Connie Willis - Even the Queen

“Twidge is only nine. By the time she's supposed to get her shunt, Perdita will have long since quit.” I hope, I added silently. Perdita had had the tattoo for a year and a half now and showed no signs of tiring of it. “Besides, Twidge has more sense.”

“It's true. Oh, Mother, how could Perdita do this? Didn't you tell her about how awful it was?”

“Yes,” I said. “And inconvenient. And unpleasant and unbalancing and painful. None of it made the slightest impact on her. She told me she thought it would be fun.”

Bysshe was pointing to his watch and mouthing, “Time for court.”

“Fun!” Viola said. “When she saw what I went through that time? Honestly, Mother, sometimes I think she's completely brain-dead. Can't you have her declared incompetent and locked up or something?”

“No,” I said, trying to zip up my robe with one hand. “Viola, I have to go. I'm late for court. I'm afraid there's nothing we can do to stop her. She's a rational adult.”

“Rational!” Viola said. “Her eyebrows light up, Mother. She has Custer's Last Stand lased on her arm.”

I handed the phone to Bysshe. “Tell Viola I'll talk to her tomorrow.” I zipped up my robe. “And then call Baghdad and see how long they expect the phones to be out.” I started into the courtroom. “And if there are any more universal calls, make sure they're local before you answer.”

Bysshe couldn't get through to Baghdad, which I took as a good sign, and my mother-in-law didn't call. Mother did, in the afternoon, to ask if lobotomies were legal.

She called again the next day. I was in the middle of my Personal Sovereignty class, explaining the inherent right of citizens in a free society to make complete jackasses of themselves. They weren't buying it.

“I think it's your mother,” Bysshe whispered to me as he handed me the phone. “She's still using the universal. But it's local. I checked.”

“Hello, Mother,” I said.

“It's all arranged,” Mother said. “We're having lunch with Perdita at McGregor's. It's on the corner of Twelfth Street and Larimer.”

“I'm in the middle of class,” I said.

“I know. I won't keep you. I just wanted to tell you not to worry. I've taken care of everything.”

I didn't like the sound of that. “What have you done?”

“Invited Perdita to lunch with us. I told you. At McGregor's.”

“Who is 'us', Mother?”

“Just the family,” she said innocently. “You and Viola.”

Well, at least she hadn't brought in the deprogrammer. Yet. “What are you up to, Mother?”

“Perdita said the same thing. Can't a grandmother ask her granddaughters to lunch? Be there at twelve-thirty.”

“Bysshe and I have a court calendar meeting at three.”

“Oh, we'll be done by then. And bring Bysshe with you. He can provide a man's point of view.”

She hung up.

“You'll have to go to lunch with me, Bysshe,” I said. “Sorry.”

“Why? What's going to happen at lunch?”

“I have no idea.”

On the way over to McGregor's, Bysshe told me what he'd found out about the Cyclists. “They're not a cult. There's no religious connection. They seem to have grown out of a pre– Liberation women's group,” he said, looking at his notes, “although there are also links to the pro-choice movement, the University of Wisconsin, and the Museum of Modern Art.”

“What?”

“They call their group leaders 'docents.' Their philosophy seems to be a mix of pre-Liberation radical feminism and the environmental primitivism of the eighties. They're floratarians and they don't wear shoes.”

“Or shunts,” I said. We pulled up in front of McGregor's and got out of the car. “Any mind control convictions?” I asked hopefully.

“No. A bunch of suits against individual members, all of which they won.”

“On grounds of personal sovereignty.”

“Yeah. And a criminal one by a member whose family tried to deprogram her. The deprogrammer was sentenced to twenty years, and the family got twelve.”

“Be sure to tell Mother about that one,” I said, and opened the door to McGregor's.

It was one of those restaurants with a morning glory vine twining around the maitre d's desk and garden plots between the tables.

“Perdita suggested it,” Mother said, guiding Bysshe and I past the onions to our table. “She told me a lot of the Cyclists are floratarians.”

“Is she here?” I asked, sidestepping a cucumber frame.

“Not yet.” She pointed past a rose arbor. “There's our table.”

Our table was a wicker affair under a mulberry tree. Viola and Twidge were seated on the far side next to a trellis of runner beans, looking at menus.

“What are you doing here, Twidge?” I asked. “Why aren't you in school?”

“I am,” she said, holding up her LCD slate. “I'm remoting today.”

“I thought she should be part of this discussion,” Viola said. “After all, she'll be getting her shunt soon.”

“My friend Kensy says she isn't going to get one, like Perdita,” Twidge said.

“I'm sure Kensy will change her mind when the time comes,” Mother said. “Perdita will change hers, too. Bysshe, why don't you sit next to Viola?”

Bysshe slid obediently past the trellis and sat down in the wicker chair at the far end of the table. Twidge reached across Viola and handed him a menu. “This is a great restaurant,” she said. “You don't have to wear shoes.” She held up a bare foot to illustrate. “And if you get hungry while you're waiting, you can just pick something.” She twisted around in her chair, picked two of the green beans, gave one to Bysshe, and bit into the other one. “I bet she doesn't. Kensy says a shunt hurts worse than braces.”

“It doesn't hurt as much as not having one,” Viola said, shooting me a Now-Do-You-See-What-My-Sister's-Caused? look.

“Traci, why don't you sit across from Viola?” Mother said to me. “And we'll put Perdita next to you when she comes.”

“If she comes,” Viola said.

“I told her one o'clock,” Mother said, sitting down at the near end. “So we'd have a chance to plan our strategy before she gets here. I talked to Carol Chen--”

“Her daughter nearly joined the Cyclists last year,” I explained to Bysshe and Viola.

“She said they had a family gathering, like this, and simply talked to her daughter, and she decided she didn't want to be a Cyclist after all.” She looked around the table. “So I thought we'd do the same thing with Perdita. I think we should start by explaining the significance of the Liberation and the days of dark oppression that preceded it--”

“I think,” Viola interrupted, “we should try to talk her into just going off the ammenerol for a few months instead of having the shunt removed. If she comes. Which she won't.”

“Why not?”

“Would you? I mean, it's like the Inquisition. Her sitting here while all of us 'explain' at her. Perdita may be crazy, but she's not stupid.”

“It's hardly the Inquisition,” Mother said. She looked anxiously past me toward the door. “I'm sure Perdita--” She stopped, stood up, and plunged off suddenly through the asparagus.

I turned around, half-expecting Perdita with light-up lips or a full-body tattoo, but I couldn't see through the leaves. I pushed at the branches.

“Is it Perdita?” Viola said, leaning forward.

I peered around the mulberry bush. “Oh, my God,” I said.

It was my mother-in-law, wearing a black abayah and a silk yarmulke. She swept toward us through a pumpkin patch, robes billowing and eyes flashing. Mother hurried in her wake of trampled radishes, looking daggers at me.