Megan Smith - Hard To Love You

MacKenzie wraps me in her arms, “Hailey, you’re like a sister to me and always will be. I need you to worry about you for a while, okay? Screw Mason and everything else that has happened. I want the girl that you use to be back. The crazy, sassy, not giving a shit about anyone or anything, Hailey. You lost her and I want her back.”

She’s right, I’m not the same. I’m sad and emotional. “I’ll work on it, for you and for me. Thank you for understanding and listening to Kenzie. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Two bottles of wine later, MacKenzie and I had passed out in my bed, cuddled up to each other. Hunter came to collect his wife but she looked too comfortable so he and Ryder left her there and went back to the hotel alone.

On Saturday, we took Ryder to the beach in the morning and then to Virginia Aquarium. Spending time with them made me ache for Mason and to feel like I still belonged in their family, but I felt a little off. Things feel a bit strained because, at the end of the day, MacKenzie is Mason’s little sister. Little things she does remind me of Mason and it stings. In a way, by spending this time with her I feel like I’m also saying a little goodbye to MacKenzie as well. I need the time to heal and make myself feel whole again. I love all the Cahills in their own way and would lay my life on the line for them if need be, but for right now I needed the distance. Saturday night I got a little bonding time with Ryder while MacKenzie and Hunter went to get new tattoos from Zeke. Bentley was stuck at work so that left Logan and I home alone with Ryder. Logan was great with him. He said he had become used to being around little kids since his sister had a baby, right around the same time MacKenzie did. MacKenzie called me later that night and said that they were going to be later than they expected. I told her I would keep Ryder with me overnight and give the two of them the night off. While MacKenzie was getting her tattoo, Logan met Hunter back at the hotel to get something for Ryder to sleep in. The end of the night wrapped up with Logan and I sleeping on the couch and Ryder in his pack-n-play.

Sunday morning came too fast and MacKenzie, Hunter and Ryder had to get on the road since Hunter had to work on Monday morning. I was really upset when they left and a few tears were shed. Logan swooped in and saved the day, though. He took me parasailing.

I couldn’t believe how well we were getting on, we chatted with ease on the way down to the marina, “I’ve always wanted to try parasailing but life always got in the way when I was down here the last time, you know.”

Logan turns his turn signal on when we come up to the traffic light. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Your freshman year wasn’t too much fun, huh? Seemed like there was drama following you and Kenzie everywhere.”

I laughed, “You can say that again.”

Logan looked over at me and frowned, “I’m sorry that I was part of that. I wish I would have tried harder to make you understand what happened in the library that day with Brittany.”

Later on, after we were on the boat, just off shore, I let all my worries go. Being above the water with only a parachute, the wind in my hair and the sun beating down, was kind of freeing. The view was beautiful; dolphins jumping and swimming underneath me, couples walking the beach, little kids building sandcastles and people playing and splashing in the ocean.

A few hours and lots of fun later, Logan asked, “You want to take a walk on the beach?”

I smiled over at him and agreed. “I’m not ready for this day to be over yet.”

Logan smirked, “Last one there is a rotten egg.” Then he took off like a bat out of hell.

I yelled after him, “No fair, your legs are too long.”

After Logan and I were done acting like little kids, playing around in the sand, writing our names in the sand and helping a little girl build a sandcastle, we went across the street to one of the best little places to eat, called The Raven. Logan and I sat in there eating and drinking for hours. I thought things would have been weird between us after I pretty much avoided him my whole freshman year, when I thought he was messing around with someone else on the side. I’m glad I cut ties with Logan back then; it just wasn’t in our cards to be together. Talking with Logan came easy, yeah the occasional fan came over and wanted to talk to Logan about the upcoming year and he nicely answered their questions and then dismissed them. If this was Mason he would have made them putty in his hands. Logan and Mason are so different and it’s kind of refreshing, but not, at the same time. Logan has the blonde hair that is all over the place but looked good, Mason’s hair is dark and he keeps a short. Logan is toned, but really skinny, with long legs, which works for him considering he’s a running back for ODU. Mason is toned but more filled out for his six foot frame. And the biggest opposite is the way they carry themselves. Logan is sweet, gentle, funny and caring. Mason is cocky, sarcastic, conceited, and temperamental on the outside, unless you know the real Mason; the one that is protective, caring, loving and affectionate.

After our second beer, Logan says hesitantly, “Bentley kind of filled me in on what happened with Mason.”

I set my beer down on the table, “Of course he did. Bentley’s like a girl when it comes to gossip.” I laughed.

Logan laughed right along with me and then his mood went somber, “I was surprised by all that. I thought that Mason and you would wind up getting married.”

My mood shifted again and the ache in my chest came back, but not for long. Logan started being really sweet, telling me all the things that I needed to hear. “There are more fish in the sea.”

I try to smile through the sadness, “I know but it doesn’t make it any easier.”

“True, but you’re too beautiful to be tied down by anyone just yet.”

And just like that my mood changed again. I smirk over at Logan this time, “Are you trying to get into my pants, Logan?”

He looks at me bashfully and then looks away at a couple walking in. “Things always have a way of working themselves out, you know.”

By the time we finish our beer I’m ready to go home and put this day behind me, and take another step forward.

Bentley got me a job answering phones, filing and performing general office duties at his aunt’s doctor’s office. The pay was good and it was close to the house so I could actually walk. Most of the time, one of the guys were around though, and they always offered to give me rides. I started pitching in for the bills and I felt more like I belonged now and not like a freeloader. Most of the nights I would cook dinner while the guys cleaned up afterwards. We all had a nice routine down.

Bentley is still throwing his crazy ass parties, which I only hang around at for a little bit. A few times I got pretty toasted and those were the nights that I missed Mason the most. Other times Logan and I would hang out, in either my room or his, watching movies.

The boys were pretty clean but I still refused to clean the bathrooms. It was bad enough I had to share a shower with them, I sure as shit wasn’t cleaning up after them. Bentley was still Bentley, playing his little pranks on me. I learned my lesson long ago to always check before you sit, you never know when he would put saran wrap on the toilet bowl. He even ruined Oreos for me. I had opened a packet and he got a hold of them one night when I went to bed and scrapped out the cream in the middle and replaced it with tooth paste. Most disgusting thing ever. He would often ask how I was doing and each time the answer was better. I wasn’t back to the old Hailey, and I don’t know if I ever would be. I felt like I grew up a little after all the Mason drama that went down.