Филиппа Карр - The pool of St Branok

The water was cold. I was shivering. He slipped out of our grasp. For a moment I saw his head with the dark wet hair, the odd pallor of the skin, the open accusing eyes.

As I turned away I fell. I was completely immersed. Ben picked me up and said: "It's over. We've done it."

We stood on the edge of the pool, Ben's arm about me.

"Stop shaking, Angel," he said. "He's gone. No one will ever find him.

There are no tides in the pool to wash his body ashore. He's gone forever. Let's get away from here."

He held me close to him as we walked to the horses. His, fortunately, had remained waiting. I could not stop looking at the trail of blood on the grass.

Ben looked up at the sky. "There'll be rain tonight. That will wash it all away."

"Suppose someone sees it before?"

"No one will. Few come here. Besides, you'd have to look for it to find it ... and nobody could be sure that it was blood."

"It's a terrible thing to kill a man," I said.

"We didn't kill him. It was an accident. And, remember, he would have done to you what he did to that other girl. It was justice. If we are sensible we shall feel no regret about him. He deserved to die. He would have been hanged when he was tried and found guilty which he obviously was. We've got to be sensible about this. Oh God, Angel, you are so young."

"I ... I don't feel young," I told him.

He took my face in his hands and kissed it.

"It's our secret, Angel."

"But he's dead, Ben, and it was because of us that he died."

"No, it was because of himself. It was justice. I feel no remorse."

"But when they know ..."

"They are not going to know. Why should they ever know? If they found out there would be a fuss. They would say we killed a man. We disposed of his body."

"We shouldn't have done that, Ben. We should have gone and found them and told them ..."

"There would have been such a fuss. They would have accused us. They might even call it murder. They did with your grandfather, didn't they? It's a similar case."

"But the man he killed was not a murderer."

"It makes no difference. Listen to me. We are in this together. It is our secret. We can't bring all the scandal there would be on our families. There would be endless gossip. You know how people exaggerate. Imagine the press getting hold of it. No, as far as we are concerned it is over."

"How can it ever be over?"

"It will be ... if we don't let anyone know. They will hunt for him and they won't find him. They'll think he has escaped. There'll be questions and more questions. They'll never let us rest. They'll say I killed him and you were an accessory after the fact ... that's how they talk. We don't want a great fuss. It would be exaggerated and remembered for the rest of our lives. It is always so in these cases. Consider all your legends. How they have grown up through distortion and exaggeration. We should be branded forever and they would punish us in some way ... even though they would have hanged him ... which would have been far worse for him than the way he died. So we've got to think of a way out of this. We have to think of our families. It's the only way. I know what we must do."

"What?" I asked.

"We must get away from here at once and not let anyone know we came here. We must say nothing about what happened. Can you do that, Angel? Not to anyone ... not a word."

"Yes ... yes, I think so." But I looked down at my sodden clothes. There was blood on my jacket.

"We'll have to give some sort of explanation," Ben went on. "We'll say you had a fall. That's the answer. It will account for the state you are in. But there must not be a word about what actually happened ... about him."

"There'll be some way they'll find out."

"Not if we play it carefully. Stop shaking, Angel."

"I can't help it. I just feel so cold." I started to sneeze and for a few moments could not stop.

He looked at me anxiously and said: "Listen, Angel. This is terrible, but we're in it now and we have to get out of it."

"When they don't catch him ... ?"

"They'll think he's got away. It will be as easy as that." Ben was beginning to regain his confidence. There was even a look of excitement in his eyes. "We'll do it. But we've got to plan very carefully. He's gone. He won't be able to murder any more young girls ... never again. We've done a good thing. No one will ever know that he is at the bottom of the pool. His clothes will be water-logged. He's right down at the bottom. He'll never be found. We've saved him from the hangman's rope, and that was what he deserved and what would have come to him. We've done him a good turn. We've done all those little girls whom he might have murdered a good turn... ."

Cold and shivering as I was I felt better. Ben was so convincing. I began to believe that if he decided what we must do was the best thing for us, it would be for everyone else too.

There was nothing I wanted more than to get away and forget.

He was talking coaxingly. "You see, Angel, how awful it would be for us and our families if it were known. I don't know what they would do to us. They wouldn't let us go off scot free. When people are killed there is always trouble. But we mustn't stay here. What are we going to do? You're wet through ... and so am I. We can't say we've been in the pool. We'll have to say we were wet through by the sea. Look. It happened this way: You were galloping along the beach. You know how you like to do that. Glory stumbled over a boulder and threw you. You were close to the sea and the waves washed over you. You hurt yourself on a rock. That will account for the blood. You just went over Glory's head. You lost consciousness for a few seconds. Thank goodness I was with you. That's how it will have to be. Can you do it?"

"Yes, Ben, I think I can."

"Then let's get away from here. The sooner the better."

He took my hand. I was still trembling.

"You'd better not ride," he said. "We'll get you up on Glory and I'll walk you home."

He was right. I realized I could not have ridden. There were times when it seemed as though the earth were coming up to meet me and I was shaking all over.

Ben murmured soothingly to me as we walked along. "The thing is not to talk too much about it. Make yourself believe it happened the way we said it did. You can come to believe it... ."

"I'll never forget it ... the way he looked at me. Oh, Ben, it was so horrible."

"You've got to forget it. It doesn't do any good to go on remembering that sort of thing. We did the best possible thing ... the only possible thing ... and now we've got to forget it and make our story the real one. When the truth is too distressing to contemplate it's not a bad idea to substitute it with fancy."

"You'll be there to help, Ben?"

'Til be there."

"I think I can do it then."

"Angel," he said, "you know I love you."

"Oh really, Ben? I love you, too."

"When I think of that man ... and you ... dear innocent Angel ... I'm glad I did it."

"I wish someone else had. I wish he had never escaped out here."

"It's no use wishing it away. It won't go that way. It's our secret and, dear Angel, you will be all right. It will be better as time passes."

"I feel very strange, Ben. Everything seems far off."

"It will be all right."

He held me firmly. I was hardly aware of the road as we traveled along.

I vaguely remember my mother as she rushed out crying: "What is it? What's happened?" And Ben replying: "Angelet's had an accident. Glory threw her."

"My darling child!"

I was so relieved because my mother was there.

My father came running out, fearful and horrified to see the state I was in.

"We'll get her to bed quickly," said my mother. "She's had an accident ... riding."

"Riding? Riding Glory?"