Виктория Холт - The Judas kiss

"It's not very pleasant, is it?"

"There's something to eat."

"Will they keep me here?" I asked.

"They'll try to persuade you."

"To what?"

He nodded towards the window. "Mustn't stay," he said. "They'll dock me supper." He went out, shutting the door, and I heard him turn the heavy key in the lock.

What had he meant when he had said they would try to persuade me? I went to the window and looked out. I could see the overhanging Rock and the drop down to the gorge.

I sat down on the bed. I was still too shocked and bewildered to think clearly. This was becoming more and more like a fantastic nightmare. I was accused and condemned without a chance to speak for myself. I felt lost—and a desperate loneliness.

Then from somewhere at the back of my mind came the thought: "Conrad will come for me. He will discover what has happened and come to save me."

The boy brought up some stew for me. I could not eat it. He looked at me pityingly as I shook my head and turned away from it.

"Better eat," he said.

"I don't want it," I said. "Do you have many people here like me?"

He shook his head.

"What have you done, Fraulein?" he asked.

"I have done nothing to warrant this treatment."

He looked at me closely and whispered: "Did you offend in high places, Fraulein? That's what they come here for."

He left the plate with me and the sight of the congealing fat on the top of the broth sickened me. I turned away and looked out of the window. Mountains ... pines everywhere ... the great craggy Rock and below—far below—the ravine.

This is madness, I thought. This is a bad dream. It was the sort of thing that happened when one strayed from the conventional path. Was that why people laid down rigid rules for society? Who would have believed that I, Philippa Ewell, rather quiet, not particularly attractive, could become the mistress of a person of great importance in a faraway country, and then be accused of murder and brought to this mountain castle to await trial ... execution for murder.

What had happened at Greystone Manor when I had been suspected of causing the death of my grandfather was not to be compared with this.

I had strayed from the narrow conventional path. I might have married Cousin Arthur and then I could never have been in the position in which I now found myself. But I should never have known the ecstasy I had experienced with Conrad. I had chosen to live dangerously and now the moment had come to pay for it. Once again I thought of that old Spanish proverb: "Take what you want," said God. "Take it... and pay for it."

Both Francine and I had taken. Francine had paid with her life. Was I to do the same?

The day wore on. Darkness came. The boy arrived with a candle in an iron stick. When it was lighted it threw eerie shadows round the room, which looked more and more like a cell. He threw a blanket on the bed. "It gets cold at night," he said. "We're right up in the mountains and the thick stone walls keep out the warmth of the sun in the daytime. Don't say I gave you that. Say it was here, if they ask."

"Zig," I said, "tell me who is here?"

"The old 'uns," he said. "And the Big 'Un and 'er and me."

"The old ones are the man and woman I saw."

"They're the keepers of the Klingen Schloss. Then there's the Big 'Un, he's a giant and he'll be there if he's wanted. Not for you, I reckon—you're just a woman—and then there's 'er and she's his wife."

"So there are four of them."

"And me—Zig. I do the work and get my food for it."

"And who has been there before?"

"Some others."

"What happened to them?"

His eyes strayed to the window.

"Do you mean they were thrown from the Rock?"

"It's what they're brought here for."

"Is that what they intend to do with me?"

"Wouldn't have brought you here, else."

"Who is they? Whom do you work for? Whom do they work for?"

"People in high places."

"I see. It's a sort of politics."

"They bring them here so they can have the choice. Taking the leap or facing what they have to face. It's when they like to keep it secret and they don't want there to be a big trial and all that. It's when they want to keep things dark."

"What chance have I of getting away?"

He shook his head. "There's the Big 'Un. If you tried, he'd throw you over right away ... and nobody would hear of you no more."

"Zig, I am innocent of what they accuse me."

"That don't make no difference sometimes," he said gloomily, picking up the plate of uneaten food and going out. I heard him lock the door behind him.

That night in the Klingen Schloss seemed an eternity. Lying on the hard pallet, I tried to bring some order into the thoughts that chased each other round in my mind.

Was it possible to get away from here? What I wanted most was to explain to Conrad. Would he believe me guilty? That was something I could not bear. It seemed the worst aspect of the whole terrible business. He knew how very much I wanted to marry him and that I could not happily accept the situation he was offering me and that dear innocent Freya stood in the way.

Could he really believe that I would kill her?

I could imagine how lucidly Tatiana would put her case to him. It fitted neatly enough. "She did it before," I could hear her telling him. "She murdered her own grandfather. She got away with that and she thought she would get away with this. Thank God I discovered her foul treachery.

I sent her to Klingen. I thought it would save so much trouble if she took the leap. And she did, of course, when she realized there was no other way out.

But I would not take the leap. I would find some means of escape. I should be thinking of that now. No matter how impossible it seemed, there must be a way. I must get back to Conrad.

But what if ... ? No, I must fight off these doubts. They were more than I could endure. But they would persist. There had been rumours concerning him and Tatiana. What if they were true? Tatiana said he had amused himself at my expense. I remembered how lighthearted he had been, how he had tried to persuade me to go to the Marmorsaal. How much did I know Conrad? I knew that he was shaped like the gods and heroes of his northern land; I knew that the looks of an ancient hero were combined with the suave and charming manners of a modern prince. He was the sort of man who would be any woman's ideal lover. Was he too attractive? Was he such a delightful lover because he was such a practised one?

I was wasting time with these suppositions. I should be thinking of a plan of escape. If I could get away from here, take the horse that had brought me, ride away ... Where to? To Daisy. Ask her to hide me? To Gisela? To Katia? I dared not involve any of them. I was in the hands of my enemies and held on the serious charge of murder.

And the evidence against me could be made to appear irrefutable. I had been in the schloss when the fire started; I had been conducting a love affair with Freya's affianced husband, and it was feasible to think that but for her I might marry him and in time become the Grand Duchess. What a maze of intrigue I was caught up in, and I could not find my way out of it. I had even come out here with a false name. I should be labelled intrigante and judged guilty.

Oh Freya, dear sweet child, how could anyone think that I could harm you! And Conrad ... where are you? He would surely have heard what had happened by now. He would be the first to hear of Freya's death. He would come... . He would surely come.

I could not forget Tatiana's words. Could it possibly be that she was the one he wanted? Had he really found the episode with me "amusing?"

Another thought struck me. He knew why I had come, that I was determined to prove Francine's marriage and that there was a child. If there was he would no longer be heir to the kingdom. He had said that was what he had wanted. But could it be true?