E. Blair - Falling

“How so?”

“Just . . . different.” When I narrow my eyes at her, she grins and assures, “It’s a good thing, dear. Relax,” before patting my arm a couple of times and walking away.

“Where are you going?”

“Dining room to visit with the girls.”

I let her have her time with Candace, even though I feel like I want to go in there and check on her. But I don’t. Instead I busy myself with Connor, helping him out with a puzzle on the floor. When I look up, I see my mom and Candace passing through the kitchen. She catches my eye, and I give her a small half grin as they walk through, heading to the study. I like seeing her here, with my mom, in my familiar surroundings, mixed in with my family.

Candace is now in the kitchen, helping Mom cook while I drink a beer and hang out with the guys. I can’t keep my eyes off of her as I watch her laughing with my mom while they get everything ready for dinner, and I know instantly that I want to see this again. Have her here again.

She makes me nervous because she has this power about her that is dragging emotions out of me when no one in the past has been able to. She has no clue what she’s doing to me, and that’s a scary thing when I think about admitting how I’m feeling about her.

After a while, I unload the gifts and let the kids open everything. My mom was right—they’re much crazier than they were last year, but they’re another year older, and I’m sure next year will be even wilder. Candace sits on the couch with Tori while they laugh at me being overtaken by the little ones.

When dinner is done, Candace excuses herself to go upstairs to relieve Katie from mommy duties. Her daughter, Maddie, hasn’t been feeling well all day, and Candace told me that she needed some quiet time, so she’s up in my room with Maddie, and Katie is finally getting to eat dinner.

My aunts are cleaning up, Jenna and the guys are getting all the kids ready for bed, and Tori and I band off into the study to talk.

“I got a job,” she tells me as we sit down.

“What made you decide to go back to work?”

“After you and I talked this summer, I decided to just be honest with Trevor. Told him pretty much what I told you,” she says. “He suggested the same thing. Thought I should get out of the house, get back into a routine. So I called my old boss, and it was as easy as that.”

“When do you start?” I ask.

“Second week in January,” she says with a little uncertainty.

“You ready to leave Connor and Bailey?”

“Yes and no.” Tori is a great mom and is very attached to her kids, so it makes sense that this transition would be hard for her since she’s been a stay-at-home mom for the past four years.

“It’ll be fine,” I say. “So you and Trevor are on the same page?”

“He never got off track. It was me. I think I’ve been miserable because I’ve been lost. I wasn’t doing anything about it, and it made me start questioning everything. But he’s supportive. Always has been. He just had no clue how I was feeling. Once I was honest with him, things started to change. So yeah, we’re good.”

“Good.”

“What about you?” she questions.

“What do you mean?” I ask, not understanding what she’s asking.

“Being honest,” she starts, “Candace told me that she thinks you brought her here because you feel sorry for her.”

“She said that?” I feel horrible that she would even think that.

Tori nods her head and then questions, “How long do you plan on avoiding telling her how you feel?”

Letting out a deep breath, I tell her, “She makes me nervous.” When Tori smiles, I say, “I’m glad you’re enjoying my discomfort.”

“I’m just enjoying seeing a girl have this effect on you,” she admits before she stands up. “I’m heading to bed, but for what it’s worth, I really like her.”

I follow her out, and the house is quiet. I see my mom in the kitchen, turning everything off.

“You going to bed?” I ask her.

“Yes. It’s getting late. Is Candace still upstairs?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna go up there and get her. I think we’ll just crash down here and let Maddie take my bed.”

“Well, tell her that I’ll see her in the morning, will you?”

“Okay, Mom.”

We say good night, and I go to the hall closet to pull out some blankets and pillows. I toss everything on the floor, making a makeshift bed for me to sleep on and lay out a blanket and pillow on the couch for Candace. We had planned on her taking my room, but since Maddie is sick, I figure this is a fair alternative.

I pick up Candace’s bag and head upstairs to my room. Quietly, I open the door to see Maddie passed out, lying on top of Candace. When she rolls her head to the side and looks at me, I walk in and laugh. “Are you stuck under Maddie?”

“I didn’t want to move and wake her up. What time is it?” she asks.

“Past eleven. Everyone has gone to bed. I told Katie that I would check on you and Maddie.”

“I wanted to thank your mother before she went to bed.”

“Don’t worry about it. Here’s your bag,” I tell her as I set it next to the bed. “I made a big pallet of blankets and pillows downstairs in the living room. Since Maddie is in my room, we’re just going to sleep down there. We can watch a movie or something if you want.”

“Oh . . . umm . . .” she stutters, and I know she’s uncomfortable with the change in plans.

“Don’t worry. I’ll take the floor, and you can have the couch.” I walk over to my dresser to pull out a pair of pajama pants for myself and let her know, “I’ll be downstairs. You can use my bathroom to change,” before walking out and heading back down.

It doesn’t take too long before Candace is walking down in a black sleeveless top and a pair of pajama pants. She has no clue how sexy she looks right now, and I have to look away. I open the fridge to grab a bottle of water.

“You mind if I take the floor?” she asks.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. It looks more comfortable anyway.”

“Okay.”

She sits down and slides herself under the pile of blankets as I walk over and sit next to her. The thought of sleeping, even in the same room as her, has me on edge. It’s like dangling a piece of meat in front of a starved animal. It’s life’s sick revenge for taking things way too easily and now making me restrain myself in the worst way possible because I’ve never wanted anything more.

“TCM?” I ask as I flick on the TV.

“It’s all we ever watch,” she teases, and I like it. “Why switch now?”

“I think you’re starting to like my movies.”

“Maybe.”

We sit back and start watching a movie before I ask her, “Were you okay today?”

“I was. You’re really lucky; you have a great family.”

“Well, everyone really likes you, especially my mom.”

“She’s really nice. We had some time to visit earlier.”

She starts to grow tired as she inches herself under the covers and lays her head on the pillow by my side. When I look down at her, she has her eyes closed. Knowing she’s still awake, I don’t let that stop me from running my fingers through her hair.

I continue to do this as I zone out on the TV. My mind can’t even focus, and when I hear her breathing steady, I slip my hand under her head and gently move her to my lap. When I do this, she unconsciously wraps her one arm around my waist, and with greed, I savor the contact.

She seemed to enjoy herself today, and I’m grateful that I was able to give this to her since yesterday went horribly wrong, having to walk away from the only blood family she knows. The reactions she sparks in me are intense, and I know I need to heed Tori’s advice and be honest with her—soon. But I take this moment and just relish her being so close to me.