Jillian Dodd: Adore Me

“Fine. I’ll let you two handle it. But I have some stuff that I need to say. Stuff I need to say out loud.”

“Uh, okay.”

“I’ve been living my life with a chip on my shoulder and using what happened to my mom as an excuse to justify my behavior.”

“Have you forgiven yourself?”

“I’m trying. That’s part of why I’m looking forward to this trip. It’s a new beginning for me. Of living with the conscience I was raised with. And of figuring out what I want from life.”

“Any ideas on that?”

“Well, I have enough credits to graduate in December. I'm thinking about doing it and taking some time off. It would mean missing soccer, but it's not like I want to play in college or anything, and I could care less about missing Prom.”

“So would you go home?”

“Maybe. Or get an apartment somewhere fun. New York or L.A. Maybe start my own business.”

“What kind of business?”

“Did you see the journal I gave Miss Tina?”

“With the cool cover? Yeah.”

“I made it. Well, I handmade the paper that I covered it with. I’d love to do something like that. Make really cool paper designs and use them for journals, stationary, wallpaper, lampshades. Do you think I could major in paper making?”

“I’m sure you could major in art. Do you think I could major in shoes?”

“Not acting?”

“Um, no.” Here come the lies again. This is why I can't go back. I'm sick of telling them. She's pouring her heart out to me, and I’m lying to her face.

Speaking of faces, Aiden's beautiful one has a little smirk on it, like he’s having a good dream.

And it makes me feel even more determined to fight Vincent and defeat him.

Maybe I’ll walk right into Vincent's office and say, You want me? Here I am. Let’s make your fucking movie.

Then I’ll see what he does. Maybe he's just a bully and the minute I stand up to him he’ll back down.

Or maybe it would force him to actually make it.

And maybe he could have a freak accident with a lighting boom. Or maybe we could have someone tamper with his brakes. I could send him a note telling him to meet me up the beach. Curvy road, some rain, skidding off a cliff, and good riddance, Vincent.

“Have you ever made a guy bucket list?” Peyton asks me.

“Like all the different types of guys you want to be with?”

She laughs. “No. Like the qualities you want your dream guy to have.”

“Um, not really. I mean, I’ve thought about it, but I’ve never written it down.” Unless you count a script.

“I’m going to make a new bucket list for my life on this trip, and I’m going to rework my Mr. Dreamy List.”

“Mr. Dreamy?”

“Yep. My list for the perfect man.”

“What’s on the list so far?”

“How we’ll meet. Of course, it will be love at first sight. An instant amazing connection.”

“What does he look like?”

“Kinda tall, in good shape, great arms, but not too bulky.”

“Kinda like your dad?”

She cocks her head. “I suppose so. Isn't that what every girl wants? To fall in love with someone like her daddy?”

I think about Tommy and sigh. “Yeah, kinda.”

She keeps going. “I want him to look good but not be all about appearance—like, I don’t want him to spend more time getting ready than I do.”

I laugh, remembering Sander. “I dated a guy like that. I was jealous because his hair always looked better than mine.”

“Exactly, and he needs to look good in the morning, like right when he wakes up. That’s one thing that Camden had. That sexy morning scruff. How he looked even hotter when his hair was messed up.”

“What else?”

“He’ll love to travel, but like being at home too. We’ve traveled a lot with our parents but my best memories are of all of us at home doing nothing but hanging out. That’s going on my new bucket list. I’m even giving it to my parents. They are amazing, but I think they’ve gone a little overboard on the whole experiences thing. They’re missing moments with us.” She looks down at Aiden. “You know, it's funny. He's my little brother, but he's the one who always takes care of me. He even had all those parties in his room to keep me out of trouble.”

“I know.”

“I’m glad he stopped. I need to keep myself out of trouble.”

“So, back to Mr. Dreamy.”

“I think abs are a given, right?”

“Definitely.”

“And I think he'd be darker-haired but not dark and hairy. Like, maybe a guy that was blonde growing up but then his hair got darker.”

“Cute,” I say. “What will he be like personality wise?”

“I'm a Virgo. So, I'm pretty organized and structured. My mom says I need someone who isn’t like that to balance me. Someone who’s creative and free spirited. I don’t really care, as long as he looks good in a suit. And maybe wants to get naughty on his desk,” she says with a grin.

I think about Aiden pushing me on his desk, kissing me with his tongue, and setting my panties aflame. “I like guys who look hot in a suit. Getting naughty on a desk sounds fun too.”

Aiden opens one eye. “Are you two talking about sex?”

Peyton giggles and covers her face with her hand.

“Speaking about talking, isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing? Cuz if you aren’t careful, you might just get voted off the island before we even get there.”

He gives me an adorable grin as he sits up and wraps his arms around me. “You better not be serious.”

“I think I’m just gonna go listen to some music,” Peyton says, quickly taking a seat on the other side of the aisle.

Aiden leans over and kisses my nose.

“Stop that. It won't work on me.”

He scrunches up his nose, then winces.

I touch it. “Did it hurt bad?”

He takes my hand and lays it over his heart. “Not as much as this did.”

Shit. What am I going to tell him on Sunday? I’ll have to come up with a good lie. One he can't counter.

“I never meant for you to get hurt, Aiden.”

“When you came to my room, I said everything wrong. I was hung over, my face hurt, and I was so fucking pissed. Pissed that Chelsea said those things to you. Pissed that you believed her. Pissed that Riley broke my nose. Pissed he almost got expelled. Logan told me you asked him about the trigger that led to Maggie cheating on him. I know I was the trigger. I shouldn’t have just said no. I should have talked to you about why I said no. It’s just that saying no was hard for me. That’s what I meant earlier when I said I give up. I’m not saying no anymore. But what I don’t understand is why you wouldn’t talk to me after. Why it felt like we were over. Why the chapel felt like goodbye.”

Because it was, I think, as I press my fingers into the corners of my eyes, trying to get rid of my tears, and sigh. “I think I may be leaving Eastbrooke soon,” I blubber. I can’t bring myself to tell him soon means in just four days.

“Why? I thought you liked it.”

“I love it.”

“So, why leave?”

“I miss my family, Aiden. Going home for the birthday party was hard.”

“Do you miss your family or miss your ex?”

“I miss everything.”

The captain comes over the speaker and tells us to get buckled up for our descent into St. Croix, effectively ending our conversation.

Make a wish.

5:30pm

We get picked up from the airport in the Moran's vintage Mercedes station wagon by a driver I have never met and who doesn't look like he belongs.

The driver opens the front passenger-side door and says in an authoritative tone, “Miss Monroe.”

While he and Aiden load up our luggage, and he herds Aiden and Peyton into the backseat, I text Garrett.