Tatiana Grafova - There is always the sun behind the clouds. Living happily

I remember my first trip to Paris.

I had been dreaming about it for years.

It was April. The chestnut trees were in full blossom.…

I was walking the streets, looking right and left … with every cell of my body inhaling the fascinating and intoxicating air of this wonderful city… and feeling on top of the world from sheer joy.

I was brimming with happiness!

And at some point I realized that I was walking along the street with a broad smile on my face, as they say, “a big smile – from ear to ear”.

But I was feeling so good that I simply couldn’t and, for that matter, didn’t want to restrain myself and hide a smile. And I didn’t care about what others might think of me.

I didn’t need any special reasons or permissions to smile and feel happy.

Despite everything and against all possible rules and conventions!

If you want to learn to smile again, let me give you a piece of friendly advice.

Try to remember the time when you were in love.

Imagine you are walking along the street or across the park … and all of a sudden you remember HIM.

A happy smile appears on your face.

It happens quite naturally, of its own accord.

You simply can’t help yourself because you are filled with joy, and it spills over – in the form of a smile.

And what’s even more important – remember the feeling of boundless happiness that you experienced at that moment.

Emotional memory is known to be the strongest and most lasting kind of memory, at least with us, women.

You can forget many details of some episode in your life.

But not your emotional state, if this episode was emotionally charged, if it involved strong feelings.

Try to remember that blissful state of being in love and to experience it again.

And then you will smile very easily, without any special effort on your part.

And you will feel so much better – as if a burden has been lifted off your shoulders, setting your soul free.

By the way, the Chinese believe that one should smile at everybody.

Even when you pick up the phone to answer a call or to give somebody a call.

They are absolutely convinced: the person on the other end of the line is sure to feel your smile and his soul is bound to react to it.

If you have doubts, try and test it yourself.

Moreover, make it a rule:

Even if the people around refuse to smile at you, show your generosity of heart and give them your smile.

In fact, it is those who don’t know how to smile themselves, who need other people’s smiles more desperately than anybody else.

Be generous in giving your smiles.

It doesn’t cost you anything.

But it does both yourself and others a world of good.

Well, here we are coming to …

The first commandment of a happy woman:

Smile as often as possible.

Smile both at friends and strangers, at yourself and at the world around you.

And then the world is sure to smile back at you and bring you most unexpected and pleasant surprises.

Unlike men, women by their very nature tend to listen to their heart rather than to the voice of common sense and practical wisdom. And most of the time they behave and live accordingly.

Naturally, there is no rule without exception.

Only these exceptions, by their very existence, simply prove the general rule.

An episode from my life

Last time we were moving to a new flat we threw out or gave away to relatives and friends practically all our old furniture.

As a result, the first few days until we bought the new furniture, our living room was almost empty and if we wanted to watch TV, we had to sit on the carpet on the floor.

Once at the weekend my husband and I set out shopping to buy a new settee for our living room.

However, on the way we happened to stop by at a picture gallery to see the exhibition of modern Russian artists. And I fell head over heels in love with one of the pictures there. It was love at first sight that struck me like a thunderbolt.

The painting was so cheerful and full of optimism! So filled with light and air that I had the impression I could feel the light wind touching the flower petals in the picture on my own cheeks. It really caught my fancy. And without thinking twice, I bought it there and then, spending all the money that was intended for the purchase of the settee.

I brought it home, put it on the bare wall of our living room and was beyond myself with joy.

The prospect of living without a sofa for a few more days or even weeks did not in the least frighten, upset or bother me. I had my picture! And that was all that mattered! What else did I need?

When I felt low or was in a bad mood, when I came home tired at the end of the long day,

I stood near the window or sat down on the floor and for some time contemplated my favourite still-life on the opposite wall. After a few minutes my mood changed for the better and I regained my peace of mind. My heart grew light and I felt happy again.

Some of my friends and relatives couldn’t understand, to say nothing of approve of such light-minded behaviour on my part. But I never ever, not for one second, regretted that.

Eventually, we bought a nice cosy settee for our living-room.

But neither its purchase nor its presence in my flat could give me as much pleasure or satisfaction as my lovely picture.

Perhaps, from a man’s point of view it looked like a very irresponsible and childish thing to do. But it made me feel so wonderful!

It gave me so much positive energy!

By the way, this picture is still hanging in my flat and still has a very positive, psychotherapeutic, bordering on magic, effect on me.

An effect that no settee in the world, no matter how stylish or expensive it might be, could ever give me.

And I can hardly imagine how I could live without those wonderful flowers before.

This episode is just one example to show that women’s emotions and feelings – our spiritual life – often runs away with us and easily takes the upper hand in the fight with reason and practical considerations.

Personally I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.

In fact, I believe that quite often it does us, women, a lot of good to listen to the wisdom of our heart rather than to the cold reason of our mind.

In the vast majority of cases women have better intuition than men.

We certainly have what is usually referred to as the elusive “sixth sense”.

The only problem is that some of us have lost the habit of listening to our heart, and what’s even worse – the habit of following its wise advice.

Try to remember how many times you heard that quiet voice inside you that told you to do something or warned you against doing something, but you didn’t listen, ignored this hardly-audible voice. And acted in accordance with reason, with the so-called common sense, as prompted by your ego.

Afterwards, post factum, we often realize our mistake, we understand that we shouldn’t have ignored the clue given to us.

But most of the time it is too late to change anything.

What is done cannot be undone.

And you can’t turn the clock backwards.

If you have lost the habit of listening to your heart, try to learn to do it again.

We are born with this natural gift.

It is a talent that we shouldn’t bury, otherwise we may lose it.