Jean Pamfiloff - Vampires Need Not...Apply

Ixtab knocked lightly. “Penelope?”

“Hold on.” Sniffle, sniffle. “Be right there.” Blow, blow. “Come in.”

Ixtab popped her veiled head through the doorway. “You okay?”

Penelope stood at the other end of Kinich’s spacious bedroom—complete with indoor waterfall and trickling stream—gazing out the large window overlooking the moonlit hills of the surrounding desert.

“I was just watching Cimil on the live YouTube cam,” said Penelope with a dreary voice. “She’s ironing that vampire’s capes—did you know he’s got over a thousand?”

Ixtab glanced at the flat screen on mute. Sure enough, there was Cimil, ex–Goddess of the Underworld, ironing and disco dancing in a sparkling pink bikini while eating glazed doughnuts as Roberto the Ancient One watched with a giant hungry grin.

Ixtab shuddered. “I find that extremely disturbing.”

“Yet, it’s impossible to look away.”

Yes, probably because there was a certain poetic justice to it all. Given Cimil’s treachery and lies—too many to count—Ixtab couldn’t imagine a more just punishment than being slave to a very ancient vampire who had a lover’s bone to pick. Nevertheless, the whole situation didn’t taste right. Before being taken away, Cimil confessed to having lied to everyone. All these millennia, she’d only pretended to see the future? It didn’t make sense. Not when there was no shame in the truth—Cimil’s real gift was speaking to the dead, who existed in a place beyond the confines of time, an equally powerful gift. Simply put, her lie made no sense.

Perhaps she’s finally gone off the deep end.

“You know, I tried to cure Cimil of her insanity once,” Ixtab stated quietly.

“What happened?” Penelope asked.

“I failed. It was about five hundred years ago, but I can still taste Cimil’s darkness. I never did find out what caused her so much pain, but her misery branded itself in my mind right before putting me in a two-hundred-year coma.”

“That must’ve felt awful,” Penelope said.

“I was asleep the entire time, so it didn’t feel like anything even though my brothers and sisters had to find over ten thousand country-club members.”

“Country-club members?” Pen asked.

“When I absorb dark energy from others, I must expel it somewhere. Preferably into a worthy victim—I prefer to call them country-club members. Sounds more pleasant. But until I find them, whatever ailments and darkness I absorb stays within me. If I don’t cleanse the darkness, I eventually reach capacity and shut down.”

“So you’re the anti–Robin Hood?” Penelope asked. “You steal from the good and give to the evil?”

“Or the innocent,” Ixtab mumbled regrettably. “I can’t help it; sometimes they’re drawn to me. Sometimes the dark energy has a mind of its own… like in the case of Cimil. The darkness didn’t want to leave her.”

Penelope’s eyes flashed toward the screen. “I thought watching Cimil be punished would cheer me up, but now I only feel sorry for her.” Penelope made a pathetic little shrug and sat down on the unmade bed. “Ixtab?” Penelope looked up at her with her large green eyes. “Do you believe Kinich would hurt me?”

He’d eat you up like a vampire Pop-Tart . “Penelope, I wasn’t there, but the other deities went to see Kinich again and witnessed him going crazy after smelling a few drops of your blood. Sending him away is best for you and the baby.”

“I know. You’re right. But why does a part of me refuse to believe he’d actually hurt me? It’s ridiculous, right?”

“Sometimes believing the truth isn’t easy. Like the time Cimil brought Bigfoot to my apartment in Italy riding on her unicorn.”

“Huh?”

Oh. I think that was supposed to be a secret. “Uh—nothing. I said Kinich is going to stay in an apartment in Helena’s building for now so I can keep a close eye on him—”

“You’re going? To New York?”

Ixtab nodded.

“Thank gods. I know if anyone can fix all this and help Kinich, you can.”

The vote of confidence felt so good that Ixtab almost believed in herself. Almost. “I’ll call the moment he gets himself under control.”

Penelope’s gaze suddenly fell empty.

“Penelope? You do want me to call, don’t you?” Ixtab asked.

Penelope stood and walked over to the window again. “I-I wonder if he’ll ever love me the way I love him. Maybe it’s just not meant to be, like Zac said.”

Zac? That he-brat? “Don’t listen to him.”

“Zac asked me to marry him,” Penelope blurted out.

Oh. That was so wrong. And so Zac. He always took whatever he wanted. He’d once taken Ixtab’s favorite island, but that was Tahitian water under the bridge. In all fairness, the gods tended to be greedy when it came to material things. It was a deity thing.

“How did you respond?” Ixtab asked.

“Said I’d think about it.” She looked down at her stomach. “How can I not? Kinich’s only interest in me is for blood, and I’m not strong enough to do this on my own.” She rubbed her face and groaned. “And I have to admit, there is something about Zac I can’t pinpoint. I feel drawn to him.”

That sounds fishy. Though no one knew for certain, everyone believed Zac was the God of Love. However, except under very specific circumstances, it was prohibited for a god to use his or her powers on another of their brethren without permission. This was one of their most sacred laws, right up there with time travel. A big, giant no-no. So had Zac been using his powers on Penelope?

“Look at me.” Penelope did, and Ixtab gazed deeply into her eyes.

Hmmm… She didn’t see any odd-looking colors or residuals that might indicate foul play, but this wasn’t her area of expertise. She did note, however, a gray tint coating Penelope’s aura. So much sadness. “I’m going to help you feel better.”

Penelope bobbed her head slowly.

Ixtab took a deep breath and visualized the empty cells inside her body. She willed them to open their arms to Penelope’s darkness. Ixtab gripped Penelope’s shoulder. “Teen uk’al k’iinam. Teen uk’al yah.” I drink your ache. I drink your pain.

Penelope’s body stiffened and then collapsed as it released the darkness enveloping her spirit. Ixtab scooped her up, carried her to the bed, and laid her down as the transfer completed.

“What did you do to me?” Penelope gazed up at Ixtab with wide eyes.

Such a lovely soul.

Ixtab smiled beneath her curtain of black lace. “That was my gift to help you through the next few days.” She turned to leave. “Oh, and Penelope?”

“Yes?”

“You should know… I felt your baby’s light, and it is pure love. That means Kinich is your true soul mate. Now you have no reason to doubt that everything will work out.”

Ixtab left before Penelope saw the sadness over take her. Penelope’s despair, now circulating inside Ixtab’s body, was profound, the type only encountered when true love was in jeopardy. How had Penelope been functioning with such heaviness in her heart?

Such a brave creature.

Ixtab headed straight for the garage. She’d need to find at least three country-club members tonight.

Roberto the Ancient One’s Secret Lair

“Wow, baby. I’m lovin’ this glazed doughnut. Ummm…” Swinging her hips, Cimil took a large bite in front of the camera as she ironed cape number 520.

Sitting on his burgundy velvet love seat just a few feet away, Roberto’s eyes widened into ravenous orbs.

“Oh, you like that, huh?” She smiled. “Or is it this that you like?” She turned to show him the skimpy backside of her shiny pink bikini.