Karen Robards - Desire in the Sun

Leonard drummed his fingers on the desk top, looked over at Kevin then back at Lilah, his face hardening until it could have been carved from granite. His eyes were distant, cold. Lilah had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep tears from filling her eyes. She knew that by acting on her feelings for Joss she had cut herself off from her father's love forever.

At last Leonard spoke. "I need not go over how sickened I am by the abomination you have committed, or how shocked and grieved I am that you, my daughter, would debauch herself with a slave. No words I can say can convey the depths of my revulsion for what you have done. You're not the daughter I thought I knew."

"Papa…" A lump lodged in her throat, turning the word into a croak. Her eyes beseeched him. He silenced her with a gesture, appearing not the least bit moved by her obvious distress.

"At the present I am solely concerned with salvaging what we can from this debacle. Word of your transgression is doubtless already spreading across the island like wildfire; you may rest assured that you will no longer be received by any but our closest friends. And they will only allow you in their homes for my sake, and only because they don't know the true extent of your depravity. Of course they will think that your ruin was with a white man. No one could ever imagine the true depths to which you have sunk."

Lilah did not try to interrupt this time. Tears were too perilously close to the surface to permit her to speak.

"Tempted as I may be, your stepmother has persuaded me not to totally cast you off. If you are ever to have the slightest chance of taking your place in society again, you must wed at once. Kevin here says he is still willing to have you. I salute the nobility of spirit and kindness for me which prompt him to such a sacrifice. Though it ill becomes one who loves him like a son to do so, I have taken him up on his offer because there is no other way for you, my blood daughter as much as it shames me to claim you, to avoid absolute ruin. You should feel grateful that Kevin is willing to offer you the protection of his name. I, in his place, would not be so generous.

"Father Sykes will be coming at noon tomorrow to perform the ceremony. Under the circumstances, it will be done as discreetly as possible, with only family in attendance. Kevin tells me he is prepared to treat you with kindness despite what you have done. I hope you are properly grateful to him."

Lilah breathed deeply once, twice, meeting her father's eyes with pain in her own.

"I'm sorry to have caused you such grief, Papa," she whispered. "Please believe I never meant to."

Then she turned her eyes to Kevin. Kevin, whom she had known from childhood, nursed through the cholera, loved, though not in the right way. Kevin, who still wanted to marry her. Why? For Heart's Ease? She thought that was part of it. But perhaps he wanted to marry her because in his own way he did love her.

He was watching her, his hazel eyes shadowed. Her conscience smote her. If he had truly loved her, he must be hurting now. She hated to hurt him more, but wed him she could not.

She wet her lips, and spoke in a low, steady tone. "I'm sorry you were hurt, Kevin. I never meant for things to happen like this. I truly thought I could learn to love you, that we could wed and be happy. I see now I was wrong."

Her eyes shifted to her father. "Papa, please hear me out! I know I've shocked you, disappointed you, disgraced you. I'm sorry for that, because I love you. But I love Joss too."

Her father made an outraged sound, slamming his fist on the desk and starting up out of his seat in a burst of fury. Lilah stood too, facing him bravely, trying to get the words out before sorrow at what she was doing to her family closed her throat.

"I'll never wed Kevin, never, and you can't compel me to do so. I realize that if I stay here at Heart's Ease, unwed, I'll be ruined, and you, all of you, will be shamed. So I'm asking you to let me go. Let me go and let Joss go and we'll go away to England and start a new life. You need never see or hear from me again, if that's your wish, and you can leave Heart's Ease to Kevin, who surely deserves it."

"Enough!" Leonard came around the corner of the desk, bellowing like a wounded moose. Lilah stood her ground as he closed on her, knowing she had to be strong if she was to have any chance of seeing Joss again.

"You will do as you're told and be damned grateful! You'll wed Kevin tomorrow, and if you so much as mention that damned blackamoor's name in my presence again I'll whip you as I should have when you were a little girl!" Leonard growled, leaning threateningly close to Lilah's face.

"I'll not marry Kevin, tomorrow or any other day, Papa. And there's nothing you can do to make me." Her voice was very steady despite a slight trembling of her lower lip.

Father and daughter stood nose to nose, one glaring and the other looking on the verge of tears, but adamant for all that. Leonard's bulk was overwhelming next to Lilah's slenderness, his weather-roughened features coarse compared to the delicacy of hers. Yet there was a sameness in both of them that spoke of wills that would never bend, and it was obvious an impasse had been reached. He ordered, and she would not obey. Checkmate.

Kevin got up, wincing as if the movement pained him. "Leonard, if you would permit me…"he said, looking at the incensed older man as he caught Lilah's arm and pulled her gently aside.

Badly shaken by the unprecedented battle of wills with her father, Lilah allowed Kevin to lead her off to a corner of the room, where he took both her hands in his and stood looking down at her. It was a moment before he spoke. "You had better marry me, you know. Your life will be miserable if you don't."

"You don't want to marry me, Kevin," she said quietly, looking up into the face that Joss had battered so badly. She had never meant to hurt any of these people, and here she was hurting them all. For Joss. And herself. Because she would never be happy without him. "I don't love you, you see, not in the right way. Not in the way a woman should love her husband. I'm fond of you, but that's not enough. I've learned that. I'll make you unhappy, and you don't deserve to be unhappy. You're a very special man, and you deserve someone who'll love you more than anything in the world."

"I suppose you think you love that buck of yours?" A sneer twisted his mouth, wiping the kindness from his eyes. Lilah sighed.

"His name is Joss, and he's a man just like you are. Who his mother was doesn't make a tad of difference. Yes, I love him. I love him more than I ever thought I could love anyone, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Now, after hearing that, do you really want to marry me?"

Kevin frowned as he weighed her words. "Together we'd make a good team, Lilah. We've known each other for years, we both love the plantation, and if you married me people would soon forget all about this aberration of yours. Your father would forget. I'll run the sugar operation and you'll run the house and we'll have children. In twenty years we'll hardly remember that this happened."

"I'll remember," Lilah said softly. "I'll always remember. ''

"I'll help you forget. Please marry me, Lilah. I love you." There was pleading in his eyes, and in his voice.

She looked up at him steadily. "No, Kevin."

"Enough of this!" The interjection came from Leon ard, who crossed the room to take Lilah roughly by the arm and pull her around to face him. "You will marry Kevin tomorrow, and there's an end to it! If you refuse, I'll sell that maid of yours, what's her name, Betsy, that you're so fond of! I'll pack her right off to auction before you can so much as spit!"

Lilah's eyes widened on her father's face. If she didn't obey him he would do as he threatened, she knew. And she also knew that there was only one way to stop this talk of marrying Kevin once and for all. She would have to reveal a secret so new that she had only become aware of it a few days before.