Jillian Dodd: Adore Me

“But I wanna know what you said.”

“I’d rather tell you. On the island, in front of the ocean; preferably after a couple tropical drinks.”

“That bad?”

“Well, they started out with me trying to explain. Trying to understand. But then, toward the end, I’d say I was probably sounding pretty pathetic and desperate.” He shakes his head and smiles at me. “I don’t want to ruin my reputation.”

I watch as he scrolls through my phone, frowning, shaking his head, and occasionally rolling his eyes at what he wrote. “Pathetic,” he says, pressing buttons and deleting messages. When he’s finished, he hands me back my phone. “Only left one,” he says, putting his lips on my neck and grazing it with every syllable. “The most important one.”

I look down at my phone and read.

Hottie God: I’m not giving up on us. I can’t give up on us.

I’m really glad he can’t see the emotion that’s written across my face as I read. I close my eyes tightly and try to forget that in a few short days he’s going to have to do just that.

“Do you care if I lie down and rest for a bit?” he asks.

“Uh, no. Go ahead,” I tell him, but I’m not prepared for what he does. He stretches his long body out on the couch and puts his head in my lap.

I can’t stop my fingers from running through his hair, moving gently across one slightly puffy eye, touching his adorable freckle, and skimming across his nose. I'm convinced now more than ever that he's a god with special healing powers, because his broken nose is still completely straight and beautiful.

He closes his eyes and quickly starts breathing heavily.

I remember when he was asleep in Bryce’s room the night I saw his note, Why should I bother ? And his answer, Because she felt it too . Back then I didn’t think he was talking about me. Now, I think he was.

Oh, I never should’ve let him stay on this plane.

Telling him goodbye is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Right up there with leaving my family and B.

But I’ll just have to put on my big girl panties and do it. I want us to have an ending. I want him to be able to move on. To not have things up in the air the way they are with B.

I kiss his forehead, close my eyes, and try not to cry.

A few hours later, Peyton wakes up, stretches her arms above her head, unbuckles herself, and then comes to sit down next to me.

“We’re a fun crowd, huh? I’m sorry I fell asleep.” She looks down at Aiden sleeping in my lap. “He hasn't been sleeping much. Neither of us have.”

“Why haven't you been sleeping?”

“What you did with Whitney. Sitting with her when no one else would. That's the kind of girl I used to be. I never wanted anyone to feel left out. I got so wrapped up in myself, it's embarrassing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed. When I told you it would backfire on you, I was speaking from experience.”

“What happened?”

“Same deal. I started to worry more about my status than about people. I didn't like the way my best friend was behaving, so I decided to break away and make my own group. But I didn't go about it the right way. I didn’t choose those friends very wisely. My big coup was throwing a skip-school party and not inviting her. She ended up sitting at lunch alone while we were sharing party pics. It didn’t even really affect her, but I screwed up a friendship that was important to me, caused one of my friends to get drugged, and became a bigger bitch than she was. And even after that, she still helped me.”

“We talked,” she says, referring to Whitney.

“How'd it go?”

“Okay. I apologized for being an ass all year. I know she's always held that stuff over my head, but it’s been a long time since she's threatened to use it. Probably just my own insecurities. I was shocked she did that to Chelsea. She’s never done something like that for anyone. It’s always been for herself.”

“I think it was her warped way of apologizing for all the mean stuff she did to me. And if it’s any consolation, she's just as screwed up as we are.”

“You never seem to screw up.” She looks at my hand still absentmindedly running through Aiden's hair. “Except maybe with him. He likes you.”

“I like him too.”

“If only it were still that easy,” she laughs. “Like in middle school. All you have to say is she will like you if you like her back.”

“That's funny.”

She sighs. “What do you think of Camden?”

“I think deep down he's a good guy.”

“I sometimes wonder what it’d be like to marry him. But I can't really picture it.”

“Then it’s probably not right,” I say, my mind immediately conjuring up a wedding to Aiden. A hillside overlooking the ocean at sunset. Close friends and family. Ribbons in the trees and big hurricane lanterns lighting the aisle. Dinner at a winery. Brick patio. Candles on every surface and twinkle lights strung above our heads. Me in a dress with golden embroidery. Gorgeous shoes. Then a party. Dance floor set in the trees. Lots of wine. Lots of dancing. Aiden in a black suit looking a little dangerous and totally delectable.

Peyton touches my arm, causing my daydream to evaporate. “I just want you to know that when we go back to school, things’ll be different. I'll be different.”

I gave her an understanding nod.

Peyton and I have different backgrounds but we’re alike in so many ways. I know with a little more time she could’ve been a lifelong friend.

Lifelong.

I know that once I start this showdown with Vincent my life might not be very long.

But, I guess, at least it will be mine.

“So, what are we gonna do on the island?” Peyton asks.

“Relax. It has everything you could possibly want. Aside from the ocean, sandy beach, and infinity pool, there is a two-lane bowling alley, gym, movie theater, and even a small nightclub.”

“You and Aiden could dance. He said you guys had fun at the club in New York City.”

“We did have fun. I loved the Empire State Building. Did he tell you we watched a couple get engaged?”

“He did. You know, he’s gotten romantic.”

“What do you mean gotten ?”

“All the little things he’s done for you. He’s never really had to try with a girl, but your relationship is different. And what the hell was the dirt about?”

“You know how some relationships are kinda shallow? You like them because they're hot, or just for sex, or cuz you want to make someone jealous?”

“Yeah.”

“He wants a relationship that's deeper. One that has a strong foundation. The dirt is supposed to be the start of it.”

She sighs and clasps her hands together. “My parents have a relationship like that.”

“My grandma told me this morning that she believes fate brings people into your life but it's up to you to decide who stays.”

“I hope fate brings me a gorgeous, down-to-earth, soulful hottie.”

“So did you have a Thanksgiving break back-up plan? Like, for where you were going if I said no?”

“I had one. Aiden didn’t. Every time I brought it up, he told me no.”

He's good at that word, I think.

“He said he couldn't entertain the thought of you saying no. That he had to focus on the positive. He's been a wreck, Keatyn. I've never seen him like this. No one has.”

“It was a bad deal.”

“But he didn't really do anything wrong. I don't get why you’re still mad.”

“I’m not mad.”

“I know he's my brother and I'm biased, but he's a good guy. And I know that he’s dated a lot of girls and I can see why that would upset you, but—”

I hold my hand up. “We'll figure things out.”