M. Buehrlen - The 57 Lives of Alex Wayfare

Blue wasn’t the only one Levi wasn’t able to save.

I wanted to go to Levi, explain that it wasn’t his fault. It was mine. But Blue rolled his head to the side and groaned.

“Blue?” I cupped his face in my hands. He wasn’t as cold as he was in the recovery room. Was that because he was waking up? Or was it because he had a fever from the bullet? “It’s me. I’m here. Can you hear me?”

He winced and groaned again, this one even more pitiful than the one before. He was getting weaker. He was going to die in my arms.

I bent down and pressed my lips to his forehead. I tasted my own tears. “I’m so sorry. Oh, God, I’m so, so sorry.”

I felt his eyelashes flutter on my chin. I jerked my head up to see his eyes half open. Groggy and heavy, but open. He stared at my face for a while, then his eyes opened all the way. He lifted his arm and cupped the back of my shaved head in his hand.

“Hey, Sousa.” He actually managed a small, weak smile. “You’re bald this time.” He glanced down at his body. “And I’m naked.”

I let out a laugh, choked with tears. “You remember me?”

His body shuddered with a cough, but his smile widened. “You kidding? You’re the one thing I can’t forget.” He reached his other hand up to touch my face, but saw it was coated in blood. “Oh.” He turned it from front to back. “Is this when I die?”

My smile vanished. “It’s all my fault. I came back to this life just to talk to you, and look what I’ve caused.” More tears streamed down my cheeks. They ran down my neck. Down my chest. My torn smock ruffled behind me in the breeze. “I keep doing this to you. I keep killing you.”

“Hey.” He made me look him in the eyes. “This is how it is. You and me, we die. It’s what we do.” He winced again. Coughed again.

I sniffed and wiped my nose on my sleeve. He was right, I guess. But it didn’t make it hurt any less, or feel any less my fault. “I don’t want to watch you die. I can’t.”

“Then don’t,” Blue said. “Go back to Base Life.” He sucked in a shallow breath. “Meet me there.”

“How? Where?”

He shivered all over. His teeth chattered. The ground was wet and muddy from the thunderstorm. “You know where.”

“I don’t. I don’t know your name, or where you live, or anything about you in Base Life.”

“Sousa.” He closed his eyes, his teeth chattering even more. It was becoming harder for him to breathe.

“Oh God,” I said, “don’t go yet. Please, tell me where you are in Base Life. Tell me your name.” I cupped his face in my hands again. I could barely see him through all the tears. No one had ever made me feel the way Blue did. I wanted more of him. So much more.

If I could have it.

With the tiny bit of strength he had left, he pulled my head down. I thought he was going to whisper his name in my ear, but instead, he pressed his lips to mine. He kissed me like he hadn’t seen me in years. Like he needed my mouth to survive. I poured myself into him, gave him everything, our lips salty from tears, from blood. He pulled himself up and wrapped his arms around me despite his pain from the gunshot. He ran his palms across my bare back. I clung to him like he might float away.

The moment was so fleeting. Over by the time it began. He jerked his head back and went into a spasm of coughs, bringing us back to reality, and I lowered him back down onto my lap. I held him in my arms, calming him, rocking him, until his body settled down.

“Come to Buckingham Fountain,” I said, squeezing his hand in mine. “New Year’s Eve. I’ll be there. I’ll wait for you. Will you remember?”

“Our fountain,” he repeated, his voice thin and strained.

“New Year’s Eve. Say it.”

He let out a weak sigh, the fit of coughing over for the moment. His eyes remained closed. “New Year’s Eve.” He said it like he was falling asleep.

“Will you remember?” What if this was my last chance? What if he didn’t remember?

He squeezed my hand to let me know I was holding on too tightly. “I’ll remember,” he whispered. He opened his eyes for the last time. They were so blue. Even in the shade of the trees. “I’ll remember you. I have to.”

“You better go,” Levi said, interrupting us. He was standing off to my left. I didn’t know how long he’d been watching. His expression was pained. Heartbroken. “You should ascend and take him with you before he dies.”

“But–”

“I’ll take care of everything,” Levi said. “I’ll fill Ivy in. She’ll understand. She’ll know what to do.”

I frowned up at him, feeling awful he had to see Ivy, his Ivy, kissing someone else. Awful I did all of this to him. Put him through so much pain. “Levi, I am so–”

“Go.”

“Will I see you again? In Base Life?”

He shrugged, slipping his hands in the pockets of his green scrub pants. There was blood streaked across his bare chest. Across his cheek. He furrowed his brow, his eyes dark and brooding behind his glasses. “We’ll see, I guess.”

THE LAND OF SOULS

I open my eyes to the darkened AV room. Jensen’s pudding cup is still sitting on the desk in front of me. I look down at my hands, holding the Polygon stone. Not one speck of blood. I slip the stone into my pocket and run my hands through my shaggy hair, thinking I might shave it all off as penance for the damage I’ve done. I’m the one that deserves to be bald. Not Audrey.

I take a deep, shuddering breath and bury my face in my hands. I remain there, hidden away in the dark, until everything that just happened washes over me and I am finally calm.

It’s over. I came face-to-face with Gesh and survived. I broke Levi’s heart. Turned Porter’s life upside down. Got Blue shot and killed.

Again.

At least now I know Blue remembers me. And that he’s not a traitor. I just hope he remembers Buckingham Fountain on New Year’s Eve.

Half an hour later, Porter and I are sitting at a table at Ristorante Cafferelli, overlooking the cold waters of the Bay. My fingers are entwined around a mug of coffee. Ever since 1961, I can’t get enough of the stuff. Porter sips his cappuccino, the steam mingling in the stubble on his chin.

There are so many questions.

“Did you know he was going to die?” I ask.

Porter presses his lips together in careful thought. “It was his time, yes.”

I look down at my mug. I turn it around by its handle slowly. “How long did Levi get to spend with Ivy before she died?”

“About two months. I found you both in a cabin in Canada. You were almost gone by the time I got there.”

“I didn’t die the same time as Tre?”

“Not that time, no. Usually you do, but I think in Ivy’s case, you wanted to hang on as long as you could. You wanted that time with Levi. You wanted to wait for me. To tell me to reincarnate you.”

“Why did you only protect me?” I ask, thinking about all the years Porter lived in Annapolis, watching me grow up. “Why didn’t you protect Tre too?”

“I would have gladly protected you both, but when I went to intercept your soulmarks to insert you into your Newlives, only yours appeared. I couldn’t find Tre’s. I went ahead and reincarnated you while I had the chance. If your souls were still connected, then Tre would be reincarnated too. I just wouldn’t know where he was or who he’d be in Base Life. And that was better than nothing. I honestly didn’t know whether or not you were still connected until I read about your ‘visions’ in Dr Farrow’s notes. That’s when I knew you were still pulling each other along. Just like you used to.”

I stir a packet of sugar into my coffee. “You don’t sound Danish at all. What happened to your accent?”