Susane Colasanti - Now and Forever

The formula is obvious. Looks + talent + kindness = massive appeal.

The reporter rode with us on the tour bus from Philly to New York this morning. He’ll be at Ethan’s Madison Square Garden show tomorrow night. But tonight it’s just me and Ethan. Tonight is all ours.

Ethan presses me back against the tinted window. One entire wall of his hotel room is a floor-to-ceiling window with privacy tinting. You can see out, but no one can see in. His room is the penthouse of a boutique hotel. We’re on the eleventh floor. High enough for privacy. Low enough to hear the screaming fans outside.

“We love you, Ethan!”

“Come to the window!”

“ Ethaaaan! ”

Ethan slides his fingers through my hair. He kisses my collarbone. My neck. My cheek.

I try to block out the screaming.

“Marry me, Ethan!”

“Come to the window!”

“If they only knew what we were doing,” Ethan says.

He kisses me hard. The screaming fans are momentarily drowned out by a police siren.

“Are you sure they can’t see in?” I ask.

“Positive. That’s the beauty of the blackout feature. Famous people stay in this room all the time and no one ever knows.”

Usually no one knows which hotel Ethan is staying at. Zeke always makes reservations under random names. Someone obviously leaked the info this time, though. The hotel warned Zeke that a crowd of fans had already formed earlier this afternoon. People were posting about it online. Zeke offered to put Ethan in a different hotel, but he wanted to stay here.

Now I know why. Ethan thinks this is hot.

He presses up against me. He puts his hands around my waist and pulls me tight against him. He kisses me even harder than before.

This is how Ethan is when he wants me. On fire. The same way he is with everything else he wants.

Of course I want him, too. I want to be more into this. It just doesn’t feel like we’re alone. It’s like all those fans are here in the room with us. And Ethan’s two bodyguards are right outside in the hall.

I glance at the door.

“Relax,” Ethan says. “No one’s coming in.” His hands go under my shirt. His kisses get more urgent.

“I love you,” he whispers in my ear.

“I love you,” I whisper back.

“I LOVE YOU, ETHAN!!!” a fan screams.

“This is too weird,” I say. I pull my shirt back down.

“Don’t focus on them,” Ethan says. “Focus on me.”

But I can’t. All I can hear is the screaming. Reminding me that I can’t even be alone with Ethan when we’re alone.

[16,932,250 FOLLOWERS]

It’s amazing how, if you’re a fan of routine, you can slip so easily into a new routine no matter where you go. I’ve only been to a few of Ethan’s shows and tour life already feels familiar. Staying at insane hotels. All Access passes around my neck. The rush of watching Ethan perform for thousands of fiercely loyal fans. I’m only going to one more show after this. But of course there will be other tours. Lots of other tours.

Tonight is the big Madison Square Garden show. Ethan is surrounded by a million people backstage. His crew is asking him questions and Aixa is holding jackets up for him to choose and everyone is shoving paraphernalia in front of him to sign.

“Ethan!” a gorgeous blonde girl shouts. She has an entourage of three girls with her. The other girls are pretty, but this gorgeous girl blows them away.

“Hey, Marion.” Ethan hugs her. Then I make the connection. She’s Marion Cross, Ethan’s cousin. He told me she’d be getting backstage passes tonight. Ethan waves me over to meet Marion.

“I’ve heard so much about you,” Marion tells me. She’s even more gorgeous up close.

“Good to meet you,” I say. “You live here, right?”

“Yeah, in the West Village. Do you know that area?”

“Ethan had a show there a while ago. But I want to go back. It’s such a beautiful neighborhood.”

“It really is.” Marion looks around. “Is Damien here?” she asks.

My heart sinks. “You know Damien?”

“Zeke said I could ask for him to show us around. Since this one’s too busy for me.” Marion indicates Ethan by circling her finger in the air with attitude.

“Sorry that some of us have a show to do,” Ethan teases back.

“That’s okay. We came to see some hotshot rock star anyway. See you at Christmas, loser.” We watch Marion teetering off on her outrageously high platform heels in search of Damien, her entourage trailing behind.

“So that was Marion,” Ethan sums up.

“I noticed.”

Every guy Marion passes practically breaks his neck to keep watching her for as long as possible. Two stagehands are falling all over themselves to help her with whatever she’s asking them.

Normal rules don’t apply when you’re that gorgeous.

The reporter from The New York Times Magazine is lingering at the edge of our thank-you circle to observe. All the key players who work so hard putting Ethan’s shows together hold hands in a circle right before every show starts. Ethan says a few motivational words to everyone. They all get psyched for the show. I’m included in the circle, standing next to Ethan.

“This is the Garden,” Ethan says to everyone in the circle. “Welcome to the big time. Ladies and gentlemen, we have arrived.”

Whoops from the circle.

“I can’t thank you enough for everything you guys have been doing to make this tour a success. Liz, you rule for busting my ass every day. You are relentless and magnificent. Zeke, thanks for always having my back, man. Aixa, not only do you make it possible for me to look like a real rock star, wardrobe malfunctions are no match for you. Thanks for your grace and insight. Drew, Stefan, and Gage . . . you’re the best band mates I could ever hope for. Thanks for tearing it up like a beast every single time.”

Drew and Stefan look excited for the show. But Gage doesn’t. The glare of resentment in his eyes is hard to miss. Right before Marion arrived, Ethan and Gage had a huge throwdown in Ethan’s dressing room. I was there. I saw the whole thing.

When Gage busted in, I was sitting on the couch trying to resist eating the entire box of Jacques Torres chocolates Ethan’s mom had sent.

“Can I talk to you?” Gage asked Ethan.

I got up to go.

“No, stay,” Ethan told me. “Whatever Gage has to say, he can say it in front of you.”

“Fine,” Gage said. “I want to play a bigger role in the band.”

“How?”

“You know how. I want some of my songs added to the set list. Maybe just ‘Aluminum Rain’ to start. Being your backdrop is getting old. I want more cred as a musician.”

“And if we don’t play your songs?”

“Then I’m out.”

I couldn’t believe Gage was threatening to leave the band. He plays keys for Ethan Cross. Did he know how many people would kill for that opportunity? The same opportunity he was totally taking for granted?

“Are you really going to let your jealousy spiral out of control so much it kills your career?” Ethan asked.

“My career isn’t over. Not by a long shot. I’m just getting started.”

“Not if you walk out on us. How do you think a rep as a quitter will benefit your career?”

“People will support me for standing up for what I believe in. I want more for my life than to be a backup nobody. I should be in the spotlight, same as you.”

“You could get there if you had a more positive attitude like Drew and Stefan. They’ll be successful for years to come. They’re loving the attention. You know how many girls want to hook up with them. And you. Why are you acting like no one knows who you are?”