Megan Smith - Hard To Love You

She pulls my face closer to hers and rests her forehead against mine. “I love you too Hailey.”

“Mason, come on dude get up.”

I inch slowly closer to Hailey’s lips. I just need one kiss. I need to know this is real.

“Mason!”

“Kiss me Hailey.” I whisper against her lips.

Cold water splashes my face and I leap from the bed. “What the fuck?”

Cooper is standing next to the bed with a bottle in his hand. “I’ve been trying to wake you up for a half hour.”

I wipe my face with my hands. “So you throw water on me?”

Cooper starts to laugh, “Well yeah. It was that or listen to you tell Hailey that you loved her.”

I freeze. “What did you say?”

Cooper shakes his head like I’m crazy. “You heard me, asshole.” He huffs. “You said you loved her and asked for a kiss.”

I look around the room, trying to find a clock. I can’t find anything so I walk over to my phone. We’ve got forty-five minutes before we have to leave, “I need a shower.”

Cooper chuckles, “Hurry up.”

I don’t give a shit that I already showered last night, I need another. I need to sort out what was real and what wasn’t. “Can you go grab my bags?” I toss my room key to Cooper before he can even respond.

“Mason, can you keep the Brittany shit between us? I’ll handle it.” Cooper asks seriously.

I quip back, “I haven’t said anything yet, have I?”

“True, but I was serious about last night. I need my brother back, this version of you sucks.” Cooper turns on his heel and leaves me standing in the middle of the room.

One thing’s for sure, starting today I’m done sleeping around. It wasn’t helping anyway and girls are starting to get more abusive when I accidentally call them Hailey. I am, without a shadow of a doubt, done with putting anything before Hailey. Well, besides baseball, but she knows that. It may be a little too late but I know deep down that I have to try and get her back. Even if that means we can only be friends, I’ll take whatever I can get. And I’m doing something for me; I’m buying my house with the white picket fence. It may not be filled with the 2.4 kids and a dog, but this is what I want. If I have any chance at winning Hailey back, I need to prove to her that I’m serious about commitment.

I take a quick shower and set my plan in motion. The first call I need to make is to a realtor. The second and third phone calls are to MacKenzie and Jaylinn. I need to rally the girls on my side and pray they don’t hang up on me after calling me crazy.

The last few months feels like I’ve been living in someone else’s body. Who the hell have I become? God knows I’ve slept around more times then I care to think about but that’s not who I am. Not after I started dating Hailey. I never even gave a girl a second glance unless it was to get something I wanted and even that was wrong, but I never cheated on Hailey and I never would.

I’m bound and determined to set myself straight and kick my own ass if I have to. Screw everything and everyone who gets in my way.

I see something I want vividly now and I will stop at nothing to get it.

Stage six of my breakup: Rebuilding and Hope.

Life gets easier with every day that passes. I don’t cry nearly as much, only when I’m drinking, which I barely do nowadays because I don’t want to be sad anymore. I’m healing; I’m stronger and finally feel like I have my two legs back under me. I have Logan to thank for a lot of that. He tells me every day how beautiful I am, how strong I am, how much I’ve changed in these past few months. Logan’s been like my crutch, getting through this mess. I’m getting over this by myself but it’s nice to have him to help fill Mason’s void a little bit.

I walk out of the door from work and the sun immediately hits my face, it’s too beautiful outside to call for a lift so I decide to walk. My phone rings and I dig around my huge purse until I find it. “Hello?”

“BFF!” Jaylinn’s cheerful voice greets me.

“So …”

Oh boy.

“So …”

“Wearehavingapartyforthetwinsyouhavetocome.” Jaylinn spews out quickly.

I shake my head, what the hell did she say?

“Jay, I have no clue what the hell you just said.” I chuckle.

Jaylinn groans, “Can’t you just say that you’ll come?”

“Come where?”

“MacKenzie and I are having a party for the twins, nothing big, just the family.” Jaylinn rushes the last part out.

Their birthdays are next weekend. I’ve secretly been hoping that they would be on the road so that this wouldn’t come up.

“Hailey, please.” Jaylinn begs. “We miss you.”

My heart beats faster at the thought of seeing Mason.

“You’ve been telling Kenzie and me that you’re over it. Prove it Hailey. Come. Plus, Ryder misses you.” Jaylinn challenges.

Jaylinn: 1

Hailey: 0

“You fight dirty.”

“Yeah but it works so it’s worth it. Party is next Saturday at three at the Cahills’. Love you.” Jaylinn says happily and hangs up before I can tell her I love her too.

Shit! How the hell am I going to get up there? I can’t ask Logan to drive me; that would be too weird. Cole has already done so much for me. Bentley works on Saturdays as does Zeke.

My phone rings in my hands, startling me. “Yeah?”

“I forgot you don’t have a car. I’ll come down Friday night. Can I crash there and then we can head back up here Saturday morning?” Jaylinn asks.

I think for a minute. I’m afraid to sleep without Logan; he’s my rock at night. Would he be pissed that I was going home? Did it matter if he was? No, I pushed that thought away. Logan and I are friends, nothing more.

“Yeah sure that’s fine.”

“Love you, Hails.”

“Love you too.” I hang up this time before she can.

I get home and begin cooking baked ziti. I start a pot of water. Pull a bowl out from the cabinet to mix the sauce, ricotta and mozzarella cheeses.

Logan sneaks up behind me, trapping me between his back and the sink. “Hails.” Logan greets me.

I twist around so I’m facing his handsome face. “Hey Logan.” I place a kiss on his cheek.

Logan backs away and leans his back against the cabinet and crosses his ankles. His arms fold across his chest and they ripple. Playing football keeps Logan in great shape. Practice starts next week and Logan’s been hitting the gym in preparation. I get butterflies in my stomach from the heat in his eyes. Logan and I have only kissed a few times since that morning he made my coffee for me, but it made everything more intense.

“Smells good. What are you cooking?” Logan asks, still looking at me with sexual tension buzzing between us.

“Ziti. Can you make the salad up?” I need him to do something. I can’t have him watching me the way he is.

Logan doesn’t answer; he goes about getting the salad ready while I finish up cooking the pasta and mixing the sauce in. I pick up the dish and place it in oven. When I close the oven door and turn around I’m right against Logan’s hard chest. I look; he reaches down and picks me up like I weigh nothing. I wrap my legs around him.

Logan presses his forehead against mine, his breathing shallow. I bite my bottom lip, waiting, watching to see what his next move is. Logan normally doesn’t touch me unless we are in our rooms with the doors closed.

“I’m gonna kiss you.” Logan’s voice slithers around my butterfly filled stomach.

The front door slams open. My legs drop from around Logan’s waist. We quickly separate. I’m breathing heavy, Logan is too.