thanksgiving break. Below are the last few lines of Love Me.

I throw a few things in my tote bag, give my friends the kind of hugs you give someone when you know you’re not going to see them again, say a few goodbyes, and, at a little after noon, I hop in my prearranged car for the quick trip to the airport.

When I get to the airport, my jet is waiting for me on the tarmac.

It’s such a welcome sight.

My mom says when she goes to the spa in Palm Springs by herself that it’s good for her soul. And I know for sure that going on this trip by myself is going to be just that.

Good for my soul.

And I’m really looking forward to being completely by myself. No one to worry about but me.

I can do whatever I want.

And I’m going to do it.

I’ve even made a list. A miniature script of my vacation.

Where I commune with nature. Eat fish I caught myself. Do yoga on the beach. Swim with the dolphins. Macramé myself a pair of sandals. Make a necklace out of shells. Write my name in the sand. Build a sand village. Drink milk from a coconut. Lie in the hammock and read. Collect fruit from the trees and make my own tropical smoothies.

Make that spiked smoothies.

Wander down the beach.

Find a hot guy.

Shit. No. No guys.

I remember Vanessa telling me that. How it’s expected.

But I’m not going to do that.

I can’t do that.

I can’t jump from one relationship to the next.

I did that every time Brooklyn hurt me.

Coming to Eastbrooke has been really good for me in so many ways.

I’m stronger. Smarter. Nicer. Tougher. Happier with myself.

I’m doing things that I love.

I know what I want to do with my life.

Last night I went over it from every different angle.

Tried to imagine every different reaction.

How they would react if I told them.

How they would react if someone else told them.

But no matter how I try to spin it in my brain.

The outcome is always the same.

Our trust would be broken.

They’re all amazing. And I know they would understand why I had to lie.

What they won’t understand is why I didn’t trust them enough to tell them my secret.

That’s what will kill their trust.

And Aiden.

I can’t even imagine how Aiden would react.

He’d be crushed.

I’d be crushed.

And it would be ruined.

Vincent is like a massive natural disaster. A hurricane, a tornado, and an earthquake all rolled into one.

And nothing can survive that.

Especially not Eastbrooke.

So I’m not going back.

I pull my wallet out of my bag to grab a tip for the driver. As I do, the glow-in-the dark moon tumbles onto my lap.

“What the hell?” I say, noticing for the first time that there’s writing on it.

I flip it sideways and read.

Ruined my lips.

12:30pm

I re-read the moon in my hand.

While others may wish on a shooting star, it's the moon that holds my dreams afar.

I clutch it to my chest and take a deep breath while trying to figure out why Aiden would’ve written that.

I grab my phone, look up the quote on the internet, and get no hits.

Did he make it up?

My mind wanders to my own wish in the moonlight.

I shake my head. It can’t be.

And if Aiden really did make a wish on the moon then it’s official.

Fate is a cold-hearted bitch just like Aphrodite.

If Aiden truly was my fate, then fate would’ve allowed us to meet later in life.

Under different circumstances.

When I had gotten my life back, or when I had finally accepted that I’d never get it back.

A morbid thought flits through my brain. That I might not be here later in life.

A big part of me wants to turn the car around and go back to Eastbrooke.

I look at my phone and consider calling him. Consider reading all of his texts. Listening to all of his voicemails.

Asking him why he wrote on the moon.

But I can’t.

I have to deal with Vincent first. I have to get my life back. And after that, I promised to give B a chance.

I need to forget about Aiden. Put Eastbrooke and the friends I made there behind me.

My leaving is for the best. For everyone’s best.

I’m just not sure what’s best for me.

I've been mulling over a lot of options. I’ve considered moving to my loft, getting my GED, and starting NYU in the fall. But that would mean hanging out with Jake and Dawson. It would mean coming in contact with new people. People who I couldn’t make friends with.

I quickly ruled out that option.

Besides, I’m not going back to my loft.

I can’t.

I’m pretty sure Aiden ruined it, just like he ruined my lips. I’ll put it on the market and forget about it too.

I run my hand over my new four-leaf clover necklace and say a little prayer.

My phone rings, so I stop praying and answer with a polite hello.

“Miss Monroe, this is Edward at Jet Co-op. Before you board, don’t forget to stop in the office and sign the new paperwork.”

“I won’t,” I say. But, obviously, I had forgotten.

I hang up and ask the driver to run me back to the office.

I get out of the car and pull my sunglasses over my eyes, partially to block the light and partially because I'm a little freaked out to even go inside. I’m worried Vincent sent my photo to every airport in America.

I put myself into my role. I’m not Keatyn Douglas who’s being stalked. I'm Keatyn Monroe who’s just an Eastbrooke student.

Was an Eastbrooke student, I think, suddenly fighting back tears.

I’m looking at the office building, but in my mind I’m seeing the beauty that is Eastbrooke. The gorgeous trees. The old brick buildings. The commons. The people. I’m really going to miss everyone. I hate that I didn’t give them proper goodbyes. I hate that I did that to them. And most of all, I hate that I’m reliving this moment again.

I was stupid to go to Eastbrooke. Anyone in their right mind should’ve seen the potential problems.

But we weren’t really in our right minds when we made the decision. We were scared.

And I’m done being that way.

It’s time to take control of my life.

It’s time to fight back.

I take a deep breath and breeze into the office like I don’t have a care in the world.

“I’m Keatyn Monroe.” I shake Edward's hand and then review the contract for the many additional hours that I purchased on a whim a couple of days ago. That was when one of my options included me turning the tables on Vincent and stalking him.