E. Blair - Falling

I don’t want to fall asleep, but when my eyes grow too heavy for me to fight, I reluctantly slip myself out from underneath her, laying her head back down on the pillow, and find myself alone on the couch. I lie there, across the room, the only hint of light coming from the last sparks of fire in the fireplace. It’s enough of a glow that I can still watch her, so that’s what I do—I watch her as she sleeps until I finally drift off.

My eyes shoot open when I hear a hard gasp of air. Candace is panicked, trying to catch her breath as her body thrashes awake. I lurch off of the couch, and I’m by her side in an instant, pulling her into my arms.

“You okay?”

Her body is stiff with tension as she shakes under my hold.

“What happened, babe?”

“Bad dream,” she quietly whispers through her erratic breaths.

“Slow your breathing down, okay?” I tell her as I hold her against my chest. I’m slightly disoriented, still in a haze as my head catches up to my body’s sudden alertness. When she wraps her arms around my waist, I begin to rub her back, trying to soothe her from her nightmare. She scared the shit out of me, yanking me out of a deep sleep.

I can start to feel her breathing slow down, and when it does, I ask, “Wanna talk about it?” curious as to what she was dreaming about that caused her that much panic.

She shakes her head no against me, and I keep her folded in my arms as I lower us down and pull the blankets over us. Face to face, her eyes shift up to mine. I have her tucked tightly to me as she begins to get her breathing under control and relaxes. I don’t want to think about what’s in her head that’s clearly tormenting her because looking at her as she peers up at me with her hazel eyes is all I want to focus on. I can’t read her expression, but right now, I try not to decode her. I just take her in. I feel the build-up beating inside of me, and I can’t keep it in any longer.

I want her.

I run my hand over her forehead and down to her cheek where I keep it. I study every detail about her, and her breathing increases slightly along with mine. I know she feels it. Feels what I want. I don’t even need to say anything because the attraction is that palpable. Her brow twitches when she slides her small hand over my cheek and rests it there. Wrapped up in each other—close—I scan her face for a sign. Permission. For anything that tells me this is okay.

I can tell she’s scared. I can tell she doesn’t know if she wants this—wants me. God, I just want to kiss her. But more than that, I want her to kiss me. I want her to want it as badly as I do, and when my eyes find hers again, she gives me the slightest nod of her head, and I’ve never felt so relieved in my life.

She wants me.

Knowing that I’ll want more than she’ll give me, I move slow, needing this to last for as long as she’ll let it. Her eyes fall shut and she begins to tremble. I hate that she’s scared of this when it feels so right to me, but I’m determined to take her apprehension about this away as I softly press my lips to hers.

I’m gone. I knew I would be.

My heart thuds hard as I tighten my grip on her, needing her as close to me as I can get her. I kiss her slowly, and when she finally relaxes and begins to move her lips with mine, I take more. I can’t help myself. I drag my tongue across her lip, smooth, soft. She’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted. Threading my hand in her hair, pressing her body into mine, she wraps her hands up from underneath my arms and braces them tightly on my shoulders.

A soft whimper breaks from her, but she never takes her lips from mine. She has me, and I’m fuckin’ lost in her right now. I’ve never had the ties of emotion with a girl, so to say this one has me bound would be an understatement. What she gives me is something I never even knew I needed, so I never even looked for it.

Moving us off of our sides, I roll on top of her, and I feel her soften beneath me. She runs her hands down my shoulders and grips my forearms tightly as I gently nip her lip before she allows me to dip my tongue inside of her mouth. I linger, moving slowly, needing to feel as much of her as I can. She caresses my tongue with hers, and having her like this, giving this to me like she is, I know I have to make her mine because I’m never gonna want to let her go.

But when she pushes her hands against my arms, everything is questionable again as she pulls away from me.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, eyes still closed.

Tucking my arm underneath her, I speak quietly. “Look at me, Candace.” I brush the back of my fingers along the soft skin of her face. When she finally opens her eyes and looks up at me, I say, “I don’t want you to feel sorry for that.”

She lets out a small hum as she slowly nods her head, but it’s when she slides her arms around my back, holding on to me, that I begin to calm. I rest my forehead on hers and breathe her in, taking all I can. I feel her head shift as she tilts her chin up, and this time, I don’t have to take. She lifts up and melds her lips with mine, and I slowly fall into her touch as she holds my face in her warm hands, keeping me close to her.

When I finally drag my lips off of hers, she stays close, and I keep her that way until she falls asleep. I watch her; I can’t help myself. I have her arms around me and spend a lengthy amount of time stroking her back, touching the bare skin along her neck, her arms, her jaw, before falling asleep with her.

I’m awake. She’s doesn’t know it because I’m greedy and don’t want to move away from her. She woke up a few minutes ago, but I lie here with my eyes closed, arm around her, legs tangled with hers. It feels too good to disrupt, so I don’t.

I wonder how she’s feeling after last night. A thousand questions start to rack my brain, and now I fear that I’ll never get that again. So for now, I pretend to sleep.

“Night night over,” I hear Bailey’s voice declare, and I know the pretending is done.

“It’s not over, Bailey,” I mumble, just wanting a few more minutes with Candace. I feel her shift, but I keep my eyes shut, and I know I’m busted. I don’t care though.

“I eat bweakfast. Night night over.”

“Okay,” Candace whispers and begins to slip out from my hold, but I tighten my arm around her and pull her back to me.

“Where are you going?” I ask, finally opening my eyes.

“To go get her something to eat.”

She slides out of the blankets, and I can only hope that I’ll be able to get her in my sheets again. That I can continue to have her like I did last night.

I roll over and watch as she settles Bailey with a bowl of cereal. Getting up, I make my way into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee while Candace busies herself with Bailey, peeling a banana for her.

“Want some?” I ask as she walks back into the kitchen.

She keeps her eyes down and gives me a nod. Fuck. She doesn’t want to look at me. She’s embarrassed. Nervous. Not what I was wanting.

“Umm, I’m gonna sneak upstairs and get cleaned up,” she says as I rip open a packet of sugar for her coffee.

After I stir in the cream, I hand the mug to her, and she finally meets my eyes. Timid. She quietly thanks me and stands there for a moment, staring at the steam floating off of the coffee. I’m scared to know what she’s thinking so intently about, but I ask anyway.

“Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just want to get ready before everyone wakes up.”

“Okay.”

I know she just really needs to get space from me, and I have no choice but to accept it as I watch her head upstairs to my room.