Виктория Холт - The Judas kiss

"It may be the people will not like it."

"They must accept it or banish me."

"You are risking a great deal."

"I risk unhappiness for the rest of my life if I don't seize my opportunities.".

We rode to the Marmorsaal with Freya and Gunther and there we found a priest who married us.

"The deed is done," said Conrad with a laugh. "There can be no turning back now."

"I hope you will never regret it."

Gunther and Freya rode back to the town with us, and we were able to slip quietly into the Grand Schloss. There I was presented to the Grand Duke and Conrad told him that we were married. Freya and Gunther were present and the four of us stood before the old man.

He gave us his blessing although it was clear that he found the situation very disquieting. It was a most unorthodox way in which to behave.

He said with a smile, as he looked at Conrad with real affection: "I can see I shall have to live a little longer until they've all grown accustomed to the idea."

He looked at me gravely: "I know," he said, "that you have been wrongfully accused and I know there has been a long-standing friendship between you and the Baron. You have come into a way of life which will have many difficulties. I hope your affection for your husband will carry you through them."

I kissed his hand and thanked him. I thought he was gracious and charming.

Later I talked with Conrad.

He said that his uncle understood the situation because he had explained it to him. Tatiana's ambition had been to be Grand Duchess in due course, and she had sought to achieve this ambition through marriage. Two people stood in her way: Freya and myself. So therefore she planned to be rid of us both at the same time. What had happened in England had been known to her family because they had been at the centre of that faction which had wanted to get rid of Rudolph and set up Sigmund in his place.

"There are always such intrigues going on in these small states and principalities," said Conrad. "I have always thought it would be a good thing if we could be joined as one great country—a great empire. We should be more prosperous, a world power. As it is we fight among ourselves. There are secret societies and continual intrigues. No one can accuse a single person of Rudolph's murder. It would doubtless have been carried out by a hired assassin."

"Perhaps Katia's brother."

"Very likely. He was close by and it would have been reasonable to choose him. But who can say? And in any case he could not be accused of murder for he would be acting on instructions as a soldier does. Your sister died solely because she happened to be there. There was no intrigue against her ... unless there was a child of course whom she might bring forward. That's how it would have happened. It could happen to us, you know. Pippa, have you thought of the sort of life you are marrying into? You live dangerously here. It is a long way from your English village where the main cause for concern is the death-watch beetle in the church roof and who will be elected to the parish council."

"I know exactly what I am doing," I said, "and so did Francine. I wouldn't change it. It is what I want."

He said: "There is another thing. The people may not like our marriage. Kollenitz can't object because it was Freya who broke the contract. But the people here ..."

"They would have preferred you to marry Tatiana."

"Not now, because Tatiana will not come out of her convent, I imagine. She will be nursed back to health there, for they will say that she needs it. And very likely she will take the veil. It is what happens in such cases. She was always unbalanced. Now I believe her reason has deserted her. It may come back ... and then she will not wish for any other but the convent life. And for us ... we have to wait, Pippa. We shall have another marriage ceremony ... one with celebrations in the streets. I'm sorry, but you did marry me, remember. You have to face them. I think they'll like you ... in time. How can they help it? They might even think it is romantic ... charming. They are like that, you know. Freya has been forgiven. There were flowers and cheers for her when she rode through the streets. They have always liked Freya."

"I can well understand that," I said. "Freya is charming and young and fresh and natural."

"They like Gunther too. The fact is they like romance, and the story of her running away with the one she loved has caught their imagination ... as our story must do."

"Conrad," I said earnestly, "you don't wish that you could give it up, do you? It means a great deal to you ... this country... ."

I saw the dreamy, far-away look in his eyes.

He had been brought up here. He belonged here. I had to learn to accept that.

It was two months later when our ceremonial wedding took place, and I was almost certain at the time that I was going to have a child. The thought gave me confidence. My life was here, and the child I carried would be heir to the. dukedom.

Conrad looked splendid. I was dressed in a white gown which was covered in pearls. I had never worn anything so grand. Freya assured me that I looked magnificent, every bit the future Grand Duchess. The Grand Duke's presence at the wedding gave it the seal of official approval, and to my astonishment I came through the ordeal well enough.

I rode through the streets afterwards in the carriage with the ducal arms emblazoned on it. I stood on the Schloss balcony with Conrad on one side of me and the Grand Duke on the other, while the people cheered us.

Conrad was delighted. I had come through with honours; and that night I told him about the child.

My child was due in six months and I was living, as they said, quietly, at the Marmorsaal in the forest. I would take rides out in a small carriage which had been selected for my use, and because it was small and insignificant I could go out unceremoniously.

I had brought the young boy Zig into the household. I could not forget his kindness to me when I most needed it. His gratitude was moving and I knew I had a faithful servant for life.

I often visited Daisy, who was delighted with the way everything had turned out, and whenever I visited her she would be overcome with awe for at least five minutes before she forgot my new status and I became just Miss Pip to her.

And then ... it happened suddenly and when I had no longer hoped that it ever could.

Gisela was visiting Daisy when I called unexpectedly. Daisy was in her usual temporary respectful flutter when she saw who it was, and ushered me into her little sitting room where Gisela's twins, Carl and Gretchen, were playing with Hansie.

"Now then ... where can you sit yourself ..." Daisy was fluttering round pink-cheeked and flustered, and Gisela was almost as bad.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Daisy," I said, "stop it. I'm just the same."

Daisy winked at Gisela. "Now listen to her, and her the Grand-Duchess-to-be. And how are you today, my lady? How's the little 'un?"

"Exceptionally lively, Daisy."

"That's a good sign."

"Good but uncomfortable. And how is Hansie?"

"Hansie's a good boy ... sometimes."

"And the twins?"

They stood up and regarded me solemnly and not without suspicion, for as children will they had caught the uneasy respect which their elders were feeling towards me.

"You know me," I said to Carl.

He nodded.

"So show me your new toys."

Gretchen picked up a furry lamb from the floor and held it out to me.

"He's very nice," I said. "What's his name?"

"Franz," said Gretchen.

"He's a lovely lamb."

The children nodded.

"They play well together—the twins and Hansie," said Daisy. "It's nice for Gisela to come up here and for me to go visiting her. It makes company."