Susane Colasanti - Now and Forever

Now I feel horrible for not listening to Damien when he tried to explain all this before. He really was trying to protect me. Like when I didn’t tell Ethan about the conversation I overheard where Gage was bitching about him. Sometimes we omit information that could potentially hurt a person we care about. Maybe that kind of omission isn’t a betrayal. “I’m sorry. I should have—”

“I’m not done.”

“You’re not? Because of course I forgive you. I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance to explain before.”

“Good. But there’s more.”

“Go for it.”

Damien takes a deep breath. “You know I’m a free spirit,” he says. “I like doing my own thing. I like not having to be in any one place for too long. Except things are different now. Now that you’re in my life.”

My pulse races.

“My whole thing was not worrying about tomorrow. But you make me want to see you tomorrow. And all the days after. You make me want to plan a better life. The better life I’ve been searching for.” Damien takes my hands in his. “You’re who I’ve been searching for.”

I open my mouth to speak. Nothing comes out. He’s literally shocked the words right out of me.

Then I find them. “I’m leaving for college next week.”

“I know. The good thing about being a free spirit is having the freedom to go wherever I want. I can move close to you, find a job there. I mean, if you want me to. Burlington has a few decent venues. A friend of mine works at one of them. He said he could hook me up.”

“Wow. You’ve put a lot of thought into this.”

“Does that freak you out?”

“No. I guess it should. But it really doesn’t.”

“You sort of have a preoccupation with ‘should.’ This life thing isn’t about what you should do or how you should feel. It’s about living for today. Being happy in the Now and trusting that the future will unfold to bring more happiness. It’s about following your heart.”

That makes me smile. I promised Gram I would always follow my heart. There’s no going back now. Moving toward the life I want to be living is the only way to go. A new way of being. With lots of new adventures.

Damien’s eyes search mine. “So . . . what do you say?”

“I say . . . I think I need to be alone for a while.”

The sparkle goes out of Damien’s eyes. I hate that this might hurt him. But I think it’s important for me to be on my own so I can define my own life. I know it is.

“Not because I don’t want to be with you,” I explain. “I just need to get to a place where I feel happy and confident with myself. I need to fall in love with my own life before I can fall in love with someone else. When I’m happy with myself, I can make you happy.”

“You already make me happy.”

“I’m not rejecting you. This is the opposite of rejection. I’m doing what I need to do on my own to build a foundation for a more solid future with you.”

Damien nods. He closes the distance between us and presses his forehead against mine. “I hear you. Jumping straight into another relationship probably isn’t the best idea.”

“Exactly. I don’t want you to be my rebound. You mean more to me than that. We have the chemistry and connection. When the timing is right, we’ll be together.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” I have no problem promising Damien that we’ll be together when I’m ready. I know it’s a promise I will definitely keep.

Could I even imagine that this is where I’d be a year ago? No way. Still, I know this is right where I belong. Sometimes the life you were meant to live doesn’t look the way you thought it would. But it’s just what you were looking for.

“So . . . can I see you at all?” Damien asks.

“Absolutely. I’m just not ready for a boyfriend right now. Don’t wait for me. Do your thing. We’ll both just keep that door open for the possibility of us.”

“My door will be wide open for you. Always.”

Damien leans down to kiss me. When our lips touch, I know this next chapter of my shiny new life has already been written. Without any typos.

I turn the page.

Eternal thanks to Kendra Levin, Regina Hayes, Ken Wright, and all the other friendly neighbors at Penguin Young Readers Group. I am extremely appreciative of your insight, determination, creativity, and wisdom over the past eight years. It has been an honor working with you.

Special thanks to my magnificent agent, Emily van Beek. Your talent, compassion, generosity, and grace are an inspiration to us all. Thank you for dreaming big and believing that we can turn those dreams into reality. You are my angel.

Many thanks to the teachers, librarians, and booksellers who have been such wonderful supporters over the years. You rule for spreading the love.

Glittery thanks to my readers. You are why I write. Thank you so much for making this life possible.

Ultimate thanks to the love of my life, Matt Huntington. After writing eight books about the kind of love I kept hoping to find, I’m so happy you’re finally here. I love you. Now and forever.