M. Buehrlen: The 57 Lives of Alex Wayfare

“Jensen?” I say. “This is my sister.”

“Oh, yeah,” he says with a kind smile. “Audrey, right?” He sticks out his hand. She shifts Afton over to one arm and shakes his hand, looking even more meek than usual. I like it that he remembers her name.

She slides onto one of the barstools at the side of the island and cuddles Afton to her chest. She’s not usually shy, but Jensen’s presence makes her clam up.

“What’s your cat’s name?” Jensen asks her.

“Afton.”

“Cool name. That’s a river in Scotland, right?”

Audrey and I both look up, eyebrows raised. “How did you know that?” she asks.

“Well,” he says with a shrug, easing a few more cookies onto the cooling rack, “this is going to sound stupid and totally lame, but there’s this Scottish guy who wrote a poem about it. It’s one of my favorites.”

“It’s one of mine, too,” Audrey says, perking up.

“It is?” When she nods, he says, “Well, maybe it’s not so lame then.”

“Did Alex tell you I’m going to Scotland in the spring?”

“What? No. That’s awesome.” He gives me a look like he can’t believe I didn’t tell him.

Audrey beams. “I’ve been wanting to go for so long. And someone made a donation to my foundation so I can go on the trip. Isn’t that cool? The whole family’s going.”

“Alex too?” he asks.

“Yep,” she says. “There’s no way I’d go without her. When we make that final descent, I want her right by my side.”

Her words hit home deeper than she could have known. I walk over to her, squeeze her shoulders, and kiss the top of her stocking cap. “You know I’ll be there. Every step of the way.”

I may have ruined history, the entire world, and who knows how many lives with the Variant timeline I created, but at least I can be proud of what I did for Audrey.

At least I did one thing right.

When Gran gets back, she’s just as startled as Audrey to see Jensen helping us with the cookies. And he’s just as kind and talkative to her as he is with Audrey. By the time the whole family gets home, he’s been invited to stay for dinner four times. He calls his parents and gets permission to stay.

Over dinner, he makes everyone laugh. He talks to Dad about the Mustang, to Mom about her job at AIDA, to Pops about the Orioles, to Gran about her delicious cookies, to Claire about school, and to Audrey about Scotland. He even sneaks Afton a bit of his fish stick under the table. No one asks about the shiny bruise under his eye, not even Claire, and for that I’m thankful. I’m sure they’ll quiz me about it after he leaves, which I’m already dreading. They keep shooting me knowing looks across the macaroni and cheese. Pops keeps waggling his bushy gray eyebrows at me. I just try to ignore them and enjoy the show while it lasts.

Throughout it all, I can’t help but think, So this is what it’s like to have a friend in Base Life.

After dinner, I walk Jensen out onto the porch. He swings the baggie of molasses cookies Gran gave him at his side.

“Guess I better go home and explain this thing to the parents.” He points at his black eye. “And I guess you better go inside and explain it to yours, too.” He tosses me a grin, then jogs down the steps. “See ya tomorrow, Wayfare.”

I guess he’s not super oblivious all the time.

As I watch him melt into the night, past pools of light from street lamps, Mom leans against the doorframe behind me. The great shadow of disappointment is nowhere to be found tonight.

“Do you know how proud I am of you?” she says.

“For what?” I squeeze into the doorframe beside her, and she wraps an arm around my waist.

“You’re making friends. Doing better in school.” She smooths my hair back and gives me a peck on the forehead. “I like seeing you happy.”

I rest my head under her chin. If she doesn’t feel like she has to worry about me anymore, then that’s one more thing I’ve done halfway right. I just hope I can keep it up.

And somehow talk her into a trip to Chicago over Christmas break.

APOLOGY

Destiny is a funny thing. It’s ironically fickle, not set in stone like some might believe. Destiny isn’t immune to the bends and cracks in time. One choice, one action, can change everything. Destiny is fluid. Evolving. It carves a path through life like a river carves its way through rock. When an obstacle arises, the river changes its course. There are no straight lines. Alternate timelines are created every day. Every hour. A country decides to go to war. A pregnant mother loses her child. A man is late for work and causes a pileup on the freeway. What might have been is lost forever. The new timeline begins.

That is the only rigid thing about Destiny.

It changes.

Sometimes I feel trapped by this knowledge. I lie in bed at night, wondering what life would be like if I hadn’t set this new timeline in motion. Who would be alive? Who would be dead? Have I changed your life? Is it different now because of me? Are you happy with your path? Or did I screw things up for you?

It’s enough to give me nightmares and send me to the edge of hysterics.

All I can say is I’m sorry. If your lot in life sucks right now, blame me.

I did it.

It would all be different if I hadn’t gone back to AIDA. All I can do now is try to make our future better, to give you the chance to have it good, from here on out.

I promise I’ll try. Even if it kills me.

Dying’s what I do, remember? It’s the least I can do.

And I’m trying. I’m learning. Getting better. It’s not easy being a Descender. It’s like being in a cage – the bars arc around me and I’m not strong enough to bend them or break free. Sometimes I still resent Porter. For lying to me. For creating me. For forgiving me. But then I remember I’m no longer adrift. I’m just new to the game. The visions, the traveling – Porter is teaching me to think of it as a gift. A secret power given only to me. All I have to do is learn how to harness it, and use it to repair all the damage I’ve done. Use it to defeat Gesh before he can defeat me.

I try to think of all the good that can come of such a gift.

I try to remember Porter’s words of comfort.

And when those dark times come, when I resent this burden on my back I’m told I can never shift, I cling to the fact that there’s someone out there who shares the same load. Another burdened soul, carrying the same weight.

DEEP BREATHS

“You ready?” Porter asks, squeezing my hand.

The taxi pulls to the curb along South Columbus Drive in Grant Park, Chicago. The sun is just rising, glinting off Lake Michigan. Buckingham Fountain sits covered in twinkling holiday lights, like it’s draped with strands of diamonds, just out the window in the distance, past a row of neatly trimmed hedges. A light layer of snow dusts the ground. The city looks totally different. All built up and shiny and new.

There are so many cars. So many people. So much noise. But the fountain looks exactly the same. Our fountain.

Porter squeezes my hand again. “Alex?”

I close my eyes. I take one good deep breath. Two. Three. I picture Blue’s teasing grin as he pulls me close by the fountain. I can’t wait to see him again. To have him hold my hand in Base Life. My hand. Alex Wayfare’s hand.

I open my eyes. I take one more deep breath, then finally, “I’m ready.”

I am so ready.

So much thanks to:

Holly Root, Amanda Rutter, and all the folks at Strange Chemistry and Angry Robot, for loving this book. Thanks for taking a chance on Alex.

The YABooksCentral.com family, for cheering me on. The bloggers and authors and publicists who told me they were excited for this book. (You know who you are). That means the world to a debut author. The OneFours, Thirteeners, Lucky 13s, and Apocalypsies, for not only supporting YABooksCentral.com, but me as well. The YA community is truly the best community. I’m proud to be a part of it. The Strange Chemists, who welcomed me with open arms. The Snowflake Posse, for those hot Savannah nights. All the friends I’ve made on Twitter: Who said social media isn’t valuable? You all mean the world to me.