E. Blair - Falling

After a while, her body begins to shiver with chills as she starts to quiet down. She keeps her head tucked against me, and I feel her fingertips pressed into my back. Her breathing is staggered, and when she pulls back, she keeps her head down, not looking at me—embarrassed. I lean down and kiss the top of her head before helping her up into the car.

The drive back is somber. I look over to her as she stares out the window. She’s sad, and my need to comfort her is overwhelming. She must sense me watching her when she turns her head to me. Her chin quivers, and she shrugs her shoulders, defeated, as fresh tears fall down her cheeks. I reach over and take her hand, pulling it onto my lap. I keep it there all the way back to her house.

Once we’re inside, I go to the kitchen to get her a glass of wine, figuring she could use one. As I walk into the living room, she’s curled on the couch with her heels kicked off on the floor. I hand her the glass and she swallows it fast before handing it back to me. Setting it on the end table, I sit down, leaning into the corner of the couch and pull her between my legs and on top of me. She lies there and doesn’t move as I thread my fingers through her soft, thick hair.

“You okay?” I ask.

She doesn’t answer, she just shakes her head and after a second begins crying again, wetting my shirt as she nuzzles into my chest. I strengthen my arms around her and let her cry without saying anything.

The hurt coming out of her is hard to listen to, but I do, and it breaks me. Breaks me in a way that even though I hate it, I find myself savoring it. The connection. Her need for me right now and the contentment I find in being the one to give it to her.

Time passes and she’s fallen asleep on me. I can feel her steady breaths against me, and I’d hold on to her all night, just like this, if I knew she’d be okay with it. I want to be selfish and take it, but I know she wouldn’t be comfortable with it. So as much as I don’t want to feel her move off of me, I comb her hair with my fingers, and whisper, “Candace.”

“Hmm,” she softly hums as she stirs awake.

“It’s getting late. You should go sleep in your bed.”

Placing her hands on my chest, she pushes herself up, and I notice her bloodshot eyes.

“Are you gonna be okay if I leave?” I ask, hoping she’ll want me to stay, but knowing that it’s just a hope.

She nods her head and sits up. I move to stand and turn to take her hand, pulling her off of the couch and into a hug. She bands her arms around me, and I tell her, “We can stay here tomorrow. We don’t have to go to my mom’s.”

Leaning her head back to look up at me, she says, “It’s okay.”

“Candace . . .”

“I could use the distraction. I’ll be okay,” she tries assuring me.

“Call me when you wake up. You might feel differently in the morning.”

She walks me to the door and before I leave, she stops me, saying, “Ryan . . .” I look back at her, and she takes a pause before continuing, “I’m sorry . . . tonight just . . .”

“Don’t worry about it. Honestly.”

“Thanks,” she says softly before I walk out.

Candace called me when she woke up this morning, assuring me that she still wanted to go to Oregon. I offered to stay here with her, but she told me that she really did want the distraction, so I didn’t question her any more about it.

I finish packing my bag, and I think about how things with the two of us have shifted in the past couple of weeks. I’m falling for this girl hard, and I know I’m not gonna be able to keep this from her for very much longer, but I’m nervous that I might ruin what we have. Honestly, even though it isn’t enough for me, I’ll take it if this is all she wants to give.

I carry my bag downstairs, and decide to call Jase. I don’t know if Candace has spoken with him this morning, but I call him anyway to let him know what happened last night.

“Hey, Ryan.”

“Jase, hey. You have a minute?” I ask as I start making myself a coffee for the road.

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“Have you talked to Candace this morning?”

“No, why? Did something happen with her parents?” he asks, sounding worried.

“It wasn’t good, man.”

“Tell me.”

“Her parents are a piece of work. Pretentious dicks. I don’t know the whole argument ‘cause I was in the other room, but there was a lot of yelling, and when I went in there to get her, her parents threatened to cut her off. Told her they were done with her—threw her out.”

“Shit,” he sighs out. “How is she?”

“She didn’t talk, but I didn’t ask either. She was just really upset. I stayed with her for a while last night, but I wasn’t sure if she had called you, so I wanted to let you know,” I tell him as I screw the lid on to my travel mug and walk over to sit down on the couch.

“Thanks. I’ll try giving her a call. I hate that she’s stuck there.”

“She’s not. I’m about to go pick her up.”

“Where are you guys going?” he asks, and I’m surprised that he doesn’t already know.

“Has she not told you?”

“Told me what?” he questions.

“She’s coming home with me to my mom’s for a few days.”

“What?” Yeah, he had no clue by the shock in his tone. “I can’t believe she didn’t say anything to me.”

“Sorry. I figured you knew.”

“No.”

All of a sudden, I feel the need to talk to him about Candace. Knowing that the two of them are like family and that he’s really protective of her, I need to know if I should be pursuing her. As awkward as this is, I go ahead and lay it out there.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Yeah . . .?” he responds.

“Look, I know the two of you are really close, so I feel like I should let you know that . . .” I pause briefly before admitting, “I really like her.”

“I figured as much,” he lets out with a chuckle under his breath. “Have you told her?”

I’m relieved that he’s being so relaxed about what I just said.

“No. I don’t know where her head is at. I’m not sure if she’d even be interested in anything.”

“I think she is,” he says, giving me hope, and then adds, “Look, I get that she’s closed off, but she wouldn’t be hanging out with you like she has been if she didn’t trust you.”

“She’s the hardest person I’ve ever had to read,” I admit with a laugh.

“I probably shouldn’t say this, but you need to know that she’s been going through a lot this year. It’s been rough, and I’m just gonna leave it at that. So if you’re anything less than serious about her, then don’t go there.”

He tells me this, and I try not to wonder too much about what’s going on with her, though I’m beginning to think that there could be a lot more to her parents than what I’ve seen.

“I hear you,” I tell him.

“I’m serious. She isn’t like most girls. She’s really innocent, so don’t push her,” he warns.

“It’s not like that with her.”

“I don’t mean to sound like an ass or anything.”

“Jase, man. It’s fine. I get it,” I tell him, and a part of me is glad that he’s being this way about her, that she has someone like him there for her.

“Mark and I are hanging out with his family, so I’ve gotta run. I’ll try giving her a call though.”

“Okay. Thanks, man. I’ll talk to you later.”

Hearing him assure me that I’m not wasting my time soothes some of the anxiety I’ve been having about Candace. This girl has woven herself into my life, and for a change, I want to keep her there.

Candace was a little antsy when I picked her up this morning. We’re running later than what I told my mom because I didn’t want to rush her. She didn’t get much sleep last night, so she just wasn’t herself, worrying about how she looked and wondering if my family would think she was rude since she tends to be quiet. I’ve never seen her so uptight, so I let her move at her own pace.