Jillian Dodd: Adore Me

“I was happy with him. Most of the time.”

“Tell me about him. About the two of you. When we fought that day, you defended him.”

I feel his pinky grab ahold of mine. It’s a simple gesture, but one that speaks volumes.

He’s not running away this time.

“Of course I defended him. You were way off base thinking our relationship was about sex. Do you really want to hear all of this?”

“Yeah, I do. From the beginning. From when you met.”

“My mom traveled for her job, so I was tutored. I never went to a real school.”

“But wait, I thought you met Damian at school.”

“Not a regular school. We shared the same tutor and depending on where his dad was and where my mom was, sometimes we ended up in class together. Anyway, I was around adults a lot. My mom always said that I was mature and worldly. But I was very naive about some things. Like relating to kids my age. I watched a lot of movies. Read a lot of books. And I had this fantasy school experience in my head.”

Aiden squeezes my pinky and laughs. “Let me guess, you planned it out down to the shoes.”

I smile at him. “Kinda. It was the summer I turned fifteen. My mom had been with my stepdad for a while, and we were living on the beach. It was the first time since before my dad died that we had a real home, and I knew this was my chance to go to a real high school. I'd seen the movie High School Musical and wanted that. That perfect high school experience. I wanted to be the most popular girl, date the most popular guy, and if the basketball team had broken out into song during practice, I would have joined in.”

Aiden touches my face. “You're so adorable.”

I get tears in my eyes again. Because how could he even say that after what just transpired? He should hate me. “Why do you think that?”

“I can see the sparkle in your eyes. How excited you were. It's like you believed your life could be a fairy tale.”

“Well, I used to.”

“We'll get to that later. Keep going with your story.”

“So, I got two things for my birthday. They told me I could go to a real high school and they got me a surfboard. My stepdad explained how to surf, then sent me out to do it. I spent hours in the water trying to get it right.” I pause, because I can still see it so clearly in my mind. “And then he walked down the beach and helped teach me. Shaggy blond hair and the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. And it was like bam —I was in love. Fast forward two years. He’d become one of my best friends, and I was living out what I thought was my perfect high school experience. I was dating the hottest guy at school. And I was popular.”

“That doesn't surprise me. You're in everything.”

“I wasn't there. My friends considered school activities uncool. I only played soccer. But we had partying down to an art form.”

“That surprises me. I just can’t picture you a drunken mess.”

“I wasn't. My perfect boyfriend was the mess.”

“He's the guy you dated for a year and a half but didn't sleep with?”

“Yeah.”

“So he was gay?”

I roll my eyes at him. “Yes, but I didn't know it at the time. So it’s prom night. I had a beautiful, sexy dress, great shoes, and knew it was the night I’d finally lose my virginity.”

Aiden tilts his head. “But he didn’t want to because he was gay?”

“I still didn’t know he was gay, but I guess. He dropped me off at my door after the party and barely kissed me.”

Aiden laughs. Really laughs. I’m afraid he’s losing it.

“Why are you laughing? It’s not really funny.”

“Because our proms were like horrible mirror opposites.”

“What do you mean?”

“You're going to laugh at my stupidity.”

I run my fingers across the top of his hand. “No, I won’t.”

“I did what you wanted. Got a nice hotel room. Even had chocolate covered strawberries and champagne.” He laughs again. “Honestly, I didn’t come up with that. Shark helped me plan it. Said that’s what girls want. What she’d want. I think he’d taken a poll or something.”

“Who was your date?”

He gulps and looks at me intently. “It was Chelsea.” He runs his hand through his hair again, like he’s struggling with telling me.

I want to scream and throw a fit. But after what he just heard and how he’s calmly talking to me about it, I can’t. I bite both my lip and my tongue as he continues.

“I thought . . .” He shakes his head at himself. “Remember you asked me about my most embarrassing moment?”

“Yeah.”

“We’d been hanging out since I asked her to prom a few weeks earlier. We’d done everything but sex, so this was supposed to be the big night. I was going to tell her I loved her, ask her to be my girlfriend, and then we’d do it.”

“Did you love her or did you just want sex?”

He shakes his head. “Honestly, probably a little of both. I liked her, but I wanted more. I should preface this by saying that I pretty much thought I was the shit. Up until that point, I had dated and slept with whoever I wanted. I wasn’t like Logan, who was totally in love with Maggie. But after seeing them together, I wanted that. That one person to love me, not just who wanted to hook up with me.”

“Okay.”

“So, we’re at the dance. It’s a slow song. The lights are dim. And even though I had planned it out differently, it just felt right. So, I told her I loved her, then and there, and asked her to be my girlfriend.”

“That’s sweet, Aiden.”

He rolls his eyes and sighs. “She was sort of drunk, and when I asked, she let out a scream and started laughing hysterically. Then she proceeded to grab two of her girlfriends and loudly tell them what just happened and how she couldn’t believe I didn’t know she was dating— and fucking— two other guys.”

“And everyone heard?”

“Yeah.”

I wrap my arms around Aiden in a hug. “That must’ve been awful. What'd you do then?”

“Well, it gets worse. Believe it or not, that wasn’t the embarrassing part.”

“What else happened?”

He looks at me tentatively. “I’m not sure if I should tell you this, but I need you to know. Especially after what happened with Chelsea. Because if you ever only heard just part of the story . . .”

I put both my hands on his face, forcing him to look at me. “It’s okay, Aiden. You just had to listen to my ex tell me that he loves me.”

“That was rough.”

“I know it was. I’m sorry. Please tell me.”

“So, Logan and Maggie—I swear, I totally ruined their night—anyway, they took me to an afterparty. We did some shots. Well, I did quite a few shots. And there were a couple of girls there who felt sorry for me.”

My mind is trying to figure out why he wouldn’t want to tell me this.

Wait. “A couple of girls?”

He hangs his head in embarrassment and nods. “Yes. Two. My life was out of control. Eastbrooke was a blur of drinking, girls, and sports. And although my friends were proud of me, I wasn't very proud of myself.” He pauses and looks at me. “You haven’t walked away yet.”

“I’ve done some stupid things too, Aiden. Things I’m not really proud of. So then you just decided to change?”

“Sort of. I went back to my hotel room. By then, I had sobered up and was feeling pretty bad about myself. So I sat out on the balcony, drank the champagne alone—straight out of the bottle—and, as the sun was almost ready to come up, I made a wish on the moon.”

“You what?!”

“Silly, right? You're supposed to wish on shooting stars. But I was tipsy, couldn’t find any, and the moon was just there.”

“What did you wish for?”