Филиппа Карр - Saraband for Two Sisters

I sat on the edge of my bed and thought, “Someone is trying to harm me. It is not my imagination.”

I lay on my bed, fighting the impulse to go in to Bersaba. I had told her how uneasy I felt, and she had brushed that aside. “It’s your condition,” she had said. “And you were always inclined to be nervous.” She would say that I had dreamed it.

I picked up the milk and smelled it. There was no odor.

For some time I looked at it and then threw it out the window. I had made up my mind that the next time someone came into my room I was going to be awake and speak to whoever came to tamper with my milk and ask why they wanted to harm me and my child.

It seemed to me that I had lost contact with Bersaba. She was preoccupied. Sometimes she talked about Richard; she wanted to know about our relationship, and that was something I found difficult to discuss with her. There were other times when she did not want to speak of him.

We were all nervous. “I reckon this war’s doing something to us all,” said Meg. “You never know when soldiers are going to come running over the grass.” Then she clapped her hand to her mouth. “Oh, it won’t happen, my lady. It couldn’t here. They wouldn’t dare-not in the General’s house.”

I knew that she had been warned not to alarm me.

I wasn’t sleeping very well. I never drank the milk which was put by my bed, but I did not stop it. I wanted to catch the one whom I suspected of putting something in it. I thought with alarm that if there were no milk they might try some other method. Of course I was wasting milk. We had two cows which Cherry milked each day so there was plenty of fresh milk at that time, but we did not know when the countryside was going to be laid waste, and what we should do for food then. Then I moved into a phase when I told myself that nothing of this was happening. I had not seen the door close. I had dreamed the whole thing. If I told anyone they would smile and soothingly say I must take care.

Then I began to think about the house and the strangeness of things here, and how different people were from what one had believed them to be. I thought particularly of Mrs. Cherry, who had seemed so rotund and contented when all the time she had had a son who was a dangerous lunatic, who had broken free from his madhouse and come to Far Flamstead and tried to burn the place down. I had discovered that that had happened more than fifteen years ago, and all that time the Cherrys had been watchful lest he should escape again and return.

I began to wonder about the door in the kitchen and whether it was really just an ordinary cupboard in there. It had somehow not looked like one. I was surprised at Bersaba’s attitude. She had always been so adventurous, but when once more I tentatively mentioned the cupboard she changed the subject and showed quite clearly that she didn’t want to talk about it.

I began to be obsessed by the thought of the cupboard in the kitchen and asked myself why there were always coats hung over the door as though to hide it. It became clear to me that I would go on thinking of it until I had seen inside. I thought too about the Cherrys’ son and what would have happened if he had come into the house. It would have been a good idea to put the children in that cupboard. I almost mentioned this to Bersaba, but she had been so impatient when I talked of it that I had stopped speaking of it Why shouldn’t I explore my own kitchen? She had said that to me. Well, why shouldn’t I?

It was late afternoon. I had come in for a short walk around the grounds, for I did not go far now and in any case the weather was getting cold, for we had come into December and snow was threatened. As I came through the hall I noticed how quiet the house was and as I passed the kitchen I looked in. There was no one there. The impulse came suddenly. I went in and, crossing to the cupboard, pushed aside the garments which hung there. The heavy key was in the door and I opened it. It looked just as it had that night when Bersaba and I had explored. I pushed aside the coats. I needed all my strength to draw back the heavy bolt A rush of cold air caught me and I stepped into what was certainly more than an inner cupboard. It was dark and I could see nothing so I went back into the kitchen and took a candle. I lighted this and went through the cupboard.

It was late afternoon. I had come in from a short walk around the feet high. The walls were of stone. I went through it for what seemed quite a long way and finally I came to another door. This also was locked by a heavy bolt. I pulled it and the door swung open. I was in a courtyard and I understood immediately where I was, for towering above me was the castle.

I was tremendously excited and afraid. I was not to approach the castle, Richard had said. It was unsafe.

I knew I should not stay, yet I seemed to be fascinated, unable to move. And as I stood there I heard someone shout at me.

‘Who’s that?”

A man came out of the castle. He was tall, with very broad shoulders and a pale face on which was a birthmark, so vivid that it was the first thing I noticed about him. Something seemed to click in my mind. I had seen him before.

He was Strawberry John.

“Get back!” he shouted.

“Why... Why?” I stammered.

Then I heard strange sounds, and something else lumbered into the courtyard. It was a man, yet somehow different from any other man. Its arms hung to its knees and it walked with a shuffle ... coming toward me. It was a human, yet not human. My limbs were stiff with terror and would not move. I thought at once of the man I had seen on the lawn.

Strawberry John had leaped on the creature. He had thrown his arms about him and was holding him firmly.

“It’s all right, boy,” he said in a strangely gentle voice. “We’re all right. It’s nothing, boy, nothing at all.”

The creature was smiling at Strawberry John, who had taken one of its hands. It no longer looked menacing.

Strawberry John waved his arms at me, implying I was to disappear the way I had come, and I stumbled back into the corridor.

With fumbling fingers I drew the bolt. I had dropped my candle in the courtyard and was now in darkness, but I knew where I must go, so I felt my way along those stone walls until I stumbled into the cupboard.

When I came out the first person I saw was Mrs. Cherry. She was standing there, her face ashen.

“You’ve been in the tunnel! You’ve been to the castle!” she cried.

“Yes,” I said. “I’ve seen who is there and I want to know what it means.»

“It’s for the General to tell you,” she said, and she sat down at the table and put her head in her hands. She remained thus for a few seconds and then she stood up and came to me.

“In your condition,” she said, “this could have caused harm.”

I said, “Who is that in there? Who is that... boy ... man ... ? Who is he?”

“It’s not for me to say,” she stammered.

“But you know, Mrs. Cherry.”

“Oh, my lady. It’s our secret-it’s what we have to keep.” Her eyes lit up suddenly as she said, “I can’t keep it no longer. How can I when you’ve seen? We’ve looked after him all these years-all of us here and especially Cherry and me and Strawberry John. It’s his son, my lady the General’s son.”

“No!” I cried. “Magdalen ... bore that!”

“There,” said Mrs. Cherry. “I’ve told. No one can blame me. I could do no other ... not after you’d seen. Here, you’re all shook up. Let me get you to your room. I’ll call your sister.”

Yes, I must talk to Bersaba. I had to share this terrible secret with someone. I would never forget the sight of that vapid face.

She led me to my room. “You mustn’t be frightened, my lady,” she said. “It would be bad for the child. He’s quiet most of the time. Just has violent fits now and then. He’s not a bad boy. Plays some games. Strawberry John’s good with him. He loves him, Strawberry John does. He thinks he’ll make something of him one day.»