Tatiana Grafova - There is always the sun behind the clouds. Living happily

Cover designer Ekaterina Lobacheva

Editor Paul Stepto

© Tatiana Grafova, 2021

© Ekaterina Lobacheva, cover design, 2021

ISBN 978-5-0053-4456-4

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

This book has been written for women.

All women without exception.

Regardless of their age and race, nationality or religion, education or occupation.

It does not mean, however, that it is an absolute taboo for men.

In fact, they will only benefit from reading it.

It will help them to understand us better and to live with us in peace and harmony.

To be honest, I wrote this book for myself, as a remedy for a long period of spleen bordering on depression that I fell into when my husband left me and my teenage daughter and moved to another city. At that point my heart turned into a black empty hole that urgently needed to be filled with something pleasant, joyful and positive. I felt terribly miserable and had no idea about how to go on living and what to do in the new circumstances.

My teenage daughter who saw my suffering, pining and crying and behaving like a captured animal in a cage, was apparently very wise for her age, as once she said to me, Mom, you need to do something with yourself, find an interest or a hobby, some kind of distraction, otherwise you’ll end up in an asylum. Take up sport or something else, write a book…

I don’t know why she threw in this particular phrase about writing a book (up to that moment the only book I had ever written or published was an English course book for adults).

The idea of writing a book was so unexpected that at first I didn’t pay much attention to it. But my heart and soul apparently welcomed the idea with joy and readiness because it kept coming back and turning in my mind over and over again.

A few days later the planted seed sprang into life when one sleepless night I sat up in bed, turned on the light, took a pen and a piece of paper and started making notes on the future book about what I could do to get back my ability to feel joy and happiness.

I thought then, Why don’t I try to be a psychotherapist for myself and pull myself out of this abyss of apathy and sadness?

I desperately needed this book for myself, in the first place, so I wrote it for myself, summing up my own knowledge and life experience as well as all kinds of different methods, ways and practices I had ever read or heard about on how to cheer myself up, lift my spirits and regain my joie de vivre and my ability to enjoy the tastes and bright colours of life.

And you know, it worked! The positive effect didn’t keep me waiting long. I got so deeply and enthusiastically involved in writing the book that very soon I forgot about my depression altogether. I no longer felt lonely, unhappy or abandoned and started to enjoy life again. My bad mood vanished into thin air, the dark clouds in my mind and soul were gone. I let the sun in and life suddenly became exciting and meaningful again.

I got what I wanted – I got over my depression. Two months later the manuscript was finished and I realized that I was a lucky owner of a cure for sadness and depression of my own making, that if I ever feel low, I could always open my book and find the right recipe to deal with that.

As I have already said above, I wrote this book exclusively for myself, and the idea of publishing it didn’t even occur to me. But life sometimes dictates its own rules. Soon after finishing the book I met a friend of mine who had just got divorced and was in a psychological state very similar to the one I had been in a few months before. And I thought, What if I give her my manuscript to read? If it helped me, who knows, maybe it can help her too?

The following day my friend called me and said: I was reading your book all night and couldn’t stop. Thank you very much. I feel much better now. You know, you should publish it. It can help other women in time of trouble and despair, it can cheer them up when they are going through hard times.

I thought, Why not give it a try? – and I gave the manuscript to a literary agent, then for a while I forgot all about it. Several months later the agent called me back to say that one of the publishing houses was interested and ready to publish my book. That was a very pleasant surprise indeed! Thus, in 2006 the book was published under the title “Commandments of a happy woman”.

Now as soon as I find myself feeling sad and notice the first symptoms of low spirits and apathy I take my book from the shelf and start leafing it through to refresh in my memory my own advice given to myself, and then I realize that life is going on, everything is fine and will be even better, if only I don’t despair, if I think positive and live with faith in myself and a smile on my face, if I remember that all the problems and troubles will eventually go away, if I don’t forget that hard times always preceed a change for the better, but first and foremost, if I never stop loving life and people around me and feeling grateful for everything.

When I happen to be in a bad mood (I am only human, after all) my friends would joke and ask me, When did you open your book last time? And then I remember with a smile that there is always the sun behind the clouds.

I hope that this book will help my readers to cheer up and stay positive and optimistic, whatever happens and despite everything.

I would have never written this book if my husband hadn’t left me and my daughter, then I wouldn’t have fallen into a deep depression that made me start writing this book in an attempt to get rid of it. So I’m grateful to my ex-husband Vladimir and to my depression, both of which are now gone and left in the past, thank God!

I would like to express my deep and sincere gratitude to my daughter Anastasia who accidentally dropped the phrase, Why don’t you write a book to distract yourself from sad thoughts? Of course, we all know that nothing in our life is really accidental, maybe my guardian angel or my subconscious, or both of them were speaking to me through her?

I want to say thank you to Julia Kazak who first brought up the idea of publishing this book and convinced me that it might be useful for other women too, not just myself.

I am very grateful to Natalia Sanina, my literary agent and friend, who supported my literary debut and helped me to publish the first Russian edition of this book.

I’m extremely grateful to my relatives and friends for being part of my life, for their support and faith in me.

Dear women,

We are all so different.

No matter how hard you try, you will never find two identical raindrops, snowflakes or two identical grains of sand in a desert.

Likewise, there simply don’t exist two fully identical women.

Each of us is special and unique.

Each has her own individual charm.

But we all have one thing in common:

We belong to the exclusive race of women, and that speaks for itself.