Kelly Jamieson - Breakaway

Her stomach flipped and flopped and her hands shook.

“Okay we’re done!” the coach yelled. Some of the players ignored him and kept skating around, one of them gave another a playful body check and another fell to the ice as if exhausted and lay there spread-eagled. Remi smiled faintly.

Jason took his gloves off and beckoned to her. She slowly stepped down the wide concrete steps, watching him, until she was right at the boards beside the bench.

“Hi,” he said. “What’re you doing here?”

“Looking for you.”

“Oh.”

He was even huger than usual, the skates adding inches to his height, the equipment adding bulk to his body.

“I wanted to talk to you, but this probably isn’t a good time.” Seeing the intensity of the practice reminded her of the importance of the game tomorrow night. She probably should have just left him alone until the playoffs were done.

“We’re done.”

“Yeah, but…the game tomorrow…I don’t want to distract you…”

A glimmer of a smile passed over his mouth. “Yeah. That’s what Coach just said to me. Don’t get distracted.”

“I’m sorry.” She turned to leave.

“Wait.” She turned back to him. “I’ll be more distracted if I don’t know why you came here. Gimme fifteen minutes to change and shower.” He lifted his arms and his mouth quirked up. “You don’t want to come near me until I shower. Trust me.”

She nodded.

“I’ll meet you on the concourse,” he said. “By the donut shop. Okay?”

His eyes regarded her watchfully and she noticed his fingers were shaking too when he stuffed his gloves under one arm to skate off the ice.

What was she doing? She might be crazy. But she had to tell him some things. Some important things.

She ordered a coffee that she didn’t want and sat alone at a small table sipping the tasteless liquid. She heard the Zamboni rev up and drive onto the ice, its motor humming as it circled the surface. A couple of guys emerged from a door across from her and she didn’t know who they were, but they looked like hockey players, bearded and damp. Looked like nobody shaved during the playoffs. That wasn’t a tradition she was completely in favor of, but oh well.

Then Jason came out, his face darkened with his beard, longer than stubble now. On him, it looked good. Remi shook her head. His hair too was damp from shower. He wore his leather jacket and a pair of jeans and sneakers.

She watched him look for her, then spot her, and she swore he was relieved when he did. He started toward her with his long, athletic gait. Her heart swelled in her chest so big it hurt. God, she loved this man.

Her eyes smarted and she blinked hard. She was not going to cry anymore. Dammit.

“D’you want to stay here and talk?” he asked, stopping in front of her so she had to look way up in to his face. “Or go somewhere else?”

“Um…maybe we could go somewhere else.”

“My place is close. We can walk.”

“Okay.” She’d just leave her car. She could come back for it later.

They emerged into afternoon brightness, blinking a little after the gloomy arena, the downtown streets busy with traffic and pedestrians. They started down the sidewalk toward Jason’s apartment building, only a few blocks away.

The sun warmed them with increasing strength and the breeze that lifted Remi’s hair felt gentle like spring.

“So what did you want to talk about?” he asked. Their hands swung at their sides as they walked and she wished he would take her hand and hold it. But he didn’t. She pressed her lips together, stomach a mass of twisting nerves.

“Let’s just get to your place,” she said, not even sure what she was going to say to him. “How did your practice go?”

“It was okay. Everyone’s kinda tense. We lost again last night.”

“I know. I watched.”

“Oh.”

“But you played well.”

“Yeah, I did okay.” He shook his head. “But we gotta get our shit together tomorrow night or we’re done.”

“You can do it.”

He looked at her and smiled. “Thanks. Maybe you should come to the game. Last time I think you brought me luck.”

She laughed. “I doubt I did.”

They rode up the elevator in his high-rise building, her remembering the first time she’d been there and they’d been all over each other. Her tummy did a little flip low down. Her breathing shallow, she tried to focus on drawing air into her lungs.

Jason led the way in. Sunlight flooded through the wall of windows, the view beyond spectacular, all the way to Lake Michigan in the hazy distance. She smiled at all his exercise equipment taking up half the space, the other half filled with leather couch and electronic equipment.

“Have a seat,” he said, his jaw tight.

She sat on the couch and set her purse on the floor. “So.”

He sat beside her, but not touching, eyeing her as if she was alternately a bomb that might explode or a meal he wanted to devour.

She twisted her fingers together again. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Uh-huh.”

Hell. She’d already said that.

“I’ve been doing some thinking. About you and…Brianne.” She forced the name out through stiff lips. “And the baby.”

He leaned back and lifted a brow. “Really? Me too.”

Was that sarcasm? She licked her lips. “Maybe this is none of my business, but I don’t want to see you make a big mistake.”

He frowned. “Like what?”

“Like…I know you want to do the right thing and I know you’re going to take responsibility and be a father to your child, but…oh shit.” Tears filled her eyes again.

“What, Remi?” Now he leaned forward and reached for her hands. His were big and warm on her clammy ones.

“Dammit,” she sobbed. “All I do is cry lately. I hate this!” She drew in a shuddering breath. “I know you want to take responsibility and man up to the consequences of your actions and all that, but Jase, I don’t think getting back together with Brianne is the right thing for you. For any of you, even the baby.” She grimaced at him, brows drawn down, sniffing. “I’m sure Brianne is a lovely person,” she continued. “But don’t you think it would be a big mistake to get back together with her for the sake of your baby?”

“Yup.”

“Because I… What?” She stared at him.

“Yup, that would be a huge fucking mistake,” he agreed, regarding her soberly. “I already figured that out, Remi.”

“You did?”

“Hell, yeah. Big mistake. Huge motherfucking mistake.”

“Oh.”

He smiled at her. “You telling me this because you still want me for yourself?”

She snuffled out a laugh. “Actually, no.”

“What?” He scowled.

“I do love you Jase.” She touched his cheek. “You told me you couldn’t be with me, and if that’s how you feel, I respect that. I’ve done a lot of thinking too. But my main reason for coming here and talking to you was just to keep you from making that mistake, from sacrificing too much. Not to try to hold on to you.”

“I was coming to see you after the practice.”

“You were?”

“Yeah. To tell you I’d realized I couldn’t get back with Brianne. To see if you still wanted me.” Her heart expanded in her chest, stealing her breath as she watched his face. “But…big ‘but’…” He paused. She met his agonized gaze. “I don’t know if I can ask that much of you.”

“Ask what?”

“Brianne has to be in my life,” he continued, voice low. “She’s going to have my baby. It’s not what I would have chosen, but it’s there. Somehow we’re going to have to be parents to this child together. Not married. Not as a couple. But somehow. We talked about it today.”