Tara Sivec: Shame on Him

A few hours later, I’m lying in Dallas’s bed on my stomach with my arms tucked under my head after another round of amazing sex. I feel his fingers lightly tracing the words of the tattoo on the side of my ribs.

“I take it back. You saying ‘fuck’ is pretty hot, but seeing this ink on your skin is hotter. What made you get this saying?”

I turn my head on the pillow to face him. “You’ve met my parents. I think it’s pretty obvious why I got it.”

He nods and reads the words out loud. “I will never give up. I will never look back. I will live my life.”

Just hearing those words puts a smile on my face. Contrary to what I told my parents, I never told Steve Burdick to shove the partnership up his ass. I did, however, tell him I was taking a leave of absence. He wasn’t happy at all, but I couldn’t let that bother me. I wanted to be able to put my full efforts into this investigation and I couldn’t do that with my caseload.

“I heard a song on the radio and I liked the words,” I explain to him.

He leans down and places a kiss against my tattoo. “They’re good words. They fit you.”

My cell phone rings on the bedside table and I lean over to grab it. Seeing that it’s Doug, I give Dallas a sheepish look and quickly answer.

“Hey, what’s up? Aren’t you supposed to be on your honeymoon?”

“We’re on our way to the airport right now, but I had to call you,” Doug answers. “Remember when I told you I’d ask around about Miles and whether or not he is a friend of Dorothy’s?”

I laugh and shake my head. “Sure. But you know this could have waited until next week, right?”

“Oh please! Gossip this juicy needs to be shared!” Doug tells me. “It seems our fellow alum was caught with a fellow. One of Gary’s friends from the restaurant was working a fund-raiser last year. He walked into the bathroom and found Miles on his knees with one of the other waitstaff.”

To say I’m shocked is an understatement. Miles really is gay.

I thank Doug and wish him well on his honeymoon before hanging up. Getting out of Dallas’s bed, I pull on my dress and explain to him about the phone call and about what Doug told me the night before about Richard.

“We need to go back and talk to Stephanie again. Ask her if she knew anything about her husband being gay. That would definitely push any woman over the edge,” Dallas says with a laugh.

I pause in putting on my shoes to stare at him angrily.

“Did you really just say that?”

He stops laughing and looks at me in confusion for a few seconds before the smile is wiped from his face. “Oh, fuck. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that the way it came out. Of course you wouldn’t do something like that. But she might.”

His backpedaling does nothing to soothe my irritation.

He quickly gets out of bed and reaches for his jeans, sliding them up his legs. “I want to see Stephanie again and gauge her reaction to the news.”

And now I’m jealous. I hate this feeling! This is why I didn’t want to get involved with anyone ever again.

“Of course, you want to see Stephanie again. Would you like me to leave you alone so you can take her out for another round of drinks?” I ask sarcastically.

He finishes buttoning his pants and walks around the bed to me. “I didn’t sleep with Stephanie.”

“I didn’t say you did,” I huff as I zip up my dress.

He reaches out and helps me with the zipper. “You didn’t have to. I can see it all over your face.”

“It’s none of my business if you did,” I tell him with a roll of my eyes.

He puts his hands on my cheeks and turns my face to him. “What just happened here makes it your business.”

His words make me want to melt. And take my dress back off, get into bed with him, and forget the outside world. But I can’t do that. I need to be strong and not get pulled under by a man like Dallas. He has the power to break me. I already trust him with my life; I’m not ready to trust him with my heart.

“I need to go home and feed my cat. We can talk about this later,” I tell him, pulling away from his hands.

“When did you get a cat?” he asks as he follows me to the door.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you that right now. I may or may not have done something illegal to get her,” I admit.

He laughs and holds the door open for me. “We’re okay here, right?”

I stare up at him and put on a smile. “Yep, we’re fine. I’ll call you later and we can go talk to Stephanie.”

Dallas kisses me one last time before I go. As I walk to the cab waiting in the driveway, I wonder if I made a mistake by forcing Dallas to work with me. I should have stuck to my guns and done it on my own. I like my independence. I like being able to come and go as I please. I finally get out from under my parents’ thumb and then I go right under the watchful eye of someone else.

But Dallas is nothing like my parents; I know that now. He’s much worse. If whatever this is between us doesn’t work out, I’ll never survive telling him off and walking away. Maybe some distance to clear my head right now will do me some good. All of this is just moving too fast. A few weeks ago I couldn’t stand him. Now I’m getting jealous and hating the idea of being away from him. And how do I really know that he isn’t just doing all of this as a way to keep an eye on his investigation?

After a quick change of clothes at my place, I go up to the office to start making calls. First, I call a few colleagues from my law firm who know Miles. I ask them if they have heard anything about his being gay. Most of them are shocked by my question and adamantly deny ever hearing any such rumor. However, a few of them say it was a definite possibility. My next few calls are to some acquaintances of Stephanie’s. I didn’t want to call any of her close friends for fear that it would get back to her. I call people who worked with her on charity events and a few random people whose names were given to me when I talked to the individuals who worked with her, like the woman who used to do her hair and the cleaning service she uses for her home. None of them have ever heard Stephanie say anything about Richard being gay. They do, however, tell me in great detail about the porn addiction Stephanie claimed he had.

It’s dark out by the time I finish with all of my calls and type up my notes. I check my phone and see that I’ve missed five calls from Dallas. With a sigh, I slide my phone into my purse without calling him back.

On the drive to my house, I call my mother to check on her. Since Doug’s wedding the other night, she’s called me no less than ten times to give me updates on her “new” life.

“I’m wearing jeans and a T-shirt, Lorelei. Isn’t that exciting?” she asks as I pull off of the exit on the highway.

I laugh and shake my head. “That’s amazing. How’s Dad?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care. He tried apologizing, and when I asked him what he was apologizing for, he had no idea. So I slammed the door in his face. I think I’m going to take a lover. Do people still call it that nowadays?” she asks.

Am I really having this conversation with my mother right now?

“Mom, I think you and Dad need to talk before you do anything too rash.”

She ignores me. “How is Dallas? Did you tell him I was sorry for being so rude at dinner?”

The last time she called me I was naked in bed with him. My thoughts cloud with the memory of his lips on my neck and his hands on my hips.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts. “Yes, I told him. It’s fine.”

“He’s a nice young man. And he’s very good-looking. You should sleep with him.”