Kelly Jamieson - Breakaway

“You did?”

“Mmm.” He let out a long sigh. “I couldn’t go back to her. I just couldn’t. I knew how miserable we both would be. That wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“I know! That’s just what I was thinking too!” She palmed his beard-roughened cheek. “That’s what I came to tell you!”

“You came to save me from that?” His eyes twinkled.

“Yes.”

“Oh, Remi. I love you so much.”

She looked down at her hands, then up. “I love you too, Jase.”

“I don’t want to lose you, Remi,” he said quietly. “I told you we couldn’t be together because I hadn’t figured things out, but now I have, I…I want to be with you. But my life is so screwed up. It’s a lot to ask, but d’you think you could still be with me?”

She nodded, lips quivering, almost afraid to believe what she was hearing. “Oh god yes! I love you, Jase! I know this won’t to be easy. Not for any of us. I hate it—I fucking hate it—that she’s having your baby. It makes me feel sick when I think about it. I’m not going to deny that.”

He nodded somberly. “I hate it too,” he said. “Because I wish it was you who was pregnant.”

“Oh.” Her heart missed a beat, then accelerated unevenly. Oh god, she wished that too. But she’d come to some other realizations lately too. “Oh Jase.”

Their eyes met and held and then he hauled her onto his lap and she melted against him as he kissed her, tipping her chin up and slanting his mouth across hers. She pressed into him, held on tight to him, kissed him back hungrily, desperately, deeply.

When they drew apart, breathing heavily, he rested his forehead against hers.

“You said this was the worst thing that could happen,” she said. “But it’s not. I know that now. It’s really not.”

“Yeah. I know.” He cupped the back of her head and she felt his hand trembling. “But it’s going to be hard,” he said roughly. “I’m going to want to share custody of the baby. I’m going to want to spend time with him or her. I have a weird job and I travel a lot and I’m not sure what that’s going to look like. I’ll help Brianne financially of course, not that she needs it, but I will.”

“Of course.”

“That’s not an issue, but…being a father…I don’t know how the hell to do that.”

“I don’t think anyone does,” she whispered, stroking her fingers through his hair. “Until they’re doing it. You just do it. And do the best you can.”

“I can do it if you’re with me,” he said. “If you’re sure. Like I said, it’s a lot to ask of you.” He drew back to look at her and uncertainty darkened his eyes. “I’ve already asked so much of you. Putting up with puck bunnies and paparazzi and injuries.”

“I’m sure.”

He hugged her tightly again. “Thank Christ. I can’t wait until we have babies of our own.”

Her heart stuttered. “Well, I hope you’re not in a hurry for that.” She smiled and met his eyes. “The funny thing is, all I’ve ever wanted is to be a mother. I love kids. I love babies. I love looking after people. As you know.” She gave him a roll of the eyes and he smiled back at her. “But…you made me see it, Jase. I…” Her throat tightened. “I’ve been holding on to Jasmine and Kyle, protecting them too much, doing too much for them…because you were right.” It was hard to say the words out loud never mind admit them in her own head, but she did it. “I liked being needed. When they both moved out, it was devastating for me, because my whole life was wrapped up in them, looking after them. That’s who I was. But I’ve decided I need to find out who I am before I become a mother.”

“Oh.” His eyes filled with understanding. “Oh, Remi. You’re an amazing person. You have so much love inside you, so much caring. I told you before, you’ll be an awesome mom.”

“I will.” They both laughed. “But first I want to do things for me. I want to have fun. I want to have love. With you.” She kissed him. “I want to ride Ferris wheels and build teddy bears. I want to travel. Will you take me places, Jase?”

“I’ll take you anywhere you want.”

They kissed again, long and sweet and clinging. Remi shook and burned inside for him, a huge swelling of relief and love and longing for him inside her.

“I’ve been acting like such an idiot,” Jason murmured against her hair long moments later. “So unprofessional—letting my personal life interfere with my professional life. Dan had to ream my ass the other day to make me see straight. I was letting everybody down.”

“Yeah, you were kind of acting stupid.”

“I hope I haven’t messed up my Stars for Reading for next year. I love doing that. Helping those kids.”

“People will have forgotten by then. Or you can help kids some other way.”

He grimaced. “And I almost lost you.”

“Almost.” She smiled, trailing her fingers down the side of his neck and under the collar of his shirt. “I’m sorry I wouldn’t talk about it. I had to think things through. I was upset when you told me and I had to calm down and get rational again. It’s hard to be rational when you’re all emotional. It hurt so much, Jase. It still does. That she’s having your baby when that’s all I wanted.” Somehow telling him that, sharing that with him, made the pain lessen just a bit. Not much, but a bit.

“It will happen, I promise you. Whenever you’re ready.”

Her throat closed up again and she nodded.

“And I wasn’t exactly rational when I went out and got stupid drunk and then dropped my pants in a restaurant.”

“Please don’t do that again.”

“I won’t.” He gripped her tightly. “I promise, I won’t. That was the last time I ever act so irresponsibly. Without thinking through the consequences of my actions. I’ve been such an irresponsible idiot.”

“No you haven’t.” She grabbed hold of his shirt and gave it a sharp tug. “I don’t want to hear you say things like that. You got drunk and did a stupid thing, but you are not stupid. And you are not irresponsible. You didn’t blame anyone else for what you did that night, you took responsibility for your actions. You showed up every week to help those kids read. You take responsibility for every loss your team has. Yes, your job is a game, but you take it seriously—you know you have responsibilities to the team, to the owners, all the businesses that depend on you and especially the fans. And you’re taking responsibility for your child.”

She took a breath and let it out, long and slow. “I was ready to let you go,” she said softly, breathing in the fresh, masculine scent of his recent shower. “Because I knew you had to look after your child. I know parents have to make sacrifices for their children. But there are some sacrifices that you shouldn’t have to make. And I didn’t want you to do that.”

“I’m glad you realize how special I am.”

She swatted his chest, but laughed. Then her cell phone rang. She leaned down to grab her purse from the floor and dug around in it for the phone. It was the realtor.

“We have to get together to go over this offer,” he said.

“Oh, yeah.” She sighed, not wanting to move off Jason’s lap. “Okay. I’ll meet you at my place in an hour.”

“Who was that?” Jason asked as she snapped the phone shut.

“My realtor. I listed the house and there’s an offer already.”

Jason had gone very still. “Uh…Remi…”

Regretfully she slid off him and stood, straightening her sweater.

“The offer…” He stood too. She looked up at him, tipping her head to one side. “The offer is…from me.”

She gave her head a shake. “What?”